I was scared. I was so very scared, I'd stuff up. It'd all end. You'd leave. You'd leave me. I don't want to be alone. Please don't leave. I want you here. Always and no matter what, I want you here, next to me.
I was petrified that something will go wrong and I would get hurt, that I'd get lost and wouldn't be able to put back my little broken pieces back together. I was petrified that you wouldn't be there to hold me up when I couldn't. To help me when I can't help myself.
God, I need you.
Is reliant entirely dependant?
Am I reliant?
Doubtlessly. Undeniably. Entirely.
I was so frightened that we wouldn't make it and I'd lose you and your friendship. It means everything to me. I couldn't remember being that happy, this content before. I can't imagine going back to being without you.
I was terrified that you'd get hurt, that you'd look at another. I can't see what you see in me. I see flaws and holes and pain in my reflection but you say you see perfection. I wish I could believe you.
I miss you. I miss your smile, your laugh, your gently scolding voice convincing me to do some silly little task that is demanding to be completing. I miss you. I wish you'd come back. You said you'd never leave, not in forever and longer but you're gone.
You're not coming back.
And I'm all alone
Because they took you away.
I'm scared without you, lost without you, terrified without you, nothing without you, frightened without you, hopeless without you, petrified without you. God, I need you.
But I can't have you.
I just have a stone in the soft earth.
An outline of a perfect square
A name on the stone.
Your name on the stone.
But it's not you
And it never will be
I still love you.
And a little bit further.
"Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection into eternal life"