suicide note

i am going to the river—why?
to make a hole in it. try
and stop me, if
you dare.

i pick truth: you
are much too late.
you should have seen this coming years ago when i
was already beyond the sea.

funny, i said to you,
how i can't seem to make much of my life.
at least, then
, you replied,
you may make much ado over your death.

i will admit, i said, that that is what
i am afraid of
. and of course you didn't
know what i meant; i still mean
to have you figure it out sometime
before autumn comes. (let me not
pass unnoticed—that is all i ask.)

and this
is the other meaning you never knew:
that was the obligatory cry for help; this is simply
goodbye. because i
am going to the river. and you—
try and save me
if you dare.