I didn't know why I was afraid. Why I was clutching my pillow for dear life. Had I not prepared myself for this? Why was I cowering?
It was much different than I had imagined it. The end. Nothing, I know now, nothing in this world could have prepared me for this. I trembled again. I was sure I heard it again. An exasperated sigh, as if frustrated that I haven't joined it yet.
But what was there to join? The blank, undisturbed nothing was all I could imagine after my life. Will the nothingness feel it, when another soul joined it? Fear plummeted again through my system.
All my life I taught myself that there was nothing to expect from death. You die; you die that was it. There was no special reward. I was to live my life to try to spread as much influence as I could. But now that my time has run out. There was nothing left to do, just to lie back and walk calmly into Death's hands. But why was it so hard? Why couldn't I stop myself from shuddering violently as fear gripped me again?
Tears were flowing fast and thick upon my face. The night was the black and velvety kind tonight, and that seemed to scare me even more. No moonlight shone, the only illumination in the dark little room was the yellowish light from the street. Yet despite the fact that the evening was reasonably warm, I was cold. My hands were turning blue yet I couldn't summon the strength to pull the blanket over my head. I shuddered again.
Now instead of tears, memories rained down upon my mind. Like a thunderstorm, they rocketed through, lighting every dark corner in my mind. I was more afraid now than ever. Would I loose these precious memories, the only lights in my life?
I could feel it trickle in now. A new kind of cold washed through me, erasing every thought. I longed to succumb to the darkness, to let go of feeling and pain. Another part of me willed me to keep my sanity. What would happen if I didn't resist? I trembled slightly, not as violently as before. A gentle numbness was paralyzing me, pulling me under.
My heart's last beat seemed to echo through my ears. The darkness swallowed me whole before fear clutched my soul again.