You should know now, before you read this, being a virgin until your 25th birthday is not a good thing.
Well, I guess, that depends. It's not a good thing if you're me.
It had never really bothered me a whole lot before; my lack of sexual experience. I've always felt left out when the topic of sex arose, but I managed to get by with inserting my opinion every now and then. It's not like I'm saving myself for marriage, not like that's a bad thing, it's just not me. I'm a helpless romantic who had lost all faith in her own love-life. I have, for the past couple of years, decided that love just wasn't for me.
The… problem… started a couple of months before my 25th birthday. My parents were throwing a large birthday/promotion celebration that was going to be the "social event" of the year, at least in the gated community that I had grown up in. My mother was going all out to impress the neighbors and guests, and my father, well, he wasn't too thrilled about the amount of money being spent, but he had said it was worth it. I didn't believe him. This was another thing that Mr. Fernando Sueras was doing for his "little girl." Even though I didn't want a big party, I was damned if I wasn't getting one. I knew that he loved my brothers and me equally, but he had always teased that I was his favorite because I didn't shave years off his life and didn't add to his graying hair. I would always laugh and hug him just the same, knowing he was only joking.
You may as well find out now, because it will only make the understanding of my story easier, I don't have very high-self esteem. I never really did. Though, I think I've gotten better.
Now at least, I like who I am. That was never the case before. I've never lost that "oh-so-cute baby fat" though over the years it spread out more evenly over my body. I remember having to wear training bras in the fourth grade because I developed early, which only added to my self-consciousness. Later on my breasts got bigger, some might say "huge," and my hips flared out. I never looked weird or un-proportional, since I was tall. I am five-foot-nine. But then again that was also a problem back in my younger and teenage years. I was always the tallest kid in the class. Being the "biggest" girl in the grade, never sat well with me.
The private school, Greens Gate Prep, I went to was for kids attending kindergarten all the way up to twelfth grade, which never seemed to be a problem since the school was sectioned off. But it hadn't mattered. The pretty, thin, platinum blond girls, of my grade, had taken an immediate dislike to me and they never had a problem showing it. My light brown hair and blue-gray eyes, which hid behind glasses, didn't fit in well with the "in crowd."
My older brother, Tony, was always the popular one, and when he could he would protect me from the blond meanies. Having a brother two years older than me and a god back in high school did have its perks, but it didn't stop all the bullying. Though, I guess I do owe my best friend to the Malibu Barbies of the class.
Jay and I have been inseparable since about the second week of the sixth grade. The "Barbie Bunch" (as I had liked to call them) had embarrassed me at lunch by asking why I continued to eat, even though my lunch had only been an apple. My mother, a personal image freak, had insisted that I had needed to lose at least fifteen pounds. She had found that a perfectly reasonable cure for my lack of "social talent." They had taunted me into silent tears and had laughed at my retreating back as I had run out of the lunch room.
The new kid in the grade had followed me out of the cafeteria and into the girl's room. I had been so upset that I hadn't even batted an eye as he came, sauntering in. He had quietly chimed that I was beautiful and that the blond bimbos were only jealous because I could eat more than they could, without throwing up. I had laughed and gazed at him and then in surprise had asked why he was in the girl's bathroom. Jay's response had been quick and he had delivered it with a twinkle in his dark green eyes.
"Oh sweetie, you don't have the right anatomy that I would ogle at. I shouldn't be allowed to go into the boy's room if they know what's good for them." And with wink, Jay had slowly wiped the tears from my face. And I had let him.
I fell in love with Jay that day and I would joke for years to come that if he ever gave up men, I had better be the first to know. He would always laugh and peck my lips sealing them with a promise. But that day would never come. Jayden Garrett loved men. And he went through them quickly too. Always finding some flaw in his flavor of the month and tossing the "specimen" back into the dating pool.
When I ask him about his commitment issues, Jay just shrugs and says that he is waiting for one of my brothers to romantically notice him and come out of the closet. I knew he only jokes about them to get me to keep quiet about his dating life. That was the rule with Jay. He could pry into my love-life, but I couldn't pry into his.
And that little rule of Jay's is what started my "problem." I had never really learned how to say no to Jay. My brothers tell me this all the time, but I can't help it. I am a huge push over for that six foot tall, extremely well groomed and pampered, tanned Irishmen. And Jay knows it.
It takes a lot for me to blow a fuse when it comes to dealing with Jay. I still remember the first time it had happened. It had been 10th grade, the year Jay had decided that him wearing more makeup than me was not a good sign. I had suggested that he wear less, but that hadn't flown too well with him.
Jay had insisted that I "learn to play the part of a female." I had been a little shocked at the time. I mean, I wasn't totally tragic. I had my own style that involved minimal cosmetics on my face. I didn't go out of the house looking like a slob. Blouses that weren't low cut and jeans could be found in most of my walk in closet. A messy bun would top off my outfit; I have always hated dealing with my thick wavy hair. My clothes were all expensive brand names, my mother saw to that, but Jay had said that I "needed to learn how to wear them."
So we had taken a town car into the city and I met with Jay's personal hair stylist. My mother had always tried to get me to color my hair and have a "professional" show me how to dress and look. The summer before my "make-over," she had gotten close, except my father had intervened, saying I didn't need any help looking prettier than I already was.
But my father hadn't been there as William had highlighted and cut my hair into medium length layers that seemed to curl beautifully around my face. Next Jay had taken me to the optometrist, and after deciding that I looked better with glasses on he had picked out a stylish pair of thin black framed glasses. He had said that they made my blue-grey washed eyes pop. After that we had gone shopping.
I had had fun up until then, but I hate shopping. I still do. Jay knew that, and the twinkle in his dark green eyes showed that he would have fun none-the-less. I had refused to buy anything that would show off my cleavage, but Jay insisted, saying that it wasn't my choice.
Everything had been charged to one of his many credit cards and once we hopped back into the town car I had been so happy with my new hair and to be on the way back home that had I said thank you and kissed him. It was supposed to have been one of our usual pecks on the lips. But Jay had deepened the kiss to my total surprise. I had pulled back but Jay's warm hand had found its way to the back of my neck and it had stopped me from pulling away.
I hadn't known what the hell was going on and then second Jay had pulled away from my flushed face and moist lips I had know he hadn't meant anything by the kiss. Jay had laughed at my confusion and shock. Then hugged me close saying "You're hot as shit now sweetie, but sorry I'm still into the whole man scene. I had to see if this whole new you stirred me in a whole new way."
I am the first one to admit that Jay can be a total and complete jerk. That had been one of those times.
I had been so pissed that Jay had toyed with my feelings and I had let him know it. A week had gone by without us talking and finally he had apologized saying that he thought it hadn't been a big deal. I got over it quickly enough, but it had taken a long time before the memory of that kiss had stopped hurting. Now-a-days we laugh about it and I joke around say that I had turned him straight for the day.
Don't get me wrong, my best friend and I do have fights every now and then, but we get over it. We get on each other's nerves all the time, but in the end Jay will make some funny comment and we'll laugh it over. And when I had said inseparable, I meant it.
After graduation we had gone to the same state university and had followed up with graduate degrees. Jay likes to move from job to job, kind of like he does with his boyfriends. But I had gotten a great, steady job at an advertizing company after my education had come to an end. Shortly after I had moved into the city and I've been here for about three years now.
Jay had tried living with one of his many boyfriends; actually the guy had lasted longer than any other one before him. But it had ended badly. In the end Jay moved in with me and now we share the penthouse suite in a really old but classy apartment building in the upper side of the city. We each get our own spacious bedroom and a bathroom, but the large kitchen and living room are sometimes the battle zone for our blow outs.
That's where my newest problem had started. I had been sitting down at the bar in the kitchen speaking very loudly with my mother over the phone. I don't know what it is, but that lady always brings out the worst in me. I love her, but she drives me fuck nuts.
Victoria Sueras is a tall thin lady who will always dress to impress. Having three kids in the fifty years of her life, didn't bother her, for she knew that she looked good. Short cropped black hair was always styled to go perfectly with every outfit. Everything matched impeccably from the eye shadow on the lids of dark brown eyes to the shoes that she wore on her delicate size eight feet. A workaholic on weekdays and the perfect hostess on the weekends, my mother was. She and the other ladies inside our gated community strived very hard to out-do each other, which was one of the reasons this specific call had come about.
"Leira, mi alma, I just don't understand why you don't want a big bash. You always say you want something small, but then nothing ends up happening. You come home and then we all go out to dinner." My mother said. "I want something big this year, especially since we will also be celebrating your promotion. Oh I haven't told Mary yet. She will just die."
I knew that the party was in my honor, but it just rubbed me the wrong way that my mother was bragging to the neighbors about her children's lives.
Usually for my father's and my birthday, my older brother and I would come home for the weekend and celebrate it by going out for a really nice family dinner at a four or five star restaurant. My brothers took after my mother though, and all their celebration had to be big.
I remember when my older brother had been at Greens Gate Prep. Jose Antonio, who everyone called Tony, had been a god at the private school we attended. His parties had always attracted hordes of people, half of whom he didn't even know. And Nicolas, who had just begun his twelfth and final year at the private school, had taken Tony's place as the most popular boy in school. Every weekend that our parents had been out of town, Tony had always thrown a massive party and I would always be the one who would have to deal with both his and Jay's drunken stupors and hangovers.
I knew it was still the same now-a-days; the only change was that the 18 year old, Nico, was the new host. I had never wanted to be a part of the party scene, but Jay had always dragged me along. He always thought that I would hook-up with some fine ass boy, but it had never happened. But that's what I expect from Jay. He always butts into my love-life.
He had done it that day too. Jay had walked into the kitchen half naked, baring his well toned chest as he grabbed a quick bite to eat. He had known I was on the phone with my mother, by the tone of my voice. He was on the other side of the island, listening to me every now and then try to get a rushed word in, but as usually my mother dominated the conversation. Jay leaned over and pushed the speaker button on the phone. My mother's voice came out loud and clear, and I gave Jay a look as I put the phone receiver down.
"Leira are you listening to me. It will be at the house on your birthday, which thank god is on a Saturday this year. Cocktails will be served and then there will be a catered buffet. We will pick the menu later. Oh and are you and that guy still going together. The engineer? You should bring him Leira, after all you can't show up to your party without a date. What will Mary and Linda say?" Boy, could she go on and on.
I was about to say that David an I had only gone out on three dates, when I decided that he only wanted to get to know me better because of my parents money. I didn't need a date, and I was going to tell her so, but my mom cut me off.
"And, no, Leira, Jay does not count. I'm sure he wants to take his own date. I still don't understand why he took you to prom."
This time I cut my mother off. Every time she brought up my dating, or lack-there-of, she had to bring up my twelfth grade prom. Jay and I had gone together as friends and we had had a blast at the dance and the after parties. But when my mother found out, she had a fit. She had said it was a disgrace that I ruined Jay's night and that I should have found a real date. I gave her the cold shoulder for more than a week, and finally my father had to mediate.
"Mom I don't need a date. I don't care if I go by myself. It's not a problem. Jesus it's our house for God's sake. It's not like its some formal dinner affair. And besides, Tony and Nico will probably bring dates, so Mary and Linda will just have to gossip about them." I said leaning into the phone, glaring at it. Jay had a smile on his face as he leaned on the counter also. I knew he secretly enjoyed when my mom and I fought. He always thought it was a hoot.
My mother would have none of it and she let me know. "That is exactly your problem, Leira. You don't care. And I will not stand for that attitude of yours, young lady. It may not be a dinner affair, but it is formal. You need to have something new and fashionable to wear, and you need to bring someone. It will look awful if your bothers have dates and you don't, and you know it." My mother was yelling now and I was getting ready to yell back.
The words "it's not my attitude, it's your perception," were on the tip of my tongue, but Jay cut me off.
"Don't worry, Ms Victoria. Leira will have a hottie for a date. I wouldn't dream of disappointing you." As he said the last part his voice was dripping with sarcasm. He took pleasure in making my mom pissed, but them again so did I. It was a rebellious side of me, what can I say.
I looked up at him and shock and began to curse him out silently, Jay just smiled. He and I both know that my mother is in love with Jay. I often joke around and say that Jay is the daughter that my mom wishes she had. We always get a laugh out of it, but sometimes I think it's true. Jay can do no wrong, in my mother's eyes, and I can do no right.
"Oh I didn't know you were listening in, Jay. How are you?" My mother's voice became joyful and the yelling had stopped. After Jay had said that he was doing just fine and they threw some small talk back and forth, my mother returned to the topic at hand, me.
"I am so glad that you are supporting my side of this discussion, Jay. I keep telling her and telling her, that she is not getting any younger and she needs to get herself out into the world of dating. Both her brothers have extremely health dating habits and the girls just flock to them." I saw red. This woman was crazy.
"Healthy? Are you kidding me? They both screw every blond bimbo that walks their way and you call that healthy. What are you on-" Jay nudged me and in side. He knew I was just going to make this phone call even worse if I kept talking. But my mother was delusional if she thought the relationships that Tony and Nico had were healthy. They were anything but.
"Remember who you are speaking to, young lady. I will not tolerate that sort of behavior out of you." My mother was now pissed, but then again so was I. She never seemed to understand that I didn't care anymore if I didn't have a dating life. I was over the fact that I was a failure in anything that had to do with men and relationships.
I couldn't take the constant bickering anymore so I felt. I walked out of the spacious kitchen and into the short hallway. After I had grabbed my car keys and my Coach purse I made a mad dash for the door before my mother or Jay could call me back. I knew he could handle her. Jay had had years of experience in dealing with my mother.
I just didn't know that he would get me into such a mess. Remember when I mentioned him saying that I would take a "hottie" to my party. Well when Jay sets his mind to something there is no stopping him.