Simon kept it all to himself. Death was marvelous, because Maxine didn't remember it happening. Death was marvelous. No one had to know what he had done for her, and no one had to know about the promise he had made with a goddess. They just had to know that Maxine was still alive, Simon was still alive—everyone was still alive. They just had to know, once everyone had returned to their home world, tired and worked to the breaking point, that they had survived for the sake of Jamison and Olivia—for the sake of their family.
Simon knew what it would mean if he told them, and so he kept it all inside. He didn't mind the secrets. He didn't mind them.
Maxine didn't have to know how frail she was, and he didn't have to worry about her worrying. He could just life his life with the lie. He could always keep her close, watch over her and make sure she didn't harm herself, and then he would go about the noble pursuit of answers.
Because he knew it from
the start. He knew right away that he would spend the rest of his
life searching. It was like an addiction—it drew him in, and it
never wanted to let him go. He was so fascinated, he was so
enthralled. And all the while he couldn't help but ask himself: "Why
me? Why not someone else? Why not someone who could handle such
His world was changing because he had gained access to so many others.
Sometimes things happen because they shouldn't. Some mechanism in the unknown universe sets about to moving, and suddenly people don't know where they're going. They spin about in orbits of varying eccentricity without understanding where they're going—but they don't question it. To question it would be wrong. To question it would be tragic. They just set about to wild and unpredictable movement until they end up where they were meant to end up—it's not fate or any sort of preordained life. There's no such order in the chaos—it just happens, and a person finds themselves where they were meant to be, simply because they spun in the right direction.
Simon was there. Simon was in that horrible spin. He hadn't known where he was going for so long, but he was starting to slow, and he was beginning to see where he was meant to be, and that amazing place was somewhere between a few worlds he had never been to.
He was changing, secrets were forming, worlds were waiting.