Things on His Mind

He patted her back as she sobbed once more. Yet another boy she had liked treated her badly and broke the heart she so often wore on her sleeve. The girl lifted her head to blow her red nose for the tenth time. A palette of rubbed off make-up was splattered on the sleeve of the boy's shirt. He had known his female friend for years and grown accustomed to catering to her tear-stained eyes. If only you knew how I felt, the guy thought while handing her a tissue. The girl began wiping smeared make-up off her face, "You're one of the few people in school that have seen me un-beautified without make-up." She smiled and he returned the smile. It's not like you need it, he thought, even with a reddened nose, pink eyes, and run down mascara, you are originally beautiful and not like everyone else. They were at the girl's house, downstairs in a contemporary blue, black, and white living room. He had lived no further than a few blocks down the street and had come to her house as quickly as he could when he answered his phone and heard sobbing on the other end. He was used to it. Sometimes she would come to his house and plop herself on his sofa looking hopeless with freshly watered eyes and wispy hair. Time after time she would look up at her guy friend and state what happened:

"He told me he didn't like me anymore."

"He cheated on me."

"He talked down on me in front of his friends."

"He used me to make someone else jealous."

"He lied to me."

"He used me to get close to my friend."

"He dated me on a bet."

"He went back to his ex."

After the statement was made he would sigh and pull out a box of tissues and some chocolates. The guy sat there reminiscing on the past times he had spent hours reminding her she wasn't useless and the boy that dumped her at the time was a jerk. He would get angered at the fact that someone so smart and caring as she was had been treated like dirt time and time again. Once he had gotten in a fight with one of the jerks at school. Weeks later, the same jerk came up to the guy and simply stated, "Tell her how you feel," then walked off.

What if I end up making her cry, then who will she turn to? The guy thought to himself. As she sat there on the sofa, wiping new tears from her eyes, he wondered if she knew how he felt and if she was just using him since she knew her friends were fake. Once she came to them crying in the hallway during a passing period in school. Her crying was viewed as a weakness and they frowned upon it. The group of friends sent her to the nearest bathroom and told her to fix herself up. They then left her to go to class. The guy friend had seen what had happened and knocked on the bathroom door. She came to the door and he quickly stated he was just seeing if everything was okay. The girl put on a fake smile and made up an excuse about a hurt knee. He returned the smile with a sincere one and replied that if she needed anyone to talk to, he was a good listener. The girl's smile faded and she burst into tears. "He broke up with me!" the guy friend did not know the 'He' she was speaking of, but instantly consoled her. That happened in the sixth grade when they had first met. Now six years later in twelfth grade he wondered how long her bad relationships would last and if they would ever have a relationship together. Twice when he had a girl over his house for dinner she had been found on his porch crying. The guy would send his date home and invite his friend inside. As he sat on the sofa, he began to feel their relationship was unfair. She would come to him after a relationship ended and his relationships ended after she called upon him. He looked at her saddened face and puppy dog eyes. After all, if he doesn't console her, who will?

"You are a true friend," she managed to say with a stuffy nose. He smiled again and stated, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Never leave my side, I hope," she responded.

On the outside he flashed his pearly whites again, but on the inside he was hurt and worried. In the future, would she come out on his porch saying, "He divorced me," or would he, the guy friend, confess how he has been feeling for her since they reached freshman year of high school three years ago. If they did get in a more-than-friends relationship, what if they broke up? Would they never have the friendship as they do now where they can tell each other nearly anything? He sighed, maybe he should talk to her about it, see what she thinks. What should he say? Before giving much thought, the boy blurted out, "Can I talk to you about something?"

The girl put down the eyeliner she was re-applying, "I'm all yours."

But not the way I want you to be all mine, the guy thought to himself. He stared at the carpet and she studied him wondering what he was going to say. He was practicing the line in his head, I think I love you, but I don't want to hurt you. I think I love you, but-

The girl broke his train of thought, "What's on your mind?"

"Well you see," the boy began, "You know what, now is not the time."

She closely watched his movements of fiddling with his keys. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, maybe tomorrow." He figured it would be best to discuss it tomorrow when she wasn't so emotional. The boy decided it was time to change the subject and leave. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes. Thank you for coming."

They both stood up and she walked him to the door. "Thank you so much," she repeated and gave him a big hug. He walked out the house and down the walkway hoping that tomorrow he would have enough courage built up to tell her he thinks he loves her, but is afraid he will have her crying like previous boys had done.