Chances

There's no way I could count you as
a second chance.
I will never, ever get
a second chance, and even if I did, it couldn't be
through you. I'm not on a mission.
I'm not trying anymore
to be the savior I wanted to be then.
I understand too clearly now.

There's no way I could count you as
a second chance.
You don't let me in.
I could never get through. And it's too much,
sometimes,
I am not enough.
You'll have to leave me first, though
you'll never really leave me if you try.
You're with me. Everyone stays
with me. I don't let go so easily.
You pull away
and push me off
and bite and fight and scream, but
I don't let go so easily.
I'm sorry if you don't trust me, and
I'm sorry if I don't know how to help you anymore.
I feel you falling, and you know
I will always try to break that fall.

But there's no way I could count you as
a second chance.
You'll never let me. You don't
want it like she wanted it. You don't
fight like she fought. You don't really
seem to care.
I lose everything I love,
everything that means a thing to me, and
I can feel myself losing you. I can feel you
letting go of me.
Yes,
it scares me to death,
but I don't know what else to do.
Yes,
it's probably my fault.
And I'm so sorry if you ever thought
I consider you anything you're not,
but there's no way I could ever count you as
my second chance.

...But maybe you'll be
another first chance,
if you'll let me.

Maybe you'll be another only chance.