I'll think of you whenever autumn comes around
Because I feel you like the end of a cigarette on cold clear nights.
That familiar burning of embers between fingers
Hot, heavy nicotine smoke
Clinging to the lining with every drag.
I spend so much time writing our ending.
That final exhalation
When the next breath is nothing but stinging air in unaccustomed lungs.
And even before I pressed the words to your ears
I wrote you as leaves
Red, orange, and yellow before they hit the ground
Piles of burgundy to get lost in
Before everything fades to grey

I am so afraid (of the words
caught in my throat)
that I can only trace I…I am…I L… onto your skin every morning
into the fog on your car window every time I leave

because I don't want to be, I don't want to, I don't, I…

Sometimes I dream of Sunday mornings down the road
Me, waking up wander-whispering
Do you remember when the tree outside your door caught fire?
Do you remember when the days were longer than a heart beat
And they always began with you?
Do you remember…?

See, rain snow sleet are the grand finale of every fall
Skin cracking under the deafening silence that pulls universes apart
And we are only people
Remembering the ends of the summer.
Campfires have held the best parts of us all
Since the very first last goodbye
Where lingering means I'll write means

I'll never be the same