(Author's Note: As FictionPress won't allow me to indent with tabs, lines that originally were said by the character to continue the meter of the previous speaker - a tactic common in plays written in iambic pentameter or the like - have been prefaced with "(in meter)")

Act I, Scene I. (Mars' Orbit, 12153 AD)

(enter Robo-Necro-Hamlet, arms out)

HAMLET.
Pew! Pew!

(enter Gary Coleman in a spaceship)

GARY.
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Robo-Necro-Hamlet?!

HAMLET.
Pew! Pew-pew!

(the two engage in an epic space battle)

HAMLET.
For ten millennia I have waited for this one single moment of triumph,
This will be my final act of revenge, no matter how long it has taken!
For one hundred centuries of years I have struggled to overcome your evil,
But no more! This is where it ends, now, Gary Coleman – this is where we finish this!
Now die! Die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die!

GARY.
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Robo-Necro-Hamlet?!

HAMLET.
Enough! We were once friends, but your greed has murdered that friendship-

GARY. (in meter) Whatchoo talkin' 'bout?

HAMLET.
There's no use in attempting to persuade me – I won't succumb to your wicked ways.
But I speak too much, while I should be ending your life! Goodbye, foul Coleman, goodbye!

(Hamlet opens a panel door on the front of his pants and pulls a metal ball out)

HAMLET.
Pee-ooom!

(Hamlet throws the ball at Gary)

HAMLET.
Strike fair and true, strike wisely, o nuke! Seek true evil and blow him to pieces!
While the nu'clear bomb engages, Gary, have thee any last words? Speak now, or ne'er!

(stage darkens. Gary walks center-stage)

NARRATOR.
As Gary Coleman looked down the barrel of a hydrogen bomb, facing the final moments of his thousand-decade-long life, he wondered how he had amounted to this. Though this last chapter of his life had begun ten thousand years previous, a dim spark of neurons connecting flickered on in his brain. Synapses that had not been activated for several lifetimes warmed up, and he began to remember what had happened.

GARY.
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Narrator!?

NARRATOR.
End scene.