our first real fight.
my first real fight.
throwing words at you.
they come back and cut like a razor blade in my heart.
i'm mad.
i'm not thinking.
you just said "i love you" and i want to say it back to you.
but at the same time i just want to be mad for a while.

bouncing between friends is no longer enough.
i can't take it anymore.
i need one completely constant friend that i can talk to every day, regardless.

i was so worried earlier when i said "i think about it constantly" and i thought you'd take it the wrong way.
then i realized that i want to pull this rope tighter.
i want to see just how far it'll stretch.
maybe if it stretches far enough, i can wrap it around my neck and choke myself with it.
we fought more.
we just kept fighting.
more words.
more anger.
i'm just getting more and more frustrated with every passing minute.
biting my lip, grinding my teeth.
nothing is going right for me right for me…

then again…
you did just ask me to be your valentine again.