I hate you. No, no, I REALLY hate you. Don't say it. I don't want to hear it. I hate you. I don't care what you feel. I hate you. Hate you beyond all possible belief.

Who do you think you are?

You think you can run around on me? You think I'm not going to care that you don't have the balls to tell me that you're seeing the paperboy, the mailman, the cable guy, the guy two doors down, and somebody all the way across town in addition to me?

You're crazy.

I do care. I expected a faithful partner. I put my trust in you. Yes, I daresay I loved you. No, you don't love me back. You can't love six people that much. No, I won't settle for one-sixth of your love.

Why not?

WHY NOT!?

You fucking moron.

You don't think the disparity is intolerable? I'm giving you one-hundred percent. You're giving me about seventeen. That's not going to cut it.

You'll stop fucking the guy two doors down and the guy across town? Good for you. Still not good enough, though. Because I hate you. Because that's still only up to twenty-five percent of your love going to me.

You don't really love the other three?

That's supposed to make me feel better about it?

Really?

God you're stupid. In away, that makes it even worse. It means you're using them because you're impatient. The paperboy doesn't deserve that, he's barely out of puberty, for Christ's sake. He's got his whole life ahead of him, he deserves an honest relationship. The mailman doesn't deserve that, he's just going through a midlife crisis anyway. He's MARRIED, you moron! The cable guy? Well, he IS a bit of a dick, but that doesn't mean he deserves you leading him on.

You can quit?

What, it's like smoking?

Smoking cock. Ha, ha. Very funny, dickhole. Forgive me for not believing you, but I don't think you can quit. At least, not quit forever. I definitely could set these down, forgive you, accept your promises to break it off with all of them. But I won't. Because you won't stop. You might drop these guys, but in a few months, you'd be in bed with another set. And I won't stand for it. I will not stand for it.

What am I going to do?

What, it's not obvious to you?

I'm leaving you. That's what the suitcases are for.

One of them's yours? I don't care. You've been taking my love for months and fucking these other guys, so I'm taking something besides stupid excuses in return.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Get off my leg.

Stop blubbering.

If you start crying, I'm going to drop this suitcase on your head.

I'm dropping this suitcase on your head. Good, now you've let go of me. Unfortunately for you, I've taken the aspirin with me. So you're shit out of luck.

Goodbye.