sitting in the silence,
as my hands work,
over-ferverently,
and they fumble,
and I fail,
to end the buzzing of the silence,
in my ears,
thats been chasing me for years,

and soon, I give up,
the chord to my savior,
is in a tangle,
and I must live,
in the silence,
a buzzing wall,
between me and the people,
I am supposed to love.

this enormous guilt follows me,
I know I regret,
not feeling them near me,
and blocking them out,
because the real me,
is separate from my body.

And the noise, it gets so deafening,
my ear drums explode,
with the rest of the room,
and I close my eyes,
to wait for the pain,
but I realize,
its always been there,
and never gone away,

schizophrenia,
some say,

I open my eyes,
and everything is the same.