She sat at her place during lunch, just staring. It wasn't like she was staring at someone in particular. She didn't mean to be rude, it just happened that her eyes were resting on another girl.
"Lindsay," the girl in front of her said. Lindsay didn't register the sound of her voice- she just watched as the glossed lips moved and felt the vibrations of the noise in the air. "Linds!"
"Huh?" Lindsay finally answered, blinking to look at her friend.
"Are you okay?" Lindsay shook her head, trying to clear it, "Yeah, fine, perfectly fine."
"You don't look fine," another girl at her lunch table said. Lindsay inwardly cringed- she couldn't stand this particular girl.
"Whatever," Lindsay said, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. The lunch room was filled with noise as usual, but Lindsay barely heard it. Thoughts were flying through her head- When was she going to get out of this school? Was it really a week until graduation? Why is that girl wearing blue socks with a green shirt on?!
Lindsay continued to stare off into oblivion, watching glossed lips move, fingers slowly point in her direction and she felt the vibrations become stronger and stronger.
"You guys talk, so much," Lindsay said, coming out of her dazed state to stare at her friends.
"And you are totally out of it," Julian, the friend with glossed lips that had interrupted Lindsay's thoughts first, said.
"More like in it," Lindsay smirked, running her hands through her hair.
"Oh, my gosh," Julian moaned, rolling her eyes. "How?"
"It's called the Smoker's Corner, honey," Lindsay grinned this time. Julian rolled her dark brown eyes, trying to ignore the fact that her best friend was still high. "Don't be mad!"
"I'm not mad," Julian said, putting a fake smile on her lips. Even through Lindsay's hazey brain she could tell her best friend was lying. The sides of those glossed lips never turned up that far when Julian was being honest. "Liar."
"I'm not mad, just disappointed," Julian finally confessed, looking at her friend with hopeful eyes. Lindsay nodded her head. "Eat."
"I will, during seventh period," Lindsay said, knowing that she probably wouldn't. Lindsay didn't eat a lot- it wasn't because she was self conscious. It was because she just wasn't hungry.
"Okay," Julian sighed, relieved. "So, what are you doing tonight?"
"I might just stay at home, or I'll hang with Phil."
"You're going to hang out with Phil?"
"We're still friends," Lindsay said with a shrug of her shoulder. "I mean, we did break up, but it was mutual."
"Whatever you say," Julian said, not believing her friend.
"Look, it's not like we're doing it," Lindsay defended herself. "I've gotten past that."
"Of course," Julian said, laughing at her friend. Lindsay had always been open with her sexual experiences. It wasn't as if she would deny anything- if was true, she wouldn't deny it. Her policy (along with many others): Don't ask, don't tell.
"Phil, stop," Lindsay complained, watching her ex-boyfriend strip in front of her. "Phil! No one else is watching but me."
"That's fine," Phil smirked, throwing his t-shirt at her.
"Phil, we don't need to see your gut, man," Dave said from across the room. Lindsay nodded in agreement.
"I'm back," Melissa called, running down the stairs leading to Phil's basement, also known as his room.
"Good, do you have my money?"
"Yeah, yeah," Melissa said, rolling her eyes. The thin girl handed Lindsay's ex-boyfriend twenty dollars. "Thanks."
"No problem," Phil stuffed the twenty into his pocket.
"The whole price? Phil, you should have given her a discount," Lindsay complained, furrowing her eye brows at the handsome young man in front of her.
"Because-" I'm your girlfriend. That wasn't a good excuse anymore. "Because she's your friend, you idiot."
"No, technically she's your friend who happens to be in my room," Phil said, smirking. He knew how to push Lindsay's buttons, and he knew exactly what Lindsay was going to say. "Tell me, why is she in this room?"
"To pay you," Lindsay said as through it was the simplest answer in the entire universe.
"I wonder how she got to me…"
"Yeah, I wonder," Lindsay scoffed.
"I'm not MEXICAN," Lindsay shouted, pulling at her hair.
"I know," Phil laughed, massaging her shoulder.
"I HATE Cenco de Mayo," Lindsay complained, brushing his hand away from her shoulder. She also hated Phil.
"I know, I know. You're Spanish."
"Thank you!" Lindsay exclaimed as she continued walking down the hallway with Phil. Two more days and she'd finally be able to skip school without getting in trouble, two more days and she'll finally be able to say that she was done with high school.
"Yo, you got any?" Some underclassman asked Phil, stopping the two on their way to fifth period.
"No," Phil said blankly as he continued walking, pulling Lindsay along.
"That was a lie," Lindsay laughed.
"I have a few left, but they're for us," he winked at her. Lindsay wanted to smile up at the young man, but she couldn't. She didn't want to be happy because she was going to spend more time with him. She just wanted what he had.
"You need to stop, Linds," Julian said on the phone the night before. "It's going to ruin you. You're such a good artist."
"It actually helps," Lindsay laughed, looking at the stick that rested on her text book.
"It won't help in the long run."
"Oh, shut up. It's not like I do it all of the time. It's only twice a day."
"I… actually don't think that I want any," Lindsay said, looking at Phil. His brown eyes twinkled down at her mockingly.
"Meet me at the Corner," Phil said, leaning down to give her cheek a kiss. With that he was gone, leaving Lindsay confused.
"I hate him."
"Julian…" Lindsay groaned, sulking up to her best friend. Julian had a smile plastered on her face. "I'm going to the Corner today with Phil."
"No! You're so close," Julian pleaded. It was the day before graduation- after lunch Julian and Lindsay were going to hang out before going out to party (after party, after party).
"I can't have fun if my head is a metronome, and if everything is magnified," Lindsay complained, pulling at her hair. Frustration was evident on her face- the pulling of the hair, the never before heard of whining and all the sulking and complaining. Julian felt helpless, but she knew that she couldn't have everything, "Fine, go ahead. I'll be waiting in your car."
"Oh my, gosh, I love you," Lindsay said, kissing Julian on the cheek before handing her best friend her car keys. "I swear that I won't be long, Juls. It'll only be a few minutes. Then, it will be you and me!"
"Whatever," Julian said, turning to the other girls at the table. Lindsay frowned at her friend before getting up to leave. Being the 'minority' of the population of the school, Lindsay and Julian had a lot in common. Okay- so Julian was Chinese and Lindsay was Spanish, that didn't matter. Lindsay loved how proactive and pessimistic Julian was, and Julian fed off of Lindsay's not-so-proactive ways, and on Lindsay's bright view on life. There was very little the two disagreed about- except for Lindsay's extracurricular activities.
"Let's hit the road," Lindsay grinned, getting into the passenger's seat. Julian could smell everything on Lindsay and she disliked it.
"I'm so glad you let me drive," Julian said, leaving the school's parking lot.
"Hmm," Lindsay hummed, watching as large patches of green and yellow fly by. The vibrations of Julian's voice mingled with the humming- a lovely, very lovely feeling. Julian looked quickly at Lindsay and smiled- Lindsay only ever smiled easily when she was like this.
"I'm sorry for being such a bad friend," Julian confessed.
"I should be making you stop," Lindsay felt like dancing with the invisible man that toyed with her in her dreams.
"I love you, Juls," Lindsay said suddenly, turning to her friend with glazed eyes. Through her haze, she could see the sad smile that played those oh-so familiar glossed lips.
"I love you, too."
"Nothing," Julian lied, knowing that her best friend hadn't heard her confession.
"Hmm," Lindsay hummed again, turning away to see the blue of the sky and the green of the trees pass by.
Julian sat on the couch of Phil's "room", watching everyone pass by. This was just one of the many stops she and Lindsay were taking tonight. Lindsay was dancing with her old friends, laughing about old memories and drinking soda (at least Lindsay, anyways) to toast their "accomplishments".
"She's happy here," Phil said, watching Lindsay. "Let her stay."
"She don't want to stay," Julian said, a bad taste in her mouth.
"She do," Phil smirked. As if you actually know her, Julian wanted to say. "She wants to stay with me."
"She hates you," Julian said, getting up to leave. Phil grabbed her arm, "From one Asian person to another, do what's best for our girl."
"I don't consider Pilipino to be Asian," Julian said, shaking him off before joining Lindsay.
"I'm going to miss you so badly," Lindsay cried, hugging her best friend tightly. Julian laughed and cried at the same time, "We're going to the same college!"
"I don't care," Lindsay cried again. "It-it'll be weird, you know?"
"You're right, you're right," Julian agreed, nodding her head. Suddenly they were swarmed by friends, tears and laughs were being tossed into the air.
"I'm glad today isn't cloudy," Lindsay beamed, grinning at Lindsay.
"I promise, Julian Chen, I promise," Lindsay said to the Julian as their picture was being taken. "I swear."
"You better, because I'll hurt you if you don't."
"No more going to the Corner."
"Phil, what's up?" Lindsay was surprised to see her ex-boyfriend at the Pocono Mountains. He'd always hated going to the mountains.
"Not much, you?"
"Same," Lindsay shrugged, adjusting her sweater. "What are you doing here?"
"A bunch of guys wanted to come up, and since I knew you were her, I thought I'd tag along."
"Aw, that's sweet," Lindsay smiled, taking him in. He wore a burgundy t-shirt over an off white thermal and Lindsay had the urge to snuggle next to him. He looked warm- the burgundy from the shirt made his already tan skin glow warmly, and his eyes were a chocolate colored brown.
"I quit the Corner."
"I guess I'll see you around," Phil said, scratching the back of his head.
"I heard that he's doing awful," Lindsay sighed into her cell phone as she sipped on her coffee. It was ten o'clock in the morning and Lindsay was making her way to her first class of the day.
"I heard the same thing," Julian said, stretching in her bed. While Lindsay decided to become a PT (Personal Trainer- Medical) Julian had decided to stick with what her parents had intended- Pharmacy. "Collin told me that he's having really bad withdraw- puking and cussing everywhere."
"I feel awful, this is all my fault," Lindsay groaned.
"No it's not."
"It's my parents fault."
"It's your family tradition's fault."
"I went to see him last night."
"You didn't," Lindsay whispered harshly.
"He's doing okay." Julian wouldn't look at her best friend. Instead, she looked at her friend's ear. At least that wasn't starring at her with disappointment.
"I know he is," Lindsay wanted to hiss. Her voice had dropped down to a whisper that was barely audible.
"I know you know," Julian said, smiling at her best friend's ear. The lines on Lindsay's ear moved and soon the colors of warm honey and chocolate were in Julian's line of vision. Julian sat on her hands, feeling giddy and nervous at the same time.
"I'm leaving," Lindsay said, grabbing her purse. She didn't want to think that her best friend, the responsible one, and her ex-boyfriend had met up at the Corner.
"I didn't go to the Corner." Julian was pleading with her eyes, but Lindsay could see how the emotions didn't reach her hazy eyes.
"I know you didn't. You went to him."
"I'm not Melissa," Julian wanted to shout but the librarian wasn't too far.
"No, you aren't. You're Julian, the smart little Asian girl with the fucked up best friend," Lindsay said, a smile playing at her lips. She should have been angry, she should have been disappointed, but for some reason she felt overjoyed. Julian wasn't enjoying the moral of life in front of her, instead she was discovering the dangerous side of life. Julian wasn't Lindsay.
"You're not a fuck up."
"Then who is?"
"No one is."
"There has to be one bad thing to have one good thing."
She sat in the hospital room, feeling the vibrations of the voices around her. The colors of the tiled floor became focused and then unfocused.
"I'm sorry miss," the doctor said, touching her shoulder. Lindsay flinched away from the doctor.
"Okay," she nodded, getting up and collecting her things. Lindsay no longer had a best friend, or at least a best friend in spirit.. Julian's mother cried, the vibrations feeling like hammers, while her father cussed.
"Please, be careful," the doctor said. His blue eyes pierced Lindsay's very soul. She wanted to scoff at him- it was as if he were blaming HER for her best friend's car accident.
"I will," she smiled at him weakly, nodding her head.
"Lindsay," Phil said, trying to get her to pay attention to him. Lindsay continued to power-walk to her class. "Listen to me."
"It's your fault, leave me alone!" Lindsay shouted as she slapped him briskly in the cheek. "You're never going to go back to the Corner right? You're never going to give anymore out. What's wrong with me?!"
"Yeah, what is wrong with you?"
"I'm still in love with you, you idiot," Lindsay cried, throwing her hands in the air before storming off.
How could I still have feelings for him? Lindsay asked herself when she sat on the side of Julian's hospital bed. Her best friend was in a coma because of the bastard and she still loved him.
"I'm an idiot," Lindsay admitted, holding her head in her hands as she sat facing her best friend. "I'm the biggest idiot in the world."
"I agree," came a croaking voice.
"What happened to Lindsay?" Phil asked Julian as he caught up with her. She was carrying a large cardboard box, and her face was red with anger and annoyance.
"Nothing," she said simply.
"I haven't seen her around, though," Phil continued, running his hands through his out grown hair. He needed a hair cut.
"She's been busy," Julian continued plainly.
"Find out yourself," Julian said, shooting him a look before going into her dorm. Phil sighed a kicked a rock away from him. In his pocket was a single stick. One more dip in the water wouldn't hurt.
Moving on was the hardest thing for Lindsay. She cried when she was moving, and she refused to paint, because the images would come out to look like Phil. She had spent so many years just being in Phil's company, that every where she looked reminded her of him. And that wasn't an exaggeration.
Each food in her fridge had some type of memory- baking parties, sleep-overs or just hanging out. Each cleaning supply brought her back to the Corner.
After six months, Lindsay had been back on the dating scene, and she was content with never seeing Phil (although she'd never admit that she longed for him). Each of her dates were clean, and proper. Dinner, a movie, maybe a walk in the park. None of them lasted long, though.
Lindsay didn't feel like herself anymore.
Phil never went back into the water, as he'd expected. Lindsay was constantly on his mind, and every time he even dipped a toe into the dark waters her face would appear.
Phil saw Julian almost everyday, but Lindsay was never with her. Well, Lindsay was, but she never stayed. He would watched as they exchanged quick hellos and spoke, but it always seemed like Lindsay sensed him, looked around and left. He could never catch her bright eyes though.
Phil sighed as he sat down for a break in his long day. He and college did not go well together- hell, he and high school never went well together. The air in front of Phil came out in clouds of white and Phil savored the moment. It was peaceful, quiet, and he felt like the world was finally on his side.
A gasp reverberated in the air, making the back of Phil's neck erupt in chill bumps. That gasp was so familiar.
To say the least, Lindsay hadn't expected her not so perfect night to end so perfectly with a very contented Phil sleeping next to her. So she sinned, Lindsay did not care. She'd done it before, and she'd do it again just to feel the same way she'd felt.
The darkness of night took over her eyes and Lindsay fell asleep soundly, facing Phil with a smile on her face. This was the way it was meant to be, and this was the way it was going to stay.
She hadn't just hit the sack with Phil immediately. In fact, Lindsay was on, yet another, date with, yet another, man that she was not too interested in. When the two were walking back to her apartment, Lindsay spotted the perfect silhouette of Phil sitting on a bench.
Phil, who had seen the desperate plea on Lindsay's face, instantly stood up to act at the hurt boyfriend. It was quite a show, actually, and Lindsay could barely hold herself as she watched the two men duke it out. Phil's face had turned a deep red in anger, but his smile could not be hidden as they walked away.
Phil walked Lindsay home after the short brawl, and they ended up talking to the wee hours of the night. By the time they had run out of things to say- or were just too tired to say it, Lindsay kissed Phil with all she had.
And he kissed her back, over and over again.