They're replacing me
with each other.
She walked past me to her
and said "Minetor, I need a hug."
She ignored me.
She asked her instead.
I stood there, staring at that stupid painting, and crying,
and she just stood there and stared at me staring at that stupid painting and crying.
Then she came around,
and I thought for a second she was going to do something besides stare at me.
No… she just sighed and pointed to something,
and it made everything worse because I had already seen it.
I think he realized that I had given up
because he called me over and pointed out what I had already told him.
I just rolled my eyes and walked away
as the bell rang and dismissed the class.
I walked down the hall between my two friends,
one of them my best.
I tried to join their normal conversation
but it didn't work.
I feel bad for Janelle because she always seems to be the one
that is walking next to me after fifth hour when I start crying.
She's supposed to be my best friend.
She pretended I wasn't crying
and just continued her conversation.
I didn't know what was stronger in me -
the anger or the depression.
It didn't matter
because the depression took over and I started to break apart again.
She ignored me.
He was unsure of himself and didn't know what to do.
I thought it would be normal.
She gave me a hug before she left.
I got home and I was mad
so I wrote something.
(I always write when I'm frustrated
because it helps.)
She read it a week later
and didn't understand.
I was fed up.
So I told her exactly how I felt.
She didn't say much to me.
Just "fine then. fuck you too."
Those five words were the most powerful
words anyone has ever spoken (written) to me.
Maybe it was because she was my best friend.
(No. Not was. Is.)
I don't know anymore.
I just know I'm frustrated beyond belief.
I just want my best friend back.
I just want my fucking friends back!
a/n: I wasn't thinking? I don't know. I probably wasn't, knowing me.
Yeah, you probably weren't thinking. You chose someone else over me. You always do.
I wish I was fat like that damn Budha statue I gave her. Lost too much weight lately. Maybe I'd be happy too, and golden.
I think I still would have spent the money on her
even if I had know that a week later
she wouldn't even talk to me.
Fucking pointless, all of this.