And all I wanted to do was play video games
It was an ordinary day –or so I thought- and I was babysitting Mr and Mrs Matheson's kids. Which were, by the way, sleeping like little angels, allowing me to play video games all I liked on their various consols. Well, as long as I didn't save on their memory card. But their parents have a spare one for me for every console, so really, it's all good.
Anyway, I was playing Mario.
"No Peach, don't let the turtle shell thing get you! Yes, good Peachy, good-" I was distracted when the door to the house was busted down and I sat there, holding the controller up like a weapon and crawling back to the far side of the couch "I swear I paid for that lollypop at the store the other day!"
They charged at me.
"Oh come on guys, it was only 40 cents! I swear," I said getting rather distressed "I put it in my pocket unconsciously and I felt so bad once I got out, but it would have been really embarrassing if I went in and-is this about the lollypop?"
Charging, charging, my eyes are enlarging.
"Are you here for the kids?" I said in a voice nearly a whisper, worried "They aren't here ok?"
So I was lying, but no way in hell was I letting those precious babes get stolen. Nu-uh, not while Lois Templeton is on the job. Besides, even if I don't like the kids I'm sure I would get a major pay cut if they were taken while in my care. And that, is just not cool.
"Miss Templeton are you aware that at 10:35 am this same day you were conversing with a criminal?" the guy inquired, I battered my eyelashes at him confusedly.
"Sir," I said flatly "At 10:35 this morning I was collecting my dry cleaning."
"Your drycleaner," he said "Miss Judy Sanchez happened to steal Darlene Waterfountain's favourite dress, which happened to be encrusted with quite a load of diamonds."
"Oh." I said, trying to process the information "Waterfountain?"
Seriously, who had Waterfountain as a last name? Who would want Waterfountain as a last name? If the girl had enough money to buy a tacky diamond dress, couldn't she afford to change her name? Because seriously, who wants that name or a diamond dress? The dress would blind people and the name was just...strange.
"Yes, Waterfountain," he said, turning his nose up at me "We need to take you away from here, witness protection and all that. Judy Sanchez is a dangerous woman with connections; we don't want you getting hurt now do we?"
"Mrs Sanchez has a cat named Mr Fluffalot," I said in disbelief as one young –and very cute- guy dressed in a suit grabbed my arm with a grip of steel and started leading me out the door "She likes to watch Australian story and cried during Pokemon the first movie when Ash got turned to stone. She has bunny slippers."
They ignored all this and the guy continued dragging me out of the house to his very nice red sports car.
"Wait," I said, stopping in my tracks and the guy shot an annoyed glance at me "Um, what about the kids? I am babysitting them, what if Anne starts crying, or Jamie starts smashing the windows or-Michael, Michael might pee himself again like that last time when I cooked-"
I shut my mouth, I mean; the guy really didn't need to know about that. He was just doing his job, I pity him getting stuck with me, really I do.
"Things will be arranged Miss Templeton," he drawled, shoving me into the car seat and buckling up the seat belt to which I responded with a 'hey!' of indignation, I could buckle my own seatbelt "Your Anne will not cry, windows will be kept in their frames unharmed and oh-Michael will not piss himself. I assure you."
Frowning at him, I put my hands on my hips, I mean; he said it all in a mocking tone. Rather rude, if you ask me.
"Don't get mad at me," he said, clucking his tongue after shutting the door in my face and placing himself in the driver's seat "I was only trying to reassure you."
"I'm sure." I said sardonically, rolling my eyes at him and crossing one leg over the other as he turned the keys.
"See, it's working already isn't it?"
"What did you know about Miss Sanchez?" some guy with shades inquired.
"Are you aware you look like one of those spy guys off movies?" I quizzed him back, he groaned and sent me an annoyed look.
"Well," I tapped my chin thoughtfully "She was good at dry cleaning? She didn't leave any stains on clothes..."
This guy in white next to him wrote something down in his notebook. Huh.
"Anything else Miss Templeton?" he said flatly.
"She was really nice, and she liked watching rainbows after loads of rain." I said with a nod "I like rainbows, you know with all the colours-is this interview going to be over soon because I am really tired and Mr Red Sports Car over there has awful taste in music."
A snort came from behind me and the guy in front of me quirked his lips upwards, shooting the red sports car guy an amused look "Yes, go on now, Mr Reds Sports Car will show you to your room-it is, of course, his house. I will drop in to see you sometime or another, but from this point, he will look after you. He is your personal bodyguard."
I sent him a look, Mr Reds Sports Car with the Bad Taste In Music, was looking after me? Well, that's just swell.
"I'm sure you'll live Miss Templeton," he laughed, collecting up his papers "Charlie won't bite-much."
Another snort came from behind me.
"That's what you say," I said pointing at him and narrowing my eyes "But you don't have to stay here now do you Mr Spy Guy?"
Ignoring me he went on shoving his papers in this big ass brief case and after a small wave, walked out the door with all his posse following him. Well, except for Mr Red Sports Car dude.
I spun around "Hey Blondie, can you show me my room or whatever. I'm tired."
"No," he walked out the door, closing it behind him.
"Hey!" I ran up to the door, opening it and scurrying after him "Get back here!"
When I caught up to him I glared and punched his shoulder to which he snorted at, grabbing my wrist and dragging me to my room. It was very pink, and luxurious.
"Nice," I said "Your room?"
He let go of me "No. Yours, idiot. Now go get some sleep."
"I was being sarcastic!" I said, shaking a fist as he walked out from the room, closing the door behind him.
I went over to the wardrobe and peaked in side, hoping to find some pyjamas. Well, there was some in there but they were all very...girly.
Meaning very, very lacy and ehm, frilly?
The other clothes were very much so not like my own wardrobe also.
I'll give you a clue to what my wardrobe looks like: Baggy clothes, band shirts, slogan shirts, cargo pants-that sort of stuff. This wardrobe was Barbie to my geek. Complete, and total, opposite.
I decided –wisely- to sleep in my clothes.
"Peanut butter, or nutella?" I said holding each in a hand, tapping my chin in thought.
"What the hell are you doing?" Charlie wanted to know, his gun pointed at me.
"Jesus Christ!" I said holding up my arms, sandwich spreads dropping to the floor "I was hungry ok?"
"At 3 am in the morning?" he said, lowering his gun "Weren't you trying to do something else?" Like escape maybe?"
"Well genius, you confiscated my mobile, thinking it could have some sort of bomb on it. I don't have any money on me and also, I don't know where the hell I am-how the heck am I going to escape?" I said sardonically, picking up the nutella and peanut butter and resting them on the bench.
"Well," he said scratching his head "Good point. Do you normally eat at such abnormal times of the day?"
"Well," I shrugged "Sometimes."
I narrowed my eyes at the spreads and decided on nutella "Where is the bread, might I ask?"
He went to a cupboard and pulled it out, handing it to me-which was when I noticed he was wearing pyjamas with baby elephants all over them and started to laugh. And laugh.
He glared at me.
"My grandmother gave them to me ok?" he said, crossing his hands over his chest and almost pouting.
You try looking at a grown boy who was, coincidentally, a bodyguard and try not to laugh when you find out he wears baby elephant pj's.
I giggled, going to the fridge and taking out the margarine and holding it up pointedly "Want a nutella sandwich?"
"Uh," he said, looking adorably sleepy "No, no thankyou."
"Your loss," I said and took out a knife from the drawer, which he looked at warily as if I would just jump at him and try for assassination "By the way, I am not wearing any of those frilly things in that wardrobe. You should know that."
He blinked, and then looked amused "Why not? Won't you wear them for me?"
It was my turn to snort, and I did so, rolling my eyes at him and spreading margarine over my bread "You, are supposed to be my body guard, act more responsible."
"Yes ma'am," he drawled and then went and stole my other –already nutella spreaded- sandwich half, shoving it in his mouth "Thanks for that."
I threw the margarine covered bread at him indignantly and started making another sandwich.
It landed with a satisfactory smack on his face.
"What about this?" He pulled at some kind of clingy off the shoulder t shirt and I sent him an incredulous look.
"Are you on crack?" I wanted to know "Like hell I am wearing that."
He shrugged, looking mildly confused "Most of the girls I know wear this sort of stuff."
"I wear this sort of stuff," I said, grabbing the first slogan shirt that caught my eye.
"Really?" he clucked his tongue and I blinked back "So you're that kind of girl huh?"
What did he mean by that? I looked down at the t shirt and went red as a beetroot.
For any position you desire.
Seemingly innocent, isn't it? But ahem, not if you really think about it. And I don't even what to say what the stick figure was demonstrating on that picture.
"I didn't read it," I protested shoving it back on the rack as he smirked at me, he didn't comment further though. The look he sent me was enough.
I walked quickly ahead, trying to avoid any rude comments from him but he just followed along quietly, sometimes commenting on the clothes or some ridiculous toy on the shelf 'I don't know why guy's action figures don't have chests like this' was directed at one of the Barbies.
Honestly, boys, every single one of them is a pig, I swear. But that doesn't mean they can't be paid back, so as I grew tired of looking at clothes and while he was distracted –picking apart a Bratz doll to some poor sales person- I ducked under one of the clothes aisles and sat on the pole in the middle. This, was a game I used to play when I was a little girl, it was a game my Mum pretended she didn't like.
Sure, you could see she was trying to look mad for appearances sake and for the sake of disciplining me but you get just see the ends of her mouth crinkling upwards as she lectured me. She had real trouble keeping her amusement in check as she bounded around, peaking under aisles and accidentally scaring people who happened to be on the other side of them.
She nearly started crying she was trying not to laugh one time when I scared this foreign person, jumping out from an aisle and screaming 'pickles!' randomly. The foreign person, not being the kind that laugh and are all good natured, started yelling at me using what I'm sure was some of his native language's finest swearwords. Yeah, my Mum tried to discipline me that time; she really did but-she ended up buying me a pack of 36 mini candy canes instead.
But what can I say; it is the thought that counts? She thought of disciplining me, and then she thought better of it. My Dad was always telling her off for this, but you could tell he had that same crinkle upwards with his lips when he tried disciplining her. All in all, our disciplinary tactics kind of sucked, it's genetic, and I get it two times worse because they both have it.
You should see me trying to discipline Jamie when he-oh goodness, footsteps!
"Where the hell is she?" he muttered and I saw his foot stepping past and couldn't help but grab it "F-fruitcake!"
He stumbled and then leant down on his knees, lifting up some of the clothes and quirking his eyebrow up at me.
Looks like I just blew my own cover, oh well.
I went to jump up but hit my head on the bar above it and went crashing down, clutching my head. Did I mention I landed on Charlie? Well, now I have.
Well, I thought he was cute looking at him from a fair distance away, do you know how cute he is close up? He's got these big baby blues and his hair is blonde and messy and-Oh my God I am staring at him. Get up Lois get up, now. Wait, now he is talking to me!
"So you're name is Lois isn't it, like Lois Lane?" he drawled, looking perfectly comfortable lying on the ground with a very heavy object weighing him down-namely me. I suppose he was probably used to this sort of thing, I mean, I've never had a boyfriend, never. Not that I was thinking about him like that, I mean, he is annoying and points guns at girls making nutella sandwiches-then steals them. Who does that?
"No," I said, trying to keep my face from doing what I least wanted it to be doing right now, aka blushing "Like Louise, except spelt Lois."
"Oh." He said and, saving me from the embarrassment, in typical bodyguard style standing up and hauling me up with him "Come on, you have spent enough money."
Oh, please I beg you; let me go do some more mind numbingly boring shopping. Try and stop me.
"Oh, I know, he was so cute wasn't he? He was totally checking me out," I said into the phone, pretending to have a conversation and seeing how Charlie would react "Get his number won't you?"
I had found out there was a phone in my room, right next to my bed, so I was sitting there sprawled across my bed while Charlie set up a consol system for the TV for me-and I pretended to have a conversation with an imaginary person.
"Yeah," I gushed "Way cuter."
Abruptly Charlie stood up and turned, looking at me.
Hmmm, now what does he have to say about the current events?
"Would you like me to plug your phone in?" he wanted to know, and I blinked back at him, nearly dropping the phone. I wasn't expecting that.
"What?" I said, confused "What did you say?"
"Your phone, it's unplugged." He informed me "Would you like me to plug it in?"
I looked down at the phone cord and sure enough, it was visibly not connected to any sort of power source. Keeping my blushing in check once more I looked back at him, trying to think of something to prove him otherwise-which was kind of difficult of course, because he was clearly right.
"No," I said "No it's not, it's plugged in."
"It doesn't look like it-" he started, venturing over to where the phone was and me jumping up, blocking it from you.
"Have you done your job?" I demanded and he nodded, gesturing towards the TV "Well, then go. Out."
"You're ordering me out of a room in my own house?" He inquired coolly "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the-"
"Shut up, it's plugged in, ok?" I said, covering.
"Sure," he said and walked out the door, adding before closing it behind him "Have fun talking to your imaginary friends. Oh and imaginary boyfriends. Really Lois, trying to make me jealous."
Damn it, I was so not trying to make him jealous. That is just not right, I mean, hah, I like being single. It's fun, you get to make out with whoever you want. Well ok, I don't do any of the making out myself. But still, the choice would be open if I wanted to do any. Making out, I mean.
And I definitely, did not even consider making out with him. Nope, nada, zip, zilch. Zero percent chance of that happening in this lifetime, and the next.
Lord he looks mighty cute when he's teasing me.
"Um, I'll have," I looked down at the menu and gulped, who's big idea was it to go out to some sort of fancy restaurant? Oh right, it had been mine, my mistake. I mean, what intelligent life form would decide to go to a place where what was on the menu all sounded like some kind of strange meat? Like slugs or lawn gnomes-though they're more cement aren't they? Well, like lawn gnomes if they went all alive and stuff life in a Goosebumps book I read once.
"I'll have..." I started again but once more trailed off, rather panicked, what if the waitress thought I had some kind of mental disorder? And then started advising me on foods that would be 'appropriate' for my kind of people? I don't want any of that mush they force on old people.
"2 Chicken Kiev's please," he said, rolling his eyes at and sending a sweet smile to the waitress whose knees started to buckle "If that isn't too much to ask."
"Oh, no, no," she reassured him waving the menu around and blushing bright red "It isn't too much to ask, thank you. Would you like anything to drink?"
Luckily the drink menu was more distinguishable then the food one and I said "Solo, thanks," I said all importantly and then mimicked Charlie, sending him a look "If it isn't too much to ask."
This time her knees didn't buckle, not that I'd been expecting them too, but whatever. She just nodded at me, can you believe it? She gushes at him, but not so much as a 'of course' or 'it would be my pleasure' for me. Honestly.
"Coke," he said, ignoring the faces I was pulling at him "Thanks."
She made a little happy noise and skipped over to the counter, pointing over to our table and gesturing, touching her heart and making more happy noises.
Snorting I decided to ignore the boy in front of me and started making an aeroplane with my napkin, planning on hitting either him or the waitress in the head with it.
Reaching over the table as I added the finishing touches, he brushed my hand with his and I jumped, moving back in my seat and pulling my hands away from the table. Sending him a look I finished the aeroplane and at his returning of the look, I tossed it at his head.
It missed and ended up in some ladies soup. But, if anyone ever asks, it wasn't me ok? Hopefully I can keep His mouth shut too, because I know I can trust you, can't I?
"Who threw that?" The lady wanted to know "My soup! Who threw that, come now, come up. I will find out who you are and when I do-you are going to wish-"
At that point the lady cut off her lecture, shaking her head and glaring at the aeroplane, tossing it at her husband and missing, ending up in some ladies big mass of hair. She, however, didn't seem to notice the aeroplane sticking out of her hair, or didn't care. Whatever.
The lady quietened down after that, satisfied in the knowledge she had had some pay back-even if the lady with big hair was totally innocent.
Anyway, after that the waitress came over with the drinks.
And as she was saying "Are you guys related?" (I narrowed my eyes, by the way, stupid waitress lady. I am not any relation of that's.) She accidentally spilled the drinks all over me.
"Oh my God!" she cries.
Really, she's screaming and I'm the one who got drenched with two tall glasses of soft drink, where is the sense in that?
"Oh my God!!"
And there she goes again, and yeah, I'm just sitting here looking down at my t shirt and realising it's white. Just great, I am so lucky white stuff doesn't go transparent when water –or soft drink, in this case- is tipped all over it. Not.
"Um," Charlie seems to be staring at my t shirt with interest, and reddened when I covered it, crossing my arms "Are you ok?"
"Well," I said "I'm not going to die, but it's in my preference to not stay here any longer."
"Oh but, they make such lovely Chicken Kiev I-" she stopped when she saw the look on my face.
"Lady, if you think I am going to sit here in a transparent top just so I can-" I was interrupted by Charlie whipping off his shirt. Images of him sweeping the waitress up in his arms and kissing her came to mind and I decided I best just stare at it, it was much more pleasant to image. I assure you that.
He just stood from his chair and came over, pulling it over my head and helping to poke my arms through it. It was a pretty gentlemanly action, actually. Much better then watching him make out with the waitress, when I'd rather-nevermind. I can't believe I nearly thought that.
He grabbed part of my sleeve and started dragging me out of the store after giving the waitress some money, obviously making sure I got out before I assassinated anyone. Honestly, how could I assassinate anyone when somebody was distracting me with his lack of shirt? Gees.
When got to the car he just looked at me and so I looked away and started finding the grass outside the car very interesting. It is very awkward when someone stares at you like that, like really intensely.
But anyway, he seemed to get over it when he realised I was all too interested in the grass and started up his beautiful Ferrari –I'd learned it was a Ferrari F430, whatever that means- speeding off into the sunset. Well, actually, that's not true. The sun had already set, but that sounds much cooler, doesn't it?
He had come in my room at 6:30 am while I was playing video games –quietly, of course- and so I freaked out and hit him over the head with a frying pan, it has been a week and a bit of me staying here and I had spent the time just playing video games really.
I just thought he was some kind of burglar, and well, had the frying pan there since the day I arrived for protection purposes. So I hit him over the head with it and he had collapsed to the ground, letting out some pretty colourful curses, mind you.
"Oh my God," I said cringing at the site of it, he lay on the ground, motionlessly clutching at his head.
"Oh," he groaned using another word after it which was also colourful and rhymed with 'cluck', "My-" more swearing "Head."
"Um," I knelt down and went to brush his hair away to check for bruises but he slapped my hands away "Hey, don't be such a baby!"
"A baby?" he echoed and shot me a look through eyes squinted in pain "Look who acted like a freaking baby when we went to that restaurant and you got the freaking soft drink on your shirt!"
"Hey, is your head going see through? No!" I retorted, hands on hips "But my shirt did!"
There was a knock on the door and then the guy with the shades came in and overlooked the situation "Ahem, am I interrupting something?"
"No sir," I said looking down concernedly at the big bruise coming up on Charlie's forehead "I accidentally hit him over the head with a frying pan."
Charlie muttered something like 'accidentally my ass' and the shades guy just grinned in amusement, bless him.
"Oh well, you're free to take Miss Templeton back to her family when you're ready-" he was interrupted by Charlie who sent him a look, and then Charlie sent me a look.
"I am not taking you back to tomorrow morning, understand?" he said, getting up, a pained expression flickering across his face as he did so.
The shades guy and I exchanged a look and then the shades guy shrugged and sent me a grin "See you Miss Templeton."
He shook my hand and left, then Charlie followed him and resolutely ignored me for the rest of the day and night-it wasn't until the next morning he talked to me. So I just played Mario all night.
I woke up early the next morning because of a big, giant lump in my stomach the size of an elephant. And no, I don't think it was a tumour, though I suspected that at first. It was a lump caused by my emotions, or rather, the fact that I was going to miss Charlie. Yes, you heard right, I didn't believe it myself, in fact I should slap myself I think I'm still sleeping.
I knew I had to be sleeping when I heard the door creak open and someone wandered over to my bed, I cracked an eye slightly open and saw that Charlie was standing there, staring at me in my geeky pokeball covered pj's.
But that wasn't the shocking part, because he was slowly getting closer and closer-and closer. That's when I suspected him of wanting to steal my pillow because it was so much prettier than his-ok, I was like half asleep, ok? Cut me some slack, nobody else does.
But he just leaned down and planted one, right on my very lips. It was a very gentle kiss and he only brushed his lips against mine before abruptly standing back up again and sauntering out of the room.
My first thought was: I was a bad kisser.
But then, really, that couldn't be it, I mean I didn't even kiss him back in the slightest. I would have probably done so given the kiss went for longer then .02 of a second. I also realised I had a big ass crush on the guy, as soon as I could feel his breath on my neck all kinds of pleasant tingles when down my back, seriously. I need a psychiatrist, I swear I do.
Later that day after I had dressed, packed suitcases in the hopes he would let me keep the clothes and had played a good amount of videogames-he came in and told me it was time to go. Oh, and with a giant stack of blueberry pancakes, that was pretty cool.
But the leaving wasn't, he was being kind of nice to me and even let me eat the pancakes in his car and take the clothes and all. He was kind of quiet the whole way though, only letting out a snort when I let a pancake piece go down the wrong way, causing me to launch into a coughing fit.
When we arrived he graciously grabbed my suitcases and when we got inside my parents weren't home-probably at work, so when I turned to say goodbye to him and launch into a list of apologies about things I had done over the stay aka snore, drool on the pillows, boost up his electric bill by playing videogames all the time on his plasma TV...I didn't expect him to just drop the suitcases carelessly to the floor and practically launch himself at me.
I was totally in the middle of a sentence going 'I know I sound like a koala when I sleep, I know it! That must have been hard to live with and I'm just really sorry, I mean it, I can't believe-' and then he just pounced.
It was ok, because we landed on the couch, where I remembered the frying pan and started to ask if he was ok and then he just totally ignored it and clutched at my hands that reached out to his head, dragging me into his lap.
Then he was kissing me, gently at first to see if I would slap him or something –hah, slap him? As if- and then taking the couch to his advantage, flipping me over so he had the advantage and pressing me back up against the couch.
Well, I can't say I didn't try to stop him, I totally went 'what if my parents-' when we stopped to catch our breath but he just went right on kissing me, pretty enthusiastically too and like he really meant it. I never said I was good at telling people off, in fact I said the opposite, so it was kind of hard to tell someone off for something you totally wanted to be doing with them.
He broke off and said quickly –as if I'd slap him, again- "I really, really like you Lois."
What? He really, really likes me? Again, what?
"But I snore and-" I started to protest but he lifted a finger to my lips and hushed me.
"You don't snore that bad, more like a baby elephant then a koala-" he started to say then caught the look on my face "Hey, I like baby elephants, they're cute."
Well, that's nice, I guess.
I twirled one of his blonde curls around a finger and whispered his ear, causing him to shudder "I really, really like you too."
And he smiled into my neck, dragging his lips back to mine and restarting the make out fest.
Then my parents walked in.
"JESUS CHRIST!" my Dad shouted.
"Hello baby," my Mum said affectionately "Hey Charlie is it, would you be able to stop sexually harassing my daughter for a sec so I can give her a hug? I assure you can go right on with it afterwards."
"He can NOT!"
And all I wanted to do that day I met him was play video games.
Damn, I could have spent all that time making out with him.
Today was my first day of year 10 and it was boring, well apart from lunch and recess because of course my lovely friends :p
My cousin is coming over tomorrow, from Queensland, for like, 10 weeks. Damn, thats one nice holiday. Though I guess I really wouldn't want a holiday long, unless the hotel had internet and a spa. I love spas, so bubbly and warm. Last time I went to Queensland we had one and I went in it every morning and any other time of day I could, I also got to ride a limo. Twas nice.
Hope you liked the story.
Mr Tyndle makes easy things sound complicated