I finished the last of my chores and plopped down on the ground, worrying. The worrying slowly escalated to an hallucinatory panic attack in which Kat finds out about Rennic and me and it causes her health to take a turn for the worst. I was just getting to the part where I run away to die in the woods when Rennic snuck up on me and brought me back to reality by attacking me. And by attacking, I mean kissing. I try to fight him off but promptly collapse against him and kiss back instead. Oh, how I hate him…

Finally I managed to convince my disobedient arms to let go of Rennic's neck. "Ren," I tried to protest sharply, but to my horror it came out sounding more like begging. "Rennic!" I tried again, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. Losing my virginity wasn't on my list of things to do today. "What?" he asked lazily. I was disappointed to notice that I seemed to have no effect on him. Why was he so completely in control of us? I sighed and said, "I have to go visit Kat. I skipped yesterday and I really don't want to miss two days. It would hurt her feelings." Rennic scowled but just said, "Okay." But before he would let me go he just had to press our bodies really close together and kiss me extremely roughly. Then he spun me in the direction of Kat's and gave me a nudge. "See you," he told me nonchalantly, leaving me to stumble off.

I knocked but no one seemed to be home so I just went into Kat's room. Rennic's mind numbing effects were worn off so of course I was worrying again. Today I would not lead her on. I sat down next to her bed just as her eyes opened. She smiled at me, and I smiled back nervously. She tried to say something, but instead clutched her stomach suddenly. "Are you okay?" I asked, alarmed. "Yes," she said weakly, wincing. My heart ached for her, and I bent down to hug her and stroke her hair. After a few minutes she recovered, and I remembered I was avoiding getting too close to her. But it was too late.

The third kiss with Kat was no better than the first. I mean, I tried, but I just didn't know what to do. And with Rennic it comes so naturally… Then again, he's mostly the one who does things, I just try to get enough oxygen to stay conscious. I could beat Rennic half the time in a sword fight, but when it came to romance, I was weak and pathetic. I wasn't much better when it came to Kat, either. This was really, really unfair. And she wasn't letting me escape with a short kiss this time. Ack, what was I supposed to do?

She had a hold on my shirt, pulling me down towards her. I felt her chest start to touch mine and began to hyperventilate. I was making out with a girl I considered to be a sister! I jumped back and said, "I don't think this is such a good idea." "Aw, Suco, you're face is all pink," Kat replied, laughing softly at me. Hello, you just completely ignored me, I whined mentally. "Why are you being so shy?" she asked, but apparently didn't expect an answer because before I could think her lips were on mine again. How could I forget, she never did know how to take a hint.

I made a squeak of protest and pulled away. "Suco, is something wrong?" Kat asked. Finally, she catches on… "Yes! Well no, not exactly. I don't know," I answered intelligently, covering my face with my hand and trying to stop my nervous shaking. "Is there… another girl?" Kat asked quietly. "No, I mean, well no, there's no other girl…" "You just don't see me in this way?" she whispered. She looked at me, her face brave as always, seemingly casual about asking me that. But I've known Kat my whole life and it didn't take me more than a second to realize it was an act. She cared. She cared a lot. Her eyes were almost pleading with me. I was shocked and almost horrified. Was she in love with me or something?

I didn't know what to do. My brain was screaming in agony and my mouth was hanging silently open. I tried to think of how I could reject her. Should I tell her about Rennic? Yes, that seemed the only way. I put my hands on her shoulders gently and tried to get the words out. She lay there, waiting patiently for me to speak. She looked so small. Small and thin and sad. I had a sudden pang of grief, and wondered how I would live if she died. She was my best friend. Breaking her heart would not help her get better. My subconscious made a decision without considering consequences.

An hour later I was on my way home, my head pounding with guilt and confusion and who knows what else. I felt like I was betraying Kat by leading her on, and I was betraying Rennic by getting involved with Kat. Surely this was the worst thing to ever happen to anyone ever in the history of everything.

If I thought Kat had the power to make me uncomfortable before, she became truly scary when I actually encouraged her. All I did was hold her to try and comfort her. Well, and kiss her. But my mouth was closed and I really barely touched her. I thought that would make her feel better, but I should have known she'd see no reason to stop there. Next thing I know she's trying to mold her body as close to mine as possible. Her hands are all over me, and it's all I could do to convince her we should keep our clothes on. She even kept trying to put my hands on her, but I refused because that was much too terrifying for me.

The bad part was the kissing though. Her kisses are long, and slow, and gentle, and... really soft. I would get lost in it and actually start to want her. Then I'd remember the way Rennic kissed me and feel so disloyal. It felt so evil to be letting myself feel anything with Kat. I knew I loved Rennic, not Kat, but I didn't know how to stop. You try stopping Kat from getting what she wants. I finally escaped, saying she needed her rest and I should go home for lunch.

I ran into Rennic on the way home. When I saw him, I nearly jumped out of my skin. "What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Um, n-nothing," I stuttered. "Don't lie, you're a nervous wreck. What happened at Kat's? She try to kiss you again?" He was just teasing but I felt a wave of guilt anyway. I quivered and my eyes got watery. Embarrassed, I looked down at the ground. "Really, what's the matter, Suco?" Rennic said, his tone surprised and worried now. The fact that he was worried about me was just too much. Rennic hardly ever shows any emotion towards me, and to know he cared made me feel so bad I just started sobbing.

"I-I'm sorry Rennic, I did something, something bad, I think I betrayed you, I'm so con-confused," I choked out, not making much sense. He didn't ask me anything, just grabbed me and held me close until I stopped crying. His display of affection and my embarrassment at being seen crying made me cry even harder, but I pulled myself mostly together after a minute or two. "Sorry," I sniffed miserably. "It's okay," Rennic assured me, "Just tell me what's wrong."

After a minute I took a deep breath and said, "Kat and I…" I looked at him pathetically, trying to think of how to explain. "You...?" Rennic's eyes widened a little, questioning me. "Oh, no!" I practically yelled, "We only kissed." Rennic paused. "You have feelings for her." "I don't! I was thinking about you!" I shouted, then flinched and turned red. He thought for a second, and I thought he was deciding whether to tease me or kill me, but he just asked, "Why?" "I-I don't know. I didn't know what else to do," I started tearing up again. "I just don't know how to handle all of this. Pl-please don't be mad, Ren. Please please please don't be m-mad."

I would have bet my life on Rennic telling me not to be so dramatic or something similar. Instead he whispered, "I'm not mad, I love you. Don't cry anymore, okay? We'll figure it all out and everything will be fine." I stopped mid-sniffle. "Y-you l-l-love me?" I stuttered so bad I was surprised he understood me at all. "Of course," he muttered, meeting my eyes and waiting for a reply. I was shocked into silence, though, so I gave the only answer I could. I stood on my tiptoes and for once, I kissed him.