A young man sighed as he read over the contents of his shopping list. Now if you were to venture closer to this boy you would see how troubled his pale face was. Ice blue eyes blinked once as he stared at the little pink sticky note in his pale shaky hands. Slowly the boy stood up from his position on the bench. "Better get this over with…Damn that woman!" he yelled as he grabbed his bag and headed off in the direction of the drug store.
Hell on Earth
"Banger!" a blond teenaged girl yelled causing the blue haired boy to squeak and drop the container he was holding. Glaring at the giggling girl he bent over and picked up the box that he had dropped. "What do you want?" he snapped at the girl as he examined the box. "You know…if you're buying condoms, I'd go with the extra strength ones. You know so they don't….'Snap' half way through!" the girl said while trying not to laugh. "Stacey!" Banger growled at her, as his face turned slightly red.
"So? What do you think of my new bra?" Stacey asked her best friend while holding up a black see through lacey bra. Grabbing the black piece of cloth, Banger examined it. "It's very…black." He said while laughing, then picking up a different box and dropping it in the cart and walking away in the direction of the cash out, not waiting for Stacey to follow. Walking up to the counter Banger proceeded to place his items on the counter, ignoring the fact that Stacey was flirting shamelessly with the cashier. As the blue haired boy placed the last item on the counter he reached into his pocket and grabbed his debit card and handed it to the cashier, not bothering to look at his face.
"…-ere you go." said a kind voice. Bangers head snapped up as he was handed his debit back. Reaching out his hand Banger took the card and noticed that there was a little folded piece of paper there to. He looked at the cashier he noticed for the first time how good looking he was. He had short spiky hair with neon green high lights, and was wearing a black tee-shirt with a jolly roger on it. But the thing that stood out was the boy's eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of green that Banger had ever seen. "T-thank you!" banger stuttered out his reply and quickly grabbed his bags and ran out of the store, not even waiting for Stacey.
He slowed to a stop as he reached the bus stop. Breathing heavily and clutching his sides he looked up at the sky. He smiled darkly as he saw the dark ominous storm clouds heading their way. "Hope its going to storm." Stacey said as she finally caught up to Banger. "So…why'd you run away?" she asked putting her arm around his shoulders as they made their way back to the house, opting to walk instead if the bus. Banger blushed as he thought about how stupid he had been to run away like he did. "Well?" the girl asked as they reached the house and walked up the steps. Banger sighed and reached into his back pocket pulling out the small folded piece of paper. Banger stared at it for a minute before handing it over to his friend. As Stacey looked the paper over a smile broke out on her face. "Lucky Bastard, You got his number! Awe and he was so cute too!" she said with a whine, as she took off her shoes and jumped on the unsuspecting boy. "Argh!" he screamed as he fell to the floor with Stacey on top of him. "Stacey! Get off of me!" Banger yelled as Stacey wiggled around on top of him squishing him. "Fine, Fine" She said rolling off of him and standing up. "You're no fun Banger…" she said crossing her arms and pouting. "It aint my fault! You were squashing my bits!" he yelled in his defense trying to cheer the normally bouncy girl up.
Sighing she uncrossed her arms and walked over to the big blue couch and sat down on it. Looking up at Banger she patted the spot next to her, Banger nodded and slowly took off his shoes, and then he made his way over to the couch and sat down beside the girl. "What's wrong? You haven't been yourself lately." She said looking at her friend. "Nothings wrong, Stacey. I'm fine. Nothing to worry about." he said assuring the girl. Getting up he pulled up his pants and lays down on the couch with his head on Stacey lap.
Smiling she started to run her fingers through his unruly blue hair. "I love this color on you….Why are you going to change it?" Stacey asked as she fingered his hair. "Because…" He stated. "Because, because why?" she prodded. "Because, this color bores me." He said trying to change the subject. "It reminds you of him….doesn't it?" she asked a sad look over coming her beautiful face. Sitting up abruptly Banger looked at Stacey with anger in his eyes. "I though that we agreed never to talk about that!" he yelled as his shoulders began to shake. "Ignoring it won't make it go away, Shunsuke!" she yelled back. "I know!" he screamed, turning his back. "I'm going to bed. Don't bother me!" he said and ran down the stairs. "What did I do?" Stacey asked herself as she fell back against the couch.
"I just don't get it….Banger….why wont you talk about it. He's not just going to disappear from your life…from your memories." She said sadly as a tear slid down her face. "It's not fair….you don't deserve to hurt like this….why cant you get help? Why won't you talk to me? I was there…I know what happened…" she mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.
Downstairs in the basement the door to Banger's room slammed open as the boy stomped into his room and angrily slammed the door shut and locked it. Once he made sure that the door was secured he looked around his room. Black walls, canopy bed, black curtains with red trimming, and the things every teenager has. Walking over to his desk and opening the top drawer on the left hand side, Banger reached in and grabbed the neon green CD case; he closed the drawer and flipped through his CD's. Once he decided on one he took it out and placed it in his CD player, and turned the volume up full blast.
Now with the angry, and pissed off sound of his favorite band playing in the background he sat down on the edge of his bed. Staring at the wall he started to think. 'Why did she have to bring him up? She knows how I get when he's mentioned!' Sighing he leaned back and his hand reached out and found its way under his pillow, feeling around for the cold familiar feeling of his blade. Once found he wrapped his trembling hand around the object and pulled his hand out from under the pillow. Bringing the blade up to his face he inspected it. The handle was a dull silver color like cheap dolor store paint, but the design, now that's were the beauty was. Carved into the handle was a picture of an enraged falcon, with its beak open in a breath taking scream of anger, and its wings spread wide ready to fight. Banger smiled as his fingers gently ran over the beautiful carving of his favorite animal.
"He gave me this blade. He was the first to inflict pain on me with this…So he's going to be the one to end it." He said as tears welled up in his eyes threatening to over flow at any moment. Sighing again he placed the blade against the inside of his wrist, pausing momentarily to stare at the old scar's cluttering his arm. Blinking he pressed the knife against his wrist and slowly dragged it across his skin not bothering to wipe away the dried up blood left on the knife from the last time he had used it. With a smile on his face he pulled the blade away from his arm leaving a trail of blood on his pants. Slowly the smile on his face turned into a grimace as he watched the blood bubble up inside the gash and flow over and down his arm leaving a trail of his life behind.
Hearing a faint knocking on his door he stood up and walked over to his stereo and turned the volume up even higher blocking out the noise and sending the message that he wanted to be left the fuck alone. Walking back over to his bed and sitting, he repeated the process. Over and over again until his arms and clothes were covered in his scarlet tears. Sliding of the bed and onto the floor he held up his arms in front of his face and stared. He sat there for hours just staring at his arms until they stopped bleeding. How he wished he could be the blood flowing from the gashes…flowing free and escaping from the hell that is his life.
"Why do I keep doing this? I hate this feeling of regret that I get after my mind comes back to me…and it's a pain to hide the cuts in the middle of summer too! Shit!" he cursed as he dropped his arms. "This isn't fair...I'd better clean these up." He thought out loud as he got up from his spot on the floor. Going over to his desk again and reaching into the same drawer as before he pulled out some bandage rolls and rubbing alcohol. "It wouldn't do me any good if these got infected." He whispered to himself as he walked over to his door and unlocked it. Yanking the door open Banger made his way down the hall and to the bathroom.
As Banger walked down the hall he noticed Stacey standing by the bathroom door. Banger stopped walking and Stacey looked from Bangers eyes to his arms then to his face again. "Banger, why didn't you tell me you were hurting enough to do this to yourself again?" Stacey asked trying to show the blue haired boy how concerned she was for him. Banger continued walking towards the bathroom, and ignoring Stacey he walked inside and set to work on cleaning the deep cuts on his arms. Sighing Stacey walked up to Banger and grabbed the bandages from his shaking hands and started to wrap up his arms. "Banger, you may not think so but you can talk to me about this." She said quietly looking Banger in the eyes. Tears welled up in Banger's eyes again and he quickly wrapped his arms around Stacey's shoulders and buried his face in her neck. Stacey smiled and wrapped her arms around the sobbing boy. Running her fingers through his hair she whispered to him that everything was going to be okay.
"I'm sorry Stacey. I...I now I should've talked to you about this but I didn't know what you would say! I don't want you to hate me!" he said through his sobbing. While fighting down her tears Stacey just continued to comfort the lost boy, crying in her arms. "Don't worry Banger baby. I would never hate you…ever. No matter what you do you will always be my baby and I will always love you." Stacey said letting her tears finally fall free. Slowly banger moved away from Stacey and looked her in the eyes. "Thank you Stacey...You don't have to put up with me and yet you let me stay here..." he trailed off as more tears threatened to fall from his swollen red eyes."It's okay Banger. I may not have gone through what you have...I may not have been there when it happened...But i can feel some of your pain and I know enough to understand that your hurting and right now you feel this is the only way to help." she said softly as she ran her fingers over his bandaged arm. "However...I do think that you need to get some help...because one of these times your going to take it too far, banger." she said raising her voice slightly. Narrowing his eyes banger pulled his arm away from her and snarled. "I told you! I don't need any fucking help! I'm fine the way I am!" the boy yelled and pushed past the stunned girl and ran back to his room slamming the door and instantly locking it.
Pressing his back against the door banger slowly slid down till he was curled up in a small ball on the floor. 'Stop it you big baby. Did you really think that she, a stupid little girl, would understand the pain your feeling? Honestly! What were you thinking?' and angry voice said in the back of his mind. "I...I...I don't know..." he said out loud."How stupid can I be...no one will ever understand how I feel...I...I'm alone...I always will be." he mumbled to himself as he slowly got up and walked over to his bed and dropped onto it, not bothering to move the bloody knife as he fell beside it. Blinking back the tears he hugged his arms to his stomach and stared at the knife. "Why did you give it to me...Did you hate me that much? If you did than why did you say you loved me? I don't understand!" he cried as he grabbed the knife and threw it across the room.
Hearing a soft knocking on the door he stood up and walked over to the door. "What now?" he asked leaning against the door. "I was just...Jus wondering if you wanted to watch a movie with me..." Stacey said as she played with a strand of hair on feeling weird talking to the door. Slowly the door opened a crack and banger stuck his head out. Looking up Stacey tried not to laugh. Bangers head looked like it was floating there with the way the door was. Giggling to herself as banger's eye twitched she pushed open the door a little bit. "Well? Do you want to?" she asked again. "I don't know...I don't feel that well right now..." he mumbled to himself. 'Yeah that's right. Lie to her. Lie and Lie like you always do. After all that's all your good for isn't it?' the voice said again. Ignoring the voice and opening the door even more banger stepped aside to let the sullen girl into his room.
Smiling Stacey walked over to Banger's bed and plopped herself onto it. Looking around she noticed the knife laying forgotten on a pile of dirty clothes. "What movie?" banger asked as he sat beside Stacey. "Hmm? Oh! The Grudge 2." she said and laughed and Bangers interested look. "Want to watch?" she said while looking at the boy who was now laying beside her with his arms stretched out above his head causing his shirt to ride up revealing his belly ring. Sighing banger looked at His blonde friend and nodded. "Might As well...Got nothing better to do..." he trailed off as Stacey got up and put the DVD in the player and turned the TV on."Oh come on! Its not that bad" she laughed as she pressed the play button. Sitting back down on the bed Stacey Smiled as Banger cuddled up beside her with his head on a pillow. 'He's going to fall asleep before the opening credits are even over.' she thought to herself. And sure enough, as soon as the opening credits were over and she looked at banger a small smile slowly crept onto her face. 'It's understandable though...he had a rough day.' she though as she laid down beside him and cuddled him closer her eyes as well. And with the mournful screams of the dead echoing in the background, the two fell into a deep well needed slumber.
Our lives are a never ending tornado. Forever unsuspecting and when it hits...it leave us nothing but pain...sadness...and extreme loss. However what if there was a way to control this tornado? Would you do it? Would you cast aside your emotions...cast everything you feel aside and become heartless? A nobody? I don't know about you but...I know I would...no questions asked and no strings attached. I would runaway...just to find a place where I truly belong...but...that place is not of this world. This place that I would belong...I think the only way to reach it is through death...becoming a nobody...feeling so much pain and hurt in your life...eventually you will lose everything that you've ever known and when that happens...what have you got left? You've got nothing...everything has been taken away from you and you don't know what to do anymore...so come join us...cast aside your emotions, your pain...your heart. After all...you don't need it anymore...let the darkness over take you.
A small fragment of light sneaks in past the dark dreary curtains that hang in the window, slowly making its way across the floor as it falls on the unsuspecting sleeping face a teenaged boy. The boy moves his arm to covers his eyes in an attempt to stay asleep. After all when your asleep you don't have to deal with the shit of reality. "Ah...why does it have to be morning already..." The boy mumbled to himself sluggishly as he dragged himself up off of the lone mattress on the floor. Raising his arms above his head and stretching he made his way into the hall and up the stairs.
"Hey, Stacey? You up yet?" The boy yelled as he entered the living room, and looked around for his room mate.
"Yeah I'm in the kitchen!" Stacey's yelled back happily.
"Ugh" Banger said as he walked into the brightly lit kitchen. Looking over at his friend as she danced around the kitchen, no doubt making breakfast, he sat down on the chair and slumped forward onto the table top and closed his eyes. 'What time is it?' Banger thought to himself as he lifted his head and peered at the clock through blurry eyes. "Its 7:00, Banger baby." Stacey said as she looked at her sleepy friend at the table and laughed. Bangers head snapped up and his eyes widened "What day is it today?" He panicked. "It's Monday morning silly." The girl giggled again. "Shit!" Banger got up from the table and ran downstairs; going straight to his room he slammed the door once he was safe inside.
Slowly pacing his room banger looked down at his arms. 'Damn it...how am I gonna hide this?! Its to hot outside to wear a hoodie...but I guess I gotta do it anyway...oh but what about P.E.?...' Banger ranted to himself for awhile not noticing that Stacey had opened the door and had sat on his mattress. "Hey banger..." Stacey whispered startling the pacing boy. "Yeah?" He looked at the blonde girl as he waited for her to continue. Stacey sighed and stood up then walked over to banger and placed her arms around his shoulders in a loose hug and whispered "I'll write you a note for P.E. ...ok? But you have to talk to me next time...promise?" Stacey smiled as she felt banger wrap his arms around her hips. "Yeah...I can't promise but I can try..." He sighed as Stacey let go of him and looked him in the eyes. "Alright...now! Let's get you bandaged up!" She said grabbing the boys arm carefully and pulled him into the bathroom and proceeded to bandage the wounds from the night before.
"Hey Stacey...?" Banger asked as they made their way to the bus stop. Stacey stopped and looked at bangers face and her eyes widened as she saw the fear on her friends face. "What's wrong baby?" She asked worriedly. "Can I...Cant I just stay home today? Please...?" Banger said as he hugged his arms to his body. Stacey sighed as she looked at the ground. 'I'd hate to do this to him but...he needs to go more often or he'll fail so...' Looking back up at banger Stacey smiled sadly. "I'm sorry banger...but you need to go to school." Banger cringed as he heard those words. Sighing he looked up at the sky then down the street as he heard the familiar screech of the bus breaks. "Yeah...I guess your right" Banger said as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his bus pass.
Once on the bus banger showed his pass to the driver and headed straight for the back of the buss, and just like every other day Stacey stayed up at the front of the bus and sat with her friends. Sighing banger pulled out his mp3 player and put the little red ear pieces into his ears and pressed the power button. Smiling slightly as the familiar lyrics to his favorite song, die romantic by Aiden, rang out through his head banger propped his slipknot messenger bag up against the window and laid his head on it, his eyes drifting towards the open bus window and looking out and all the people and cars passed them by. 'What am I going to do...what if people see it?' Banger thought quietly to himself. Sighing again banger moved his eyes to the front of the bus and grimaced as he saw Stacey and her friends laughing and giggling like he wasn't even there...like nothing was wrong with the world...like everything was perfect. Turning the volume up on his player he turned his back towards the window and closed his eyes, trying to shut everything out.
'What's wrong with you?' A quiet voiced asked from behind Bangers head. 'You think you have it hard now? Just wait!' The voice said again as banger snapped his head to the side trying to find the source of the voice. Upon not finding the source banger realized that it was his stop to get off of the bus. Putting his mp3 player back in his pocket Banger got up, grabbed his bag and made his way to the front of the bus. 'It's easier to get off the bus through the front door.' Banger said to himself as he pushed himself passed the lady with all the shopping bags. Sighing in relief that he had made it safely off the bus Banger started his short trek to the school just a few feet away, but to Banger it seemed like a mile.
Finally arriving at the front steps to the school Banger stood there staring up at the big red doors that lead to what he liked to call 'Hell.' Sighing Banger tightly wrapped his arms around his stomach, silently willing his nerves to calm down. Slowly Banger took out his head phones and wrapped them tightly around his mp3 player then stuck it in the side pocket of his bag. Sighing again Banger made his way up the first step when he heard someone yell out his name. Banger turned around but he wasn't fast enough and the next thing he knew he was on the ground with his vision being clouded by something soft and blue.
"Ahhh! What the hell?" Banger screamed as the blue thing on top of him stood up and held out its hand to him. Growling banger slapped the hand away, ignoring the disappointed sigh and stood up on his own. Wiping off his pants and looking up ready to chew out the person who dared to tackle him, he opened his mouth ready to attack but stopped when his eyes met that of the others. "Deemo!" Banger screamed eyes wide. "Yo." The other boy said raising his hand in a lazy greeting. Blinking Banger ran over to his friend and wrapped him in a tight hug, laying his cheek against said boy's chest. Smiling Deemo carefully wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and held him tight. "Missed me huh?" he asked trying to hide his amusement at banger's open affection. Bangers eye's widen as he realized what he was doing and jumped away from Deemo and if he was acid burning his skin. "No! Why would i miss you?" he said trying to sound offended but failing miserably.
"I don't believe you." the taller boy said as he walked passed banger, then looked over his shoulder, "The bells going to ring soon. We should get going yeah?" he said and slowly made his way to the cement steps that lead up and into the old high school. Blinking banger followed him not bothering to see were Stacey had wondered off to. "So, Banger don't you have to go to the office first? to get your time table?" Deemo asked as he stopped in front of the office and pointed and the door. "Hmm? Oh...yeah." banger mumbled as he walked over to the door and grasped the handle. Not bothering to say goodbye to Deemo banger opened the big blue-grey door and walked in trying to ignore the soft click of the door closing behind him making him feel trapped. Sighing banger made his way over to the secretary and tapped softly on the desk. Looking up with an instant smile plastered on her face the secretary held her hand out to banger. Confused, banger held out his hand as well and the secretary shook it saying "Hello there! My name Is Mrs. Alexandrov. I am the new secretary here." Nodding banger took his hand back and mumbled his name to her. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" she said smiling even more. "Michael..." he said louder."And your here for a time table, am I right?" she asked dropping her plastic smile. Banger smirked as he imagined her lips falling off and hitting the floor smashing into a million pieces and her falling to the floor beside them trying to gather them up before anyone noticed. Laughing quietly to him self banger took the paper she was holding out and said a quiet thank you. Not waiting for her reply he walked out of the office thankful to be in the open.
Looking at the paper in his hands Banger sighed. "Guess I'm stuck in home room first...that shouldn't be to bad...I mean, what could happen there?" he said to himself as he walked to his home room. He already knew where it was because it was the same room he had when he was in 10th grade. Looking around the crowded hall he wondered if he should find his locker now or later. Taking one more look around he decided that he would look for it at lunch when there would be less people. Pulling out his music and putting on his head phones he made his way to his home room. Upon getting there he was glad to find that no one was there yet. Looking around for a place to sit he chose the desk in the back by the window.
Singing softly to himself as he sat down and reached into his bag pulling out a notebook and a pen. Turning the volume up on his disc man the pen danced across the page, carefully writing down the words to Bangers heart. Finished the pen stopped its dance and banger read over the words. Scrunching up his face he read the poem quietly to himself. "People gather in an empty room; blood and dust swept up with a broken broom; sit and cry on the lonely bed; your favorite little boy is lost and dead; tears fall and hit the hallow ground; as your heart screams out not making a sound..." banger trailed off to wipe away the tears that were threatening to fall. Blinking banger continued to read his poem. "What happened to us; a voice shatters the silence; hands grasp tightly around the teddy bear; hold it to your chest and scream its not fair; you die inside as you fall to the floor; why did this happen, you had so much to live for..." with more tears threatening to fall banger crumpled the paper and threw it across the room. Laying his head down on his desk he was surprised when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder.
Banger turned his head to the side and glared at the offending appendage. Not bothering to see who it was banger opened his mouth and snapped "What the hell do you want?" he said with a growl. "Hey, calm down. I was only gonna ask if you were okay." The voice sounded surprisingly feminine to banger. Slowly Bangers eyes moved up the arm to the persons face and were surprised to see how beautiful this person was. With soft green eyes and shaggy brown hair, he wore blue baggy jeans that were torn at the knees and an over sized red hoodie. Smiling the boy held out his hand and was pleasantly surprised when Banger clasped his hand and shook it. "Hi, my name is Luci." The boy said cheerfully. Looking at Luci banger blinked and sighed. "Banger." He said quietly. "Ha-ha that's an odd name" Luci said while laughing. "Same goes for you." Banger said while growling slightly.
Suddenly a loud ring filled the tiny room and the class was filled with laughter and students. Most of them hurried to get to 'the good' seats pushing Luci aside in the process. Luci blinked in surprise as he fell backwards right onto Banger's lap. Banger blinked, his face going red, as he saw Luci now sitting on his lap. Clearing his throat Banger tapped Luci on the shoulder making the boy jump and turn around cause there lips to meet and their eyes to go wide.
Luci pulled away slowly, his eyes locked on the other boy. "Get off of him you Fag! We don't need your kind multiplying." A boy by the name of Karl yelled, causing the class to go into another fit of laughter. With wide eyes Luci quickly stood up and grabbed a seat next to Banger. Sighing Banger turned to face the front of the class room and waited for the teacher to show up. 'You moron. Why didn't you move? Are you that fucking stupid?' The voice piped up again. Sighing again banger turned his music back on and tunned out the teacher and the rest of the class.