OMG! How to Write Reviews like a TTLY KEWL PRO

or,

In Which I Feel the Need to Write Another Sarcasm-Filled Guide

more sarcasm. eat it.


Now, you're going through this website, and you see all these TOTALLY AWESOME pieces of writing (and some not-so-good ones), and you want to tell the writer what you think about them! Now, how do you do this?

Ignoring the big 'Review' button on the bottom left corner of the page, you could email them! But what if they haven't posted their email address? Well, then you could somehow stalk them through the internet and locate their home address, and then mail them a letter! But they might get a little freaked out.

Wait--but what would you say? So let's forget about figuring out how to review these pieces and figure out how to write an actual review first!

The best thing to do when writing a review is to apply the same principles of How to Write Badly (also written by me). Misspell words, don't punctuate, use bad grammar, be 'l33t', etc. Also, keep it as short as possible. For example, take this review I once received.

'deep'

Isn't that just gorgeous? Of course, they forgot to misspell it, but that's alright. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Especially you.

What's more, you should never, ever point out any bad parts of their writing! Even if it's all bad! Just say 'kewl'. Bwahahahaha. Even if your eyes start to bleed from the absolute horrificness of the piece, you must be happy! Get high if you must. Particularly shady casinos are good for this.

It's also a good idea to endorse yourself during these reviews! For example,

'HI LOLOL. I'M KAWAIINEKO!!!! I LYK UR POEM THINGY. ITS ULMOST AS GEWD AS MYNE. COME C.'

Even if the piece in question happens to be a novel.

It's not like anyone ever actually minds.