Control. When people lack it, lose it, can't quite grab onto it, we fear. We fear so much. We fear because it's our constant. It's something that we have say over. Something in this utterly screwed up world we knew how to work, to handle and then it's gone. Everything we've ever known, everything that's ever been familiar suddenly isn't. And it's scary. It's so scary.

Take love, for example. Half the time we don't even know what it is. And without knowing exactly i it /i , we're hesitant of believing it exists. Who says it's love? Who put limitations on it? Who made it so... utterly uncontrollable?

You think you know what's happening. You think that maybe, just maybe, you've found that person. Your alleged person. The person you can't be without and "completes you" and you'll go onto marry each other and then in a second, it changes.

Maybe it's not a second. Maybe it takes an hour. A day. Maybe a year. Maybe it never really changed at all. Maybe it was there from the start. A hidden love, secret feelings that you didn't know existed. Feelings that overrule the ones you were so sure were strong before and messes that up. It spins so wildly out of your control that you have to wonder, if someone punishing me?

Love, essentially, guides us through life. We back it up with feuds and finances and everything under the sun but love is there. It is always dwelling, maybe hiding, maybe throbbing so much that it blinds you. But no matter where you look, it's shadow follows you. And you think out of everything in the world, the one thing so important to us wouldn't be beyond our control. But it is.

You want to be able to pick who you love. You want to have a handle on it, choose who you think is suitable. But love isn't like that, I've come to realize. If you love somebody... you love them. And nothing will change that. And love hurts so much more than we can bear. Passion, the most beautiful thing in life, can be so ugly on the outside if we aren't careful.

We can't control our heart. We never could. And that only occurs to us when we want to more than anything. And sooner or later, we have to come to accept it. But first, we must cross that initial fear. The one that almost stops us from loving in the first place. Because if you can't open your eyes and move past it... you'll never get anywhere. And you'll stay in the same spot all your life, wondering what if.

But you can't wonder what if. You can't sit idly on the sides anymore and try to change your heartbeat. Because it's simply beyond our grasp and even the most ambitious of people can't reach it.

It's scary. It's so scary. But in the end, I think it'll be worth it. I hope it'll be worth it. Or what would be the purpose of love, anyway?