How a heart breaks

for Uncle Rick(1961-2006) always in our hearts

Christmas is a time for joy & laughter, a time to celebrate family and friends, but how do you when someone's missing? It feels as if a piece of the puzzle is gone, forever lost, and now the rest of it cannot hold together. Searing pain creates a jagged edge. Emotions so often held inside slip through the cracks and open the wounds wider as they let go in the open. Pain is a constant companion to the once happy memories. the sound of your name. the mention of your memory. They force the feelings, the thoughts into my mind and I can't escape them. Hugging.Laughing.Smiling.Teasing...dying. Rage and anger drive the memories away. Why? Why? Why? I can't understand. You were too young. Your time too short. My new cousins, so small and innocent, what fate is this that they will never know the wonderful man you were? to them it will simply be a name, a memory of others, nearly meaningless...That thought brings the worst of the pain, for as much as it hurts to remember it hurts even more to forget. Sometimes I try to listen if I concentrate harder I will hear your voice, laughter. But I can't and that brings a new wave of tears. For the thought of forgetting truly makes the heart break.

The sorrow the pain, even if it kills me I will not allow myself to forget.


I'm not sure what this is...a rant? Really it's just pain, put into words instead of tears. If you pray, please pray for my family, it's so very, very hard.