So here is my post surgery update, hope you enjoy :)
Lana took in her new room with confusion. It was a nice place, sure, but no one had ever cared about her enough to let her have a room of her own. At her parent's house, she had slept in the living room the majority of the time, and when she lived with Kyle she slept next to him. Her room here at Jason's was nice but modest. The walls were light blue and the furniture was sensible. The bed was more than comfortable, at least more so than she had ever had before. The dresser was next to the bed and a huge mirror hung over it. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. Tears fell down her face as her reflection greeted her. Surely Jason had been lying when he said that she looked okay. The scar down the side of her face marred any chances she had of ever looking good. No amount of makeup could cover that damage. No amount of makeup could cover the bruises that were splattered across her face.
Anger surged through her as she continued her self examination. What in the hell had she done to deserve this? She had been nothing but a caring girlfriend to Kyle. Nothing less that what any other man would have wanted. But nothing had ever been good enough for Kyle, had it? He had been demanding since the day they started dating. She should not have ignored the warning signs, but she had. She had been too wrapped up in finally having a stable relationship to consider the implications, and look where she was now... sitting in a teacher's house beat to hell. She knew that nothing came easy in life, but did she really need such a crude reminder?
Turning away from the mirror, Lana reminded herself that she was better than Kyle said she was. Some part of her didn't believe it though. That small part tore her up from the inside, telling her that she deserved what she had got for staying with him. That she deserved it because she abandoned her family. While it was true that she had, it wasn't as though she was missing much. Her parents had been as emotionally abusive as Kyle had been physically. All through her life Lana had struggled with various problems from the verbal abuse. Eating disorders and social disorders. She was sure a psychologist would have a field day with her.
Lana turned her eyes to the window. Jason lived in a well to do neighborhood. His house was one of the most well kept on the street. If they had a yard of the month award, she was sure he would have won it at some point. Even though it was a little overgrown now, she was sure that when it was mowed and trimmed it looked as tidy as the rest of the house. The funny thing was, when they had walked in the house, Jason had tried to excuse the mess he was sure was waiting inside. When they had walked in the door, the front room was as pristine as anything she had ever seen. The hardwood floors shined as if they had recently been cleaned and the arrangement of the living room suite was perfectly formed around the flat screen TV that sat up against the wall. Never in her life had she seen something so perfect.
Jason had been amazing to her through this process. It was a little awkward to be here with a teacher, but he was welcoming in every way that he could be. He had fixed her dinner and given her a place to sleep. Lana had never felt such gratitude towards someone. She surveyed the room once more before sitting back down on the bed. She let the comfort factor of the mattress be her only concern. It felt as if she was sinking into the thing, and she let herself surrender even further into her thoughts. Her friends hadn't been as helpful as Jason had been over the past few days. Did they care as much about her as she thought?
A loud crash from downstairs yanked her from her thoughts. She sat upright on the bed then slowly made her way out of the bedroom. She turned the door handle slowly hoping that whatever happened wouldn't again, but the sound came again. A feeling of dread shot through her as she opened the door. She made her way out into the hallway as the sound came again. She was able to identify the sound as a bottle breaking now. Apprehension swarmed through her replacing the dread. What was going on? When she reached the top of the stairs, she had a good idea. Liquor bottles were flying through the living room like they were nothing. Worried, she walked downstairs. Jason was standing in the kitchen with a new bottle in his hand poised to throw it. A wild look was in his eyes as he chunked the bottle across the room.
"Damn you bitch!" His words slurred as they came out. "Look at what you've done to me! I moved here for nothing!"
Lana stepped back as the next bottle landed near the others. Shards of glass covered the living room floor. Lana couldn't believe it. What had gotten into her caring, sweet teacher to make him act like this? She stepped forward after another bottle went flying. It didn't take her long to smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Jason!" she yelled. He didn't seem to hear her, so she raised her voice even higher. "Jason! What's going on?"
Jason took no notice of her as Lana called for him. She was too scared to get any closer. Concern had replaced any fear that she had though. As his nonsensical words kept coming, she had a feel for what was going on. Soon enough he would run out of things to throw and break, and he would realize what he was doing. Nonetheless, she kept trying to get his attention.
"Fucking bitch!" Jason screamed.
At this point, Lana was unsure who he was talking about. It wasn't a good feeling at all. She thought she could trust him to take care of her. It was turning out that he was as emotionally unstable as she was.
"Jason, please calm down." she pleaded. It was then that he noticed her standing there. Her eyes were wide and she was concerned for him. When she was sure it was okay, she walked over to him, being mindful of the shattered glass on the floor covering the distance between them. He sank to the floor, covering his face with his hands. When she reached him he was crying softly into his hands.
"I'm so sorry." he said softly.
Lana put her hand on his back in an attempt to comfort him. She moved her hand in small circles across his back and let him lean against her. So much for a normal place to stay. She had problems of her own without worrying about those of a grown man. She let him lay against her anyways. It felt good to be needed. It felt good to be the one doing the comforting instead of the one on the receiving end. Lana let him lay there for a minute before she started to ask questions. She didn't figure the answers would be very understandable and she was right.
"What's wrong?" she asked. Jason leaned up against her body and attempted to cuddle with her. She didn't like the thought but allowed him to. He needed her as much as she needed him.
"Don worry 'bout it." His words came out butchered. Lana sighed.
"Drinking isn't the way to solve your problems. Look at where it gets you." she pointed to the living room which was now in ruins.
"I know." Jason cried. He lifted his hands from his face and looked at her. "I didn't want you to see this side of me."
"That's not the point." Lana said softly. "Let's get you cleaned up, and then I'll worry about the living room."
"That's not your problem!" he said sharply. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I'm such a failure. Please, please, please forgive me. I didn't mean what happened on the mountain. I never woulda done it. I never woulda hurt you like that, Rae. Please! Just hold me. I take it back! I want you."
Anguish coated every word he said. It left Lana confused. What happened on the mountain, and who was Rae? What had she done to him?
"Jason, it's Lana." she said. He looked up at her, clearly confused.
"Lana?" he said. "Lana, where's my Rae? Did she leave?"
"Who is Rae, Jason?" Lana asked.
"My girlfriend! My girlfriend, Rachel. She was here earlier, wasn't she? She didn't really leave! She was just messing around, right? I mean, I really didn't mean to jump, I didn't. Honest. I just can't stand the thought of... where is she?" he rattled on and on. The sadness in his amber eyes killed her. Her mind went immediately to the ex-girlfriend of his that he spoke of in class. That must be who Rachel was. She couldn't bring herself to tell him that she had never been in the house, though.
"Jason...Rachel was never here. You aren't dating anymore." she said carefully.
"NO! No, no. That's not right!" There was a new wave of tears rushing down his face now. It broke everything in Lana to see him this way. She may not know him very well, but no one deserved this. "She didn't leave me. She couldn't have. We bought this house and... ohhhh, no! She did leave, didn't she. Please, no."
Lana ran her fingers through his hair and allowed him to lean against her as he started crying again. She did the best she could to calm him down, but it seemed as though he had more damage than she thought. This ex of his must have really screwed him over. Sort of like Kyle had her, but way more in the emotional category. She had never seen such anguish in one person.
"Jason, if she left you, she doesn't deserve you. You'll find someone better." she tried to give him some sort of comforting words. It didn't work.
"No I'm the one who doesn't deserve her. I can't give her what she wants. I just can't. That's why I went to the mountain. I went to the mountain to get away. Why didn't I just do it?" he said.
Lana gripped him tighter. "Do what, Jason?"
"Jump." he said simply, as if suicide to him was nothing. "Jump, why the hell didn't I just jump? If I had jumped, I wouldn't have to worry about it."
"Jason, you wouldn't have!" Lana was shocked when she heard those words come out of his mouth. He definitely had more and slightly worse problems than he did. Suicidal thoughts along with alcoholism, it seemed. "Jason, you have people that care about you and count on you every day. You wouldn't have done that to them, would you?"
"Maybe I need to think about myself every once in a while." he said, and broke free of her. He turned and looked her in the eye. "I'm sorry you saw this, Lana. I'm going to bed now."
As Jason attempted to get up, he stumbled. Lana caught him before he fell in the glass behind him and helped him steady himself. She grabbed his forearm and helped him navigate across the glass covered floor. When she got him in bed, she rubbed his forehead lightly, and spoke to him softly.
"Jason, I'll be here for you the same way you're here for me. I'll help you when you need it. Just ask. I'll always help. Please take care of yourself, I need you." tears streaked down her face as she said the last part. She watched him sleep quietly, and brushed his hair out of his face before she left the room to go clean up the mess that had been made downstairs.
When she reached the living room and switched on the overhead light, she realized the damage that had been done. Some of the bottles had liquor in them still and stains covered the white couches where the liquid had hit. The glass covered almost every inch of the floor, and the TV was all but ruined. Funny how she had been marveling over how nice the place was earlier.
Lana went into the kitchen and grabbed the broom so she could begin the clean-up process. The glass was in odd places everywhere. She cleaned it up out of corners and in between couch cushions. When the sweeping was finished, she started in on drying up the liquor stains. Lana had no idea how the walls and couches were going to survive this, but she did the best she could to get everything neat and clean. Jason was going to be in for a surprise when he woke up in the morning. Lana had a feeling that he wasn't going to remember a thing given his level of intoxication when she found him.
When the job was finished, she went back upstairs. Her life was so eventful and it was always in the worst way. She just needed a break sometimes. Before Lana climbed back into the bed, she changed clothes. There was no way she was sleeping the nasty liquor stained outfit she had been wearing. As soon as she felt clean enough to return to the bed, she slid under the covers and turned onto her side. She turned off the bedside lamp before she shut her eyes. She only hoped that tomorrow would be better than today.
Sooo, tell me what you thought :)