Just Friends

I know the way it's supposed to be now,

The way it's was always meant to be,


I finally see what you were trying to say,

It's breaking through,

My slow shell,


You broke my wall,

Crumbled it to tiny little pieces,

Now I'm slowly bringing it up again,

Thicker and thicker each time,

Mending it with sloppy stitches,

Preparing for the next beauty-in-the-breakdown,

While I sing that song that's been stuck inside my head,


It's okay,

Don't feel sad or worry about me,

Baby, it's not your fault,

You were looking out for me,

Trying to cause me the least amount of harm possible,


I've felt this feeling before,

I don't remember if it hurt like this,

Or if it was dulled by the confusion of why it happened,

But all I know is that it has made my heart just a little harder,

Or maybe it's a little more tender?


And I thought that I would never put my wall down again,

But it happened so quickly,

Because I trusted you so much,

Got to know you like I've known you for years,

Or so I think that I know you,


We have so much in common,

Taking our troubles and frustrations out on our bodies,

…and eventually, maybe even simultaneously, in our literature,

Saying the things we want to get off our chests,

Not even caring if anyone likes it,

But we always think that our work is 'amazing',

Or something along those lines,


There are some little things that make us click,

Make us such great friends,

But nothing more,

Oh, I understand that,

I understand that…


Going back to 'normal',

Well, as normal as I can get,

Realizing what you said was absolutely true,

That we can never be what we want to be,

Regardless of what we want,


You just want friendship,

When what I secretly wanted is a little more,

For you to call me that name,

And maybe some others too,

Be there for me,

And me for you,


You denied me of that,

And I was broken when you shared that news with me,

But now I'm better,

It took me quite a while to get it through my naïve and slow head,

As it always does with life and common sense problems,


I still want to call you some names,

And I try my best not to do it,

I just say them in my literature works now,

Because I don't have the heart anymore,


Oh, baby, don't tell me you're sorry,

Because you don't really mean it,

You just want to make me feel better,


I would say and ask that you could be here for me,

Something, that before all of this, would have come so naturally,

But, I know that'll be too much to ask for from someone,

Especially such a wonderful person as you,

A person that has a wondrous potential and a life that doesn't revolve around me,


I can take it,

I've taken many blows in my life before,

I know I now have a case metal armor surrounding me,

I have no clue if it's strong enough for what's coming now,

(It might dent it,

Or completely destroy it,)

And…I…I don't know if this one's the hardest,

But it's certainly making a tattoo on me,


I'll never forget you,

You've changed the way I live and love,


I know that…

We're just friends now,

Like we were always supposed to be,

Before I revealed myself and was a complete idiot,

Like I consistently am,


I wish that I never would have done that,

Such as I wished so many times to go back in time,

But, alas, you can not do that,


"You live and you learn…and you learn from mistakes that you make..",

Is now my new and improved motto,

That I say to make myself feel better,


Maybe you could have been the one,

Maybe you weren't,

But now I'll never know,

Because we never tried it,


I'm sorry if I am making you feel horrible or bad,

I am truly not meaning to,

I am just laying it on the line,

Getting it off my chest,


My feelings,

Or rather, my thoughts,


It's been on there for quite some time,

I've just been looking for the right words,

But it seems that there are none,


To describe this feeling,

Because it's hard to describe it to myself,


I'm not sure if you'll get it or not,

I'm sorry that I'm writing to you and about you a lot,

It may seem obsessive,


But, I just can't stop thinking of poems and songs,

And they're mostly about you,

Maybe because you're always in my thoughts and prayers?


That could be it,

But, I don't know,

I don't know anything anymore,


My everything has been jumbled ever since I've bumped into you,

Maybe I should give this up,

Maybe I should continue this,


But, what could happen?


Who knows?

Maybe you can tell me the answer,

Maybe you could be my comfort,

I could get even more hurt,

You could help me (through this),

Maybe even help me mend it,

If that's even possible,

(Maybe it is…..?)

With your help,

(I am not asking for it..)


Maybe I could become normal,

To seem for the next guy,


I just know that I'm not your girl,

I don't deserve you,

You deserve much better than me,


Don't deny it,

You need someone that will hold your hand and kiss you,

Be there in your radiance,

To experience and revel in it,

Give you sweet, loving hugs,

Grant your secret wishes and desires,

(Go ahead and) whisper into herear,


Give everything you have to her,

Someone that shines brightly from above,

A girl--woman--that makes you happy,

Happier than I could ever make you,

I'd pass everything on to you,

Just so you could have a better life,

But you wouldn't want that,


You'd, of course, say something sweet,

Something nice,

Something saying that my life is worth living for,

I'd expect that out of you,

Because you are just mesmerizingly breathtaking,

Always having the right words to say,


We just can't be anything more than friends,


And I understand that,

Your reasons,

Your words,

I just didn't believe them,


But, I have to suck them in,

Take them in like medicine,

Or this poison air,

That I'm now breathing,

Cold and toxic,

Maybe it's the good kind,

Maybe it's the bad kind,

Maybe I'll just do it and find out,

Maybe it'll make me feel better,


You never know…


But, I know,


I know,

I definitely have figured out what you were trying to do,

I just never should have fallen for you.