My hometown is on fire again,

like last time, but better.

I can't see the flames but the smoke rots our air

and ash falls from the sky like a gray snow.

Sleep will refuse me again tonight,

I can feel it.

I still don't feel better.

Not even a little,

it's not her,

it's something worse.

it's not making me feel better.

Nothing is making me feel better.

My heart is beating too fast,

moving my things,

fuck.

I should go to bed,

forget I ever thought all these terrible things so late at night,

the worst time the think about

such things.

I wish I was dying,

then I wouldn't have to wonder anything

…ever.

Maybe it's the dry weather,

it's tearing my skin off.

Bastard.

But I suppose there's nothing I can do about it.

He's in the shower,

you know it,

stop fucking up yourself.

Fuck this shit,

I'm going to bed.

I may or may not sleep.