rose-red wounds deeper than your webs of lies
and webs these are, spun quicksilver and crimson around
these small wrists, shackling my pain to my abused sanity
my hands were made for more than gripping the silver blade with a shaking grip
shaking from the sobs ripping from my chest
yes, they were meant for more than my slow-simmer gory demise
they were crafted to fit perfectly around your
smooth column of throat, constricting airflow clench tighter
tighter until you can feel the larynx pop beneath your hands
cruel smiles tilting up pale pale lips
cruelly smiles as you struggle to breathe, pupils dilated
the brilliant shine of your heavenward gaze faded to dullness
dullness accompanied with the haze of death
i hated you i always loved you
why couldn't you just notice?

detach death's claws from around your precious neck
turn away and walk down the road, darker
my guilty conscience shut up for once and let me murder my innocence with each
passing breath that spiraled up in humid steam, ghostly mist against the deep indigo of
the night sky that watched me as i restituted my see-through sanity
transparent sanity about as lingering as the quickly fading fog of my breath on this cold night
the bleeding slices on my birdbone forearms told of my emptiness.
there was nothing left to fill the gap in my ribcage where a broken promise was once held.

grin with sentiment that couldn't possibly be sane, grin up at the cobalt heaven
scream your emptiness to the halfmoon that haunts your dreamthoughts
'hello, hello.'
whirl around and see only no ghosts
pull out the shining gunmetal from dark pockets
oh the more to help you commit your own murder, love.
yes, i've lost my mind.

but i'm not sure
such bad habits
they'll have to be broken sooner or later.
do you see through my lies?

a silence so heavy
as another desperate smile
lies to all passersby
watching as i turn and walk away,
walk away from the crowds, questioning
questioning 'what is she d..'
don't stare, child.

finally finally can i reach the place deep inside me
where the pain was locked up deep inside my ribcage
and all the lies i couldn't find
they always seemed to slip my mind…

the cold glint of gunmetal pressed lightly
lightly like a sweet lover's kiss
to the vulnerable place, just beside my eyes
amber-green delirious in agony
whimper and grin
index finger playing with the trigger
it hurt so much. this pain hurt so much.
then my mind went dark.

my index finger hooked and pulled
whispering i love you to the atmosphere
to nobody
i pumped the pain full of lead,
chasing the monsters from my dreams away
with the sweet echo-sound of gunshot shattering the night-silence.

quicksilver set in, life-fled body claimed by gravity
the earth caught me and pulled me in.

last goodbyes were never sweeter and empty eyes stared to the sky full of lies.