Paradox

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You said, "I love you,
But I just can't love you right."

And as I sit and hear the words, I know
I'm in for another sleepless night.

You said, "I care about you—
I always have; I always will."
And as the implications hit home,
My eyes begin to fill
With tears as you continue on:

"I mean, it feels so right with you;
But I don't think I could be strong.
If I'm not with you — I just can't last that long."

And I nod and I agree
Because I know that your words are true—

And then you say, "I'm sorry;
I know this isn't fair.
But you deserve someone better;
Someone who knows how to care
For you the way to deserve
To be cared for.
And, to be honest with you,
I'm not sure I know how to anymore.

I'm sorry, but I'm damaged," you say,
As though I don't know this all-too-well.
"I can't be what you need me to be," you add,
And my heart begins to swell
With emotions I burred long ago,
When I told myself I wouldn't
Keep allowing myself to go
Where we always used to go.

But somehow, for all my trying,
We always end up right back
In that same old place of—
Un-tapped feelings,
Skewered words,
And hearts beating
Out of pace.

It's a place I don't want to be in;
A situation I'd give anything to avoid.
A place where all of this confusion
Would just be null and void.

And then, your words come again:
"I love you, but you need to know
That I just can't be what you need;
No matter what you think,
No matter what you believe."

So I nod and say, "I understand,"
Even though I really don't.

I mean, how can you say
That you love me
And say that, in spite of the fact,
You still won't?

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L. Kantenseter
11-07-07