a/n: Shut the fuck up about how horrible your life is. Yes, it must be horrible with someone always there for you to make sure you're still okay, it must be horrible having someone that actually cares about you.
For once, I wish one of my "friends" would just stop thinking about herself constantly and listen to me when I need to talk to her. None of them do. Not a single one can just listen and take it as something that I need to talk about and stop trying to give me the advice that I don't need. If I needed advice, I'd go to a fucking counselor or write to a fucking magazine. I don't need advice, I need someone to just shut the fuck up and listen for once.
I would give almost anything for people to read something that I write and try to actually understand some of the hidden meaning. Nothing against my friends – I know they're only trying to help – but seriously; when I write something that says "could you please treat me like a human being" and I get "some people just suck" as a response, I hope they realize that they're talking about themselves.
Why can't anyone just trust me? I'm so sick of constantly going in circles trying to figure out what someone isn't telling me or what I did wrong.
Really, the only thing that weighs on my mind right now happens to be "I love you Stix. / But sometimes I hate you." Goes back to the human being thing. You don't understand what it's like, you don't know what I do, you don't get what I'm going through – so just stop pretending you do. I've been through enough in my life and I've cried myself to sleep too many times. I'm sick of it. Just treat me like the friend I was before you read that stupid note that I didn't want to give you in the first place.
Pretty sad when I have a headache so bad I can't sleep (because I've been crying for over an hour uncontrollably) and I flick on my light and scribble the first thing that comes to mind: The fact that I'm still trying to convince myself I'm fine should indicate the exact opposite, given my current situation. I'm sick of crying in the hallways and only being able to stand there with my head on my locker bawling while I can hear everyone else moving around me saying things like "what's wrong with Danielle?" and the only person that seems to even give a damn is him and all he does is barely even touch my back as he runs his hand me.
I'm so sick of constantly fighting with everyone and trying to hide the tears in my eyes when everyone can see that they're always there and they won't go away. I can't stand my brother and my mom fighting anymore and I can't stand always coming home after school with nothing to do and no one to talk to. I can't stand being a "latch-key kid" or whatever the hell they call us now. I want to just be a normal teenager with a normal family and a normal life, but I guess I kind of fucked that up for myself.
And for once, I'd like to be able to come home and just spend a night without spending an hour just crying and wishing for everything to just END.