Ka-Chanski

One of the most miserable hospitals in existence happened to be situated in the East of France. The tall, grey building was surrounded by luscious green hillocks and beautiful sunsets, yet it stood out like a rotten apple in a bag of pink marshmallows. Inside, patients lay miserable, sick and possibly dying. Children cried, grannies cried and even the most responsible adult around could be expected to shed a tear or two.

Doctor Foster's office was tucked away deep inside one of the hospital's many dark and gloomy basements. Huddled over his little desk with a screwdriver in one hand and a spanner in the other, Dr. Foster was about to make one of the greatest inventions in the history of humankind. Its name was Ka-Chanski, the greatest dancing robot ever to walk the earth.

Ka-Chanski was made from two old tin-cans, some metal rods for arms and legs, lots of bolts and nuts to hold him together, and a big ball of wires and chipboards which made him so great! He may have been small, and his head may have once been used to store baked beans, but that robot was hard-wired to make the world happier than it was before he was invented.

Once Dr. Foster had finished his amazing creation, he placed Ka-Chanski on the floor and began to teach him all the dances worth knowing. By the time Ka-Chanski was allowed to roam the hospital, he could waltz, samba, barn-dance and best of all, he could Jive. The Jive was, after all, Ka-Chanski's favourite dance.

When Dr. Foster finally believed Ka-Chanski was ready, he opened his office door and set the little robot free. From there, Ka-Chanski danced all the way around the hospital and whenever he passed, people would wipe their tears away and smile. All of the sick and dying would feel just that little bit better whenever he was around, no matter how bad their situation may have been.

Because people appreciated Ka-Chanski so much, they put Euros in the horizontal slot which looked a bit like a mouth to say thank you. When Ka-Chanski went back to Dr. Foster's office with a belly full of money, the Doctor was needless to say, delighted.

Pleased with all of the money Ka-Chanski was making, the Doctor sent the robot out again to collect more money around the hospital. And when Ka-Chanski came back with another belly-full of coins, the Doctor sent him out again and again to get some more.

Over time, the little robot tottered around the hospital pathetically because his belly was too heavy to dance properly. Little by little, Ka-Chanski became more and more unhappy. He hated eating up all the money because it tasted cold and vile, and rattled around inside him. The money made him feel sick.

Because he couldn't dance properly, the patients didn't like him anymore and would cry even louder whenever they saw him. The day Ka-Chanski snapped was the day when an elderly patient actually got up and kicked him into a rubbish bin. Feeling sad and dazed, he sat amongst the rotting food and came to a revelation: he didn't actually have to put up with this. He didn't have to eat the money if he didn't want to, who was going to stop him?

From that moment onwards, Ka-Chanski only wanted to eat nice things. Crawling out from the rubbish, Ka-Chanski then marched to the terminal ward, his little metal feet clicking on the floor. When the patients saw that he had arrived, they began to groan loudly and complain, but the robot didn't care. He opened the little mesh door on his belly and emptied all the loose change onto the floor. Trotting up to one of the bed-side tables, Ka-Chanski grabbed a beautiful bouquet of flowers and began to push them into his mouth-slot. The flowers felt warm and nice, and they certainly didn't rattle.

Deciding that this was a definite improvement, Ka-Chanski performed a perfect pirouette. Needless to say, the patients were stunned.

When Dr. Foster had heard what Ka-Chanski had done, he marched up to the little robot, picked him up and shook him angrily. "I want my money!" He shouted. "Get out there you useless lump of metal, and if you don't come back with a belly full of money, don't bother coming back at all!"

Ka-Chanski stared at his beloved creator sadly, wondering if his hearing-chip was functioning correctly. That was the day that he left the hospital forever.

The patients tried to stop him from leaving. They shoved their dreaded money in front of his face, but Ka-Chanski wouldn't eat any of it. Stepping out onto the luscious green hillocks, the robot danced over the horizon and never came back. He danced all the way over the Alps and found his way into Switzerland, where he made lots of Swiss people happy and ate lots and lots of flowers.

The people in the hospital still cry and no matter how hard greedy Doctor Foster tried, he could never make another robot as great as Ka-Chanski.


A Note from the author: I once had the best dream ever about this little guy, and he's been doodled all over my notebooks ever since. I hope somebody loves him as much as I do. Don't forget to review!