Memoirs//of a Geisha

(geisha: essentially a well-trained whore.)

a/n: Things. Aren't. The way they were before. You wouldn't even recognize me anymore. Not that you knew me back then… but it all comes back to me (in.the.end).

I remember a time when things were so much simpler,
when we were just innocent little kids brought together by one mutual friend we all loved.
But then Sarah moved & while you still had Keygan and Beth, I had no one & I was just the outcast.

And somehow, I became part of that group & I had friends again!
(but no one knew I still didn't have anyone to be close to.)
Although Beth left, too, there was still us three, right?

Seventh grade
was seventh grade;
the beginning of middle school & real (im)maturity, with its up&down relationships, the boyfriends, new friends.
Cassie was suddenly my best friend (& with shaking.sweaty palms I try to write that)
you became Pockets
& Devon went with Cassie while I went with Richard (but of course that ended)
& it was all over too fast

And it became eighth grade
(& my hand is shaking so bad I can barely write legibly)
and my best friends were my best friends, but Richard was no more & I hated him for everything.
But my friends were always there for me.
& we had our secret notes for each other, just for you and me.
You went with Levi & I was falling for Richard again but thank god that both are finally done.
It was your 14th birthday and we went to the mall; just us&Keygan, besties 4ever.
(& the lead in my pencil is about to break & my handwriting suuxxx, my ampersands look like two circles)
but that was the end of middle school.

The summer was a coming of age & a huge transition into the real world
I finally found HIM;; Devon, my angel, my true love.
I went to Madison & confessed my first night with him & after that everything changed.
We went to the Dells together; for 3 days we laid in the sun and talked about life.
I finally told Casi everything (but to me, she'll always be Minetor)
(& I'm trying to will my pencil to just write BUT IT'S NOT WORKING)

And then it became high school.
A few notes, a few hugs.
& I finally told you everything I couldn't before, & my entire world fell apart. One last hug, as TRULY best friends, and now it's gone.
I called you because I was scared of what was happening with my family but it meant nothing.
We went to the art museum together but it meant nothing.
You haven't written me a note for weeks & you wouldn't tell me a FUCKING DREAM YOU HAD BECAUSE I'D FUCKING LAUGH!
You chose Janelle over me a few days ago when you sat next to her & not me but I doubt you even realized it.

Guess what?
I'm not fucking laughing, I'M FUCKING CRYING, because I fucked up & I won't ever get my fucking bestfriend back.

a/n: I'll take everything from the inside, & just throw it all away, cuz I swear for the last time, I won't trust myself with…

- RANT.