Author Notes: I wrote this two years ago for a class, don't blame me if t sounds too childish, when I found it on my computer in one of my old files, I couldn't resist not putting it here. Read it and review, then I might write more about Monkey. (Something a bite more erotic and explicit might suit this furry creature real well! =) This is deticated for the demented peoples out there because the world just wouldn't be right or wrong without them! I live in my own deranged world, so sue me!

Disclaimer: I don't own Monkey and his friends, they are based on Ancient Chinese folktales, I've just always liked the guy for some odd reason. I don't know he belongs to, but I don't think some spirit will be coming after me to claim him. (Maybe one will, that would be interesting.)

Introduction: In Ancient China there was a legend about a mythical monkey named Monkey. Monkey was born from a egg and was very magical. Monkey was very mischievous and would get into a whole lot of trouble with his friends the Buddhist pilgrim, Pigsy, who was always eating, and Sandy, a mysterious being who had been haunting a river. In this story I am going to retell the story of Monkey's troubles with the King of the Dead and how he meets his three friends through this ordeal.

"What?" the King of the Dead couldn't believe his ears. No one ever crossed him, ever. Monkey had gone too far this time. His practical jokes always were silly and minor before. Maybe a frog in the Lord's bed or giving him a lotion that would turn his hands green for a time, but that was all frivolous stuff. The His Highness of Death had always beem sort of linient, but now those punishments were minor compared to what was in store for him after this stunt. His majesty, the King of the Dead, would see to that.


Monkey was sick of his little jokes, he needed something bigger, better. At first it was funny, but now it was all the same, boring. Monkey came up with the perfect joke, to go into the King of the Dead's palace and delete the files of all the monkeys in all places. If he did that all of the monkeys in the world would live forever and never have to die. Monkey liked the sound of helping his brothers and sisters around the world.

It gave Monkey the willies to think about the King of the Dead. His skin had a greenish color and he always wore dull black clothes. He was serious, noble, and he had the awfulest breath of any of the gods. He wouldn't appreciate a good joke if it was right in his face. He was always telling Monkey he should be more responsible, take charge, be reliable Blah, blah, blah! Monkey was sick of it all. The King of the Dead was getting what was coming to him.


"Monkey, you have done wrong," Monkey had been caught a week later by the guards of the King of the Dead. Bet I am just going to get a lecture, he thought. "Monkey you must be punished, but I don't know what."

"I think I do," the King and Monkey turned to stare at this intruder. He was tall with such tanned skinned it looked orange and his clothes were thin and summer like. Monkey thought the man looked funny and he couldn't keep form laughing.

"Monkey!" the King of the Dead gave Monkey a look that said to be quiet or else. "This is the Daoist god Lao-zi."
"Thank you for introducing me your majesty, but I have to be quick. I need someone to guard my peach orchard. Monkey would be perfect for the job." The mean glint in the man's eyes gave Monkey the willies.

"But, do you trust Monkey after all the mischief he has caused. What if he steals your peaches?" The Lord of the Unliving tried to change the orange god's mind. Monkey could have kissed the the King of Zombies.

"I think that I can take care of that problem,"

Lao-zi's eyes twinkled.

"Then take him," No! Monkey didn't want to go with this creepy man and his creepy peaches. Before he could even protest the man had swept them away. Monkey didn't even have a chance to defend himself.

I wish I could each those sweet warm peaches, Monkey thought hungrily. He had always fancied the succlent fruit especially ones that looked like Lao-zi's, they weren't creepy, not that god was creepy, but the fruit looked heavenly. Don't think about it, he then scolded himself. Lao-zi had put a spell on the trees to that Monkey couldn't pick any of the fruit. Who knew what would happen if he tried? He like his two legs, two arms, a belly, a head, and one genuine tail exactlly were the great creator had put them.

"Pigsy!" Monkey shouted for the caretaker. He didn't know the real name of the man, just that even Lao-zi called the obese giant Pigsy, which suited the hunk of lard just fine, in Monkey's opinion. For the last month he had tried to get the fat creature to pull down the peaches for him, but it wasn't working. Pigsy did have some intelligent buried the fat folds between his ears.

"Yes?" Pigsy said breathlessly. Monkey smiled, Pigsy had wasted all his breath running the short distance over here. He was probably tired and more likely to be gullible.

"Master Lao-zi told me to help you harvest the fruit," Monkey answered innocently. He was surprised that he hadn't thought of tricking Pigsy like this before. He was a genius among the Monkey population, everyday he just grew clever and more intelligent and it was finally paying off.

"He did?" Pigsy said kind of disbelieving like. Monkey had said that the fat guy did have some brain activity, but he knew it would be long before Pigsy would do anything for food.

"Off course, you nitwit now start picking." Pigsy decided it waas better to just go with it then argue so he spent the next two hours up in trees throwing down the peaches. When he was done Monkey started in on them. The sweet fruit nectar was unlike anything he had ever shoved into his mouth. Pigsy was so tired after his hard labor he took a nap and didn't even notice what Monkey was doing. Monkey ate every single morsel of fruit. It tasted so good! Definitely the best peaches he had ever had in his whole life.

"Monkey! What have you done?" Lao-zi had just gotten back and he was furious. The orange god looked like he was going to blow a casket, Monkey gave him a smile that showed off his fruit stained teeth. He wasn't going to deny what he had down. At least there was no peaches to guard any longer "You have eaten the fruit of immortality!"

"I have? Monkey was surprised and delighted. He was immortal now! That was just one step under being a god himself.

"Yes, you have, you jackass! I sentence you to death," Lao-zi's face turned so red that he looked like a overripe cherry. Monkey laughed. The was a real goon, almost looked like a peach himself if you squinted hard and stood about a mile off. Peaches were way too good looking.

"You think it's funny! Well, laugh at this!" he thrust his sword into Monkey, but it wouldn't go in. Monkey was immortal now, so immortal that a god couldn't hurt him.

"Hah, hah!" Monkey thought that this was the best joke ever. The King of Dead would never see him visit his halls. Ths was a one way ticket out of there.

"If I can't kill you then I will bury you under a mountain for five-hundred years!" Lao-zi said frustrated and with that Monkey disappeared in a puff of smoke. Pigsy was sent as his guardian against the fat giant's will. Lao-zi was glad to get rid of the ridiculous clod.


Ten years pasted and Monkey was going crazy. Day after day he stared into dirt and the hard stone of hs prison. It was so boring. The rainy summer season brought water dripping into his face and the warm summer season didn't even penetrate his ice cold dungeon. This was stupid, Lao-zi could suck an ox, Monkey was not going to stay in here for five-hundred years.

"Monkey! There is a Buddha pilgrim that wants to do a good deed and get you out!" Pigsy yelled from the surface.

"Tell him to hurry up," Monkey yelled back anxiously. what good luck he was having. It was time to make a jail break and what better then a religious pilgrim to do the deed. The pilgrim was able to call on Buddha to get Monkey out. It took a few hours, but now the furry immortal creature was finally free.

"Thank you pilgrim," Monkey told the pilgrim. "You have been such a good friend, maybe you would like to travel with us?" This pilgrim seemed to have a good relationship with Buddha and Monkey needed some gods on his side. He had pissed off both the King of the Dead and Lao-zi, if he didn't make some allies quick he was going to be back in prision, but a worse one.

"I accept," the pilgrim conceded. He was a serious man who had a deep faith in Buddha. Days later Monkey knew he should never have asked the fanatic to join them, he was trying to make Monkey a religious convert, that was not going to happen.

After a week of hell the three companions happened onto a river. They were immediately careful for any dangers regarding this expanse of water. They tended to like these places best, watery and damp.

"You shall not cross!" a spirit rose from the river who reminded Monkey of the King of the Dead, but much uglier, though, he had never believed that possible. "Is that you Monkey?" the spirit squinted to look closer at Monkey. "Why, it is! Legends of you have even reached us river spirits. Did you really piss off half the gods?"

"Why yes," Monkey said smugly. "I'm in legends now?" Monkey could barely contain his happiness. He was famous!

"Of course! I was wondering if a could travel with you. See, I am a mere river guardian and it is very boring work. I want jokes and adventure like you. You are my idol," the guardian pleaded. Monkey had always wanted fans, but he had wanted the sexy woman not a male river spirit who looked like a zombie. Oh, well every great god had to start some where.

"You may, but tell us your name first," Monkey answered. It took the spirit a few moments to think up a answer. Was he making something up? Maybe, this wasn't such a good plan.

"Sandy," he answered finally. Monkey knew there was something about Sandy that was troublesome, but he couldn't put his paw on it. It gave him an uneasy feeling.

For the next fourteen years the four companions traveled. Monkey constantly getting them into trouble with everyone and everything, but turning around and getting them out again. His cleverness and slightly deranged courage brought him the fame he wanted. Stories are still told today to children all over China.