Joelle has hella issues. This is filled with swearing and sexual situations and it might be a little confusing -- if you're not able to handle any of that then please turn back now.

And aside from having issues with her dirty mouth, let me know what you think, if you need something explained, if you want more Joelle and Alex or if there are grammar issues.

Thanks.

-Mirlyn

.X.X.X.

I had fucked up. Somewhere along the way I had fucked up. Whore eating mother fucker. I'd put hell of my time into that fucking prick -- longer then it had fucking taken any other fucker to fall for it -- and he couldn't care a rat's tit in hell about it. Not that I mother fucking cared about him -- I damn well didn't. But by now he fucking should've been falling over his feet for me and I would've damn well known it was time to break his fucking heart.

I scowled into my cup and downed it -- then four more. I'd put off sleeping with him, which was a fucking pain in my ass, so that when I did he'd show some goddamn emotion -- but he fucking didn't. So if sleeping with him didn't work then...Damnit, maybe sleeping with someone else would. Assface.

Fuckin' A!

Another drink disappeared and I slipped off my stool. I was to the point of drunk where I couldn't tell who the hell anyone was or really had any control over what I was saying -- but I was still at the point where I almost seemed more sober then I damn well did most of the time -- fuck yeah.

It took far too fucking long to find someone I thought was attractive -- I would've, shit, thought he looked like Alex, but I wasn't that fucking attracted to Alex and he wasn't fucking here 'cos he had a mother fucking basketball game he was off for -- so it didn't damn well matter even if he did look like Alex -- Fuck him anyways. Just like I was going to fuck this guy.

I grinned and unabashedly moved into the middle of the circle of conversation -- the guy he was talking too was less attractive so I didn't give a fuck. I invaded the fuckable one's personal space and wrapped my arms around his neck and stretched against him. "Do you want to fuck me?" I saw a flash of white teeth and a laugh, "Yeah." I smiled and pushed my hips tighter against his, "I want you to fuck me."

I don't think anything more was said before we fucked -- but damn if I know. All I remembered was that it was good.

I woke up, expecting him to be gone -- if was my goddamn room after all. But he wasn't. I stirred and noticed the body under me, swore and heard a laugh under me, and then lips on my shoulder. I blinked open my eyes to see my boyfriend kissing my neck -- I swore again and then he was kissing me and shit went from there the way it always fucking does.

My plan the night before clearly hadn't worked -- and I damn well didn't know how I'd managed to take him home when he wasn't even fucking supposed to be in town. So, if that didn't work then I was going to fucking try something else. If I could at least break his heart then I wouldn't care if he never actually seemed to care. So when he shifted in me I moaned out a name that wasn't his -- he stilled for a moment and then kissed me -- hard -- pulled back slightly and whispered, harsh, "My name or no name." And then he was kissing me again and then he was moving again and -- fuck -- it was hot. He didn't get his name, but I wasn't thinking well enough to try again with someone else's name.

After, I lay there, far too fucking sated, and enjoyed those annoying little designs he was lazily drawing on my stomach -- and I realized I was far more fucking fucked then I'd realized before -- because I was damn well getting comfortable with him and that was fucked up.

The whole situation was fucked all to hell. It was very simple how it was supposed to go. I chased him, he gave in, he fell for me, I broke my heart and left him. But that was not how it was going. No, instead, I chased him, he gave in, I tried to get him to fall for me, failed, I tried to get him jealous, he wasn't -- a little possessive and his fucking male ego was obviously insulted, but he damn well wasn't jealous -- and for some strange fucked up reason that was hella hot to me and now I was damn well starting to fall for him and -- Fuck. No I wasn't. God-fucking-damnit.

Groaning, I covered my face with a hand -- Alex just chuckled and settled his hand more fully against me without saying anything-- And I fucking wanted to kill him.

I was bound and determined for it not to get worse and for his heart to get crushed -- so at the next party I actually held back on drinking -- fucking hell -- and I chatted and flirted and used all the tricks in my bag until Alex finally wandered over to where I was laying it on thick to two guys. He wrapped an arm around me and started talking to one of the guys -- leaving the other to continue to flirt with me. I continued to flirt and fuck -- my only consolation was the fact that everything I laughed at something the guy said he arm flexed -- other then that he remained completely fucking relaxed. And fuck, I know it's fucking twisted, but it was hot. He was staying calm but wasn't in complete control and shit, I wanted to make him loose control.

So after a moment I leaned forward and said something to the guy -- and watched his gaze go directly down my top -- with a smirk I asked if he liked them -- he said he wanted to see if they tasted half as good as they looked -- I laughed and said they didn't feel half bad either -- he reached out a hand and then Alex hauled off and punched him -- using the arm that wasn't around me and never removing that arm -- though his grip did get slightly tighter. Or maybe I was fucking imagining that, fuck if I know.

I smirked and let him lead me away before untangling myself and going to get some better liquor.

I knew the relationship wasn't going to last -- shit like this never fucking did. Which was why I damn well wasn't supposed to get attached. But I was attached and I needed to break it off soon -- somehow that would break his heart (even if I half thought breaking his fucking heart would damn well hurt mine as well -- fucking fucker.) Whatever broke his heart into the smallest fucking pieces was the plan.

Yup. Good fucking plan. Maybe I'd actually cheat on him this time -- but, maybe not right now...