"What's so special in being ordinary?"
Just before the clock strikes at 7 am, I saw a girl and I must say that I know her very well. Her name's Andrea. Her hair's fixed in ponytail. She's wearing a simple outfit that suits her style (a white shirt paired with camouflage jeans). An ordinary girl yet special in a nice way. Hmmm…am I actually endorsing myself or what? Well, that girl's actually me…my reflection at the full length mirror placed at the back of my bedroom's door.
I suddenly heard a vehicle stopped in front of our block. I got off my feet and walked towards the window. Down there, I saw a cute guy driving his big bike. Now, seeing him seems to nudge something in me that I suddenly become excited upon going down.
"Bye mom!" I shouted before getting out of the doorway. "Be home in time!" I heard her replied. I ran towards this particular guy I saw awhile ago. I stopped in front of him and saw him smile. Oh no, everytime he smiles at me, I just can't describe the feeling that I have. I didn't even notice that I'm already gazing at him. "Hey!" he uttered bringing me back to the present time. "What is it exactly that you're waiting for?" he asked. I suddenly became aware, I hop on the back; wrapped my arms on his waist and off we go.
You may wonder about this guy that I'm talking about. Well, he's Jared, the most wonderful guy I've ever met…my boyfriend…nah, just kidding. Honestly, he's my best friend. We've known each other since grade school and I've shared a lot of memories with him. I sometimes wonder if we can be more than friends, but everytime I do that, I'm always nudge to reality that it won't happen…well the feelings aren't mutual, yes, I like him (Secretly) but he likes another girl. He describes her as sweet, charming, adorable, and special. I sighed as I hope that I'm that girl, but as I say…NEGATIVE!
When we reached our university, I hopped off his bike, removed the helmet and returned it to him. "I'll just find somewhere to park, you'll wait for me here okay?" he instructed. "I-I captain" I salute him. He laughed and said "You're nuts Andie" and off he went. I waited there for at least 3 minutes. Then he came back; draped his right arm on my shoulders while we take the way inside the campus.
As we head to our building, I asked him a familiar question. "So when am I gonna meet this girl?" I asked. He shrugged. "I guess now's not the best time Andie" Okay, I heard that answer for how many times since he started talking about this lucky girl.
We're in different classes so we parted out ways as the bell rang. I deal with my classes alone and so he did. The half of the day went so fast and good. After my last class with Prof. Gee, I directly headed to the cafeteria to meet him there. As I walked inside, I saw him with his band mates. By the way, he's a drum-guy. He's the drummer of the most popular band at the university, the "Crossroads". Isn't it cool? Well, that's another factor that I like about him. When I came to him, he suddenly bid goodbye to his mates and faced me on the table.
"Where are they going? Aren't they gonna eat with us?" I asked. "Nah…they have stuff to do" he answered. "So what do you want to eat?" he asked this time. I paused to think "Hmmm…anything will do" I replied. "Okay." He said as he got off his feet and went to the counter to order. I followed him by a look and I was surprised when I turned at his vacated place, I saw a charming girl. I asked her of her intention and I wasn't shocked when she told me about it. She told me to tell Jared if they could go out on a date. "Okay, I'll tell him about it" I replied. "Thanks" she uttered smiling. "By the way, what's your name?" I almost forgot to ask. "Jenny, I'm Jenny" she introduced as she shook hands with me. After that, I saw her sat two tables away from ours. Another blink later, Jared appeared in front of me with food for lunch. He noticed me gazing at a particular girl and then asked "Who's that?" She seems to be a new girl?". "Yeah, and she's asking for your time" I replied. "What do you mean?" he queried lending my share to me. "Okay, let's pretend that you really don't know what I'm trying to say, that girl whose name is Jenny, came to me awhile ago and asked a favour if I could tell you that she wants to go on a date with you" I explained. "Really" he grinned as he glanced back on Jenny. The girl smiled and he did the same and when faced me again he said "Well, she's pretty" I stared at him waiting for his additional words. "But no thanks." He finally added. "Okay" I muttered. "So here I go again" I added as I looked at Jenny's way and signaled her that her proposal has been turned down. Jenny's actually frustrated, but what else can she do?
While eating, I opened a topic. "Jared?" I uttered. He stopped eating and faced me. "You said, Jenny's pretty…then why wouldn't you go out with her?" I asked. He shrugged once more. "Maybe because she's not as pretty as the girl that I like" he answered coolly. Now here it goes again, he doesn't seem to notice, but everytime he started talking about the "Girl-he-Likes" I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm jealous but I need to keep it to myself. Well, I can't shout it to everyone for him to know. "Why can't you just like me Jared?" I often asked him (secretly). I straighten my back as I ask him casually "So when can you tell me, your best friend, that particular girl's name?" he emptied his glass before answering "Do you really want to know about it?" he queried in return. I nod yes. 'Well I guess I'll have to tell you about this today" he said. "But it's gonna be this afternoon" he added. "What? Why? Why not now?" I asked sternly. "I'm sorry got to go, I have class at 12nn, see yah later Andie!" he said as he dashed off. "Okay" I told myself, waiting for the afternoon isn't that long.
I went to my classes that time, but my mind's occupied by the thought of that girl, I kept asking myself of who can she be. What does she have for Jared to like her? A lot of girls like Jared; well I can't blame them. This tall, handsome, dark-haired, and drummer guy, has got what it takes to be a boyfriend material. I must admit that I'm just like them, but the only difference is that I'm closer to him because I'm his best friend. A girl who's actually in love with her best friend. (Secretly of course).
We went home together that afternoon and when we reached our house, I reminded him of his word. "C'mon Jared, what's her name?" I asked for the second time now. "So tell me, aren't you gonna stop bugging until you know about it?" he asked. "Surely" I answered. "Okay, you seem so interested…her name's Abbigail" he finally let it out. Awhile ago, I thought that I really want to know about it, but now…I can't seem to manage, something seems to push me out of the picture. Jared and Abbigail, they're gonna be a nice pair. Now what's gonna happen to me? Am I gonna be drawn into the darker part of the room while he's out with her?
There is something that I'm really hoping for…it's for me to be strong to keep on pretending that I'm not hurt.
Days and weeks continued to pass, he's getting more obsessed to this Abbigail girl. There had never been a day that we're together that he won't mention her name. One time, I was watching their rehearsal for the homecoming dance when he came to me and talked about her again. He told me that she saw her yesterday at the coffee shop. "Jared, I was there with you yesterday, why didn't you introduce her to me?" I asked sternly. "Sorry Ands, she's quite busy yesterday" he answered. He stayed there with me for 10 more minutes and after that he went back to his band mates. As I gazed at him, I remembered his face and expression everytime he talks about her. He's happy. Happiness is visible even to his eyes. He must be really in love with her. I envy her, I really do. Now, there's no way that I'm gonna tell Jared about my feelings. I just can't ruin his happiness just because of this stupid feeling that I have for him, for Jared, for my best friend.
Everytime we're together, I always show him smiles, he always hears my laughters, but when I'm alone again, I'm always occupied by silence. I kept on convincing myself that sooner or later everything will never be the same. By the time he and Abbigail start their relationship, it will all be over for Andie, for me. There are times that I would pray for him to forget about this sweet, charming, adorable, and special girl and like me instead, but I always come to think that "why would I pray for such a crazy stuff?" so I end up convincing myself to be happy for him. I'm always smiling at him even though I'm deeply hurt inside.
Why am I supposed to feel this way? Why am I supposed to fall in love with him? To someone who doesn't even notice me? The answer is…"Maybe I'm falling for the wrong one"
The homecoming dance is fast approaching. Last time I know it's a week away, but now, it's gonna be on Saturday and tomorrow's already Saturday. This day ended without us seeing each other. He's busy rehearsing for the said event with the rest of the band. I'm starting to realize that everytime I see him, I'm starting to get hurt, everytime his eyes sparkle with joy and love because of her, it torns me deep inside. I was gonna close my eyes to sleep when my phone rang. It's him, it's Jared. He reminded me to come on the dance tomorrow because I'll be able to finally meet her. After I assured him that I'll be there tomorrow, the line between us was cut off. I remember how much I wanna meet this girl. Almost everyday I bug him just to make him promise that he'll introduce her to me, but now what happened? I suddenly stop looking forward for that day to come and that day's gonna be tomorrow.
The clock strikes at exactly 5:30 pm. I'm sitting at hanging bench just outside front door. My mom unexpectedly found me there. She came to me and asks of the thing that bothers me. Even before I was able to confide to her, she already let out of a statement that I never thought she would. "You love him, don't you?" she asked. I looked at her puzzled. "Well Andie…I know you do". "How?" I managed to asked. "I can see it Andie…everytime you look at him…I know there's something special" my mom explained. "But he likes someone else mom, he even loves her" I said as tears fill my eyes. "He may like or love another girl, but there will never be another girl who'll take your place" she said comforting me. "You're special to him Andie…so don't be so sad" she added. "Yes mom, I'm special for him…as his best friend" I said with a heavy heart. She came closer and gave me a warm hug. Now that made me feels a bit better. "The dance will be at 6 o'clock right? Why are you still here?" mom queried. "I don't feel like going mom, I can't seem to stand meeting his girl" I honestly replied. "But you promised to come, didn't you?"
I was late that when I entered the venue, the hall's already filled with students. Everybody seems to be really excited. And that exempts me of course. I feel so gloomy underneath the joyful lights and decorations. I talk to several people but none of them seems to notice the pain that I'm feeling inside. Well, I guess I'm really that good in pretending. I shall congratulate myself for being a Gemini, as they say, Gemini's are good pretenders.
As the party goes deeper, I finally had the chance to hear the "Crossroads" play. I can see him from far. He's with the drums. He's happy, maybe because she's here tonight. He told me last night that I'll be able to meet her tonight, so I'm sure she's here. The hall became silent when the vocalist of the band started talking. "Okay everyone…this song's extra special, what makes this song special? Let's try to ask our drum buddy…Jared!" everyone clapped as Jared took the microphone. "Hi everyone...this song's special because this goes for a special girl, she's here tonight and I'm glad about it…so Abbigail, this song's for you" Jared delivered. Now that made an intense impact on me. I want to run somewhere else; somewhere no one will hear me cry my misery.
in the way
There's always something
but it's not me
it's You, it's You
but hope is not in
what i know
it's not in me..me
it's in You, it's in You
it's all i know
it's all i know
it's all i know
i find peace when
i find hope when
i'm let down
not in me ... me
it's in you
i hope to lose myself
i hope to find it in the end
not in me ... me
While they're playing, I'm there and hurting. I can't even manage to look as him because it adds to the pain that I'm trying to resist. Several couples were dancing at the center while I remain silent in the corner. When the song has finally ended, I felt the need to go out. I made my way towards the exit, but then I heard someone called my name. "Andie!" it's Jared. I fasten my steps but he caught up on me. He overpassed me and stood in front. "Hey! Where are you going?" he asked. "I'm going home" I answered. "Why? It's too early; you're still going to meet her right?" he reminded. I walked away but again, he stopped me by the arm. "Wait…what's the matter? (He looked at my eyes) Hey…are you crying?" he continued to ask as he noticed my watery eyes. "C'mon tell me. What's going on?". "Nothing!" I replied bluntly. "Just let me go…I don't want to deal with this now (I stared at him) especially with you" I stated. "With me? Wait. Are you angry with me Andie? What have I done? C'mon tell me"
Now something has nudged me to tell him about the real problem.
"Yes Jared…I'm angry! I'm angry because no matter what I do, I can't be like her" I started as tears race down my cheeks. "What are you talking about?" he interjected. "I'm angry because no matter what happen, I won't turn out to be that sweet, charming, adorable, and special girl that grasps your heart Jared." I finally let out. "What? You mean…" he was a bit confused. "Yes…I'm one of those girls who likes you…I'm just like them…I started liking you years before, but I'm so good in pretending that you haven't even noticed that it was there" I began to sob. "You may hate me for saying this but yes, I turned out to fall in love with my best friend…and I'm (I bite my lips to calm myself) I'm really sorry" I continued, not meeting his gaze. I gasped because I'm already starting to breathe in difficulty. He was surprised; I guess he never really expected this scene. I don't know if he's angry or what, but what's important is that I said it. Then I ran away without even glancing at him.
When I'm out of the venue, I stopped somewhere to breathe. I covered my face with my hands and cried. I'm crying because I know that no one will hear me. I finally told him about my feelings, but I'm really not sure if I did the right thing.
The only thing I know is that it'll never be the same again…for me, for him…for us.
I directly went home and headed to my room. I stayed there for hours just staring at the ceiling, not knowing of what to think, and not knowing of what to do. I got out of my room and went on the roof. The canopy of the 1st level of the house's actually connected to my room so I got there through the window. Another moment later, I was there. I'm staring at the stars above. The summer breeze's perfect. I can feel the wind and hear the rustles made by the leaves of the trees inside the neighbourhood. Everything up there's so peaceful except my mind and my heart.
It's past 11 and I bet the party's about to be over. I closed my eyes and feel the wind soothes into me. I liked the feeling that I wasn't aware what's been happening. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see him beside me. He's actually there beside me. "Jared? What are you doing here?" I immediately asked. "Spending the night with you" He said as he took a deep breath. "Please don't pretend that everything's okay between us. I hate it, just leave" I said sternly. "I wont leave unless everything's clear, I really treasure our friendship Andie and I don't want to lose it just because of-----" I didn't let him finish. "Just because of my stupid feeling?" I asked a little bit harsh. "Don't worry, I've been pretending for such a long time, I think I'll manage to do it again for the coming years" I said. "I didn't expect this night to come out this way; I really planned to introduce her to you" he replied. I'm getting mad. Is he really doing this for a reason or what? After all what happened? He's still insisting to introduce me to that "girl-he-likes"? "But I guess you'll never meet her in a special way so…I guess this will do" he said giving me something. I can't understand him. What is he talking about? He gave me a gift. For what? "What's this for?" I asked trying to compose myself. "Open it" He replied.
I opened it and directly found a mirror.
I gazed at him. "Are you really playing a prank on me Jared? What's the mirror doing here?" I asked him. He smiled. "Don't smile at me that way…I hate it when you do it without reason at all" I said. He reached for the mirror and levelled it on my face. I directly saw my reflection on the mirror. Then I heard him say…"Andie…I want you to meet the sweet, charming, adorable, and special girl that I'm talking almost everytime" this time I really don't know if he's joking or not. He moved the mirror away. "Abbigail?" I muttered out of nowhere. "Yes Andie…it's you…Abbigail has always been you" he admitted. "What?" I uttered. "But you told me she's sweet, charming, and adorable-". "You are Andie" he intercepted. "And special? How could I be special if I'm so ordinary?" I queried once more. "You're ordinarily special Ands" he whispered, as he moved his face closer to mine. "Is it true Jared?" "You better believe it is" he replied. "I've been planning to tell you about this, but I thought you didn't feel the same way. And tonight, I really planned to tell you this, but you unexpectedly did it first" he explained. "So do you mean that song's actually for me?" he nodded smiling. "I love my best friend Andie…I love her so much" he said as he moved his face closer to mine. I was going to allow him to kiss me, but I suddenly remembered something. "Why Abbigail?" I asked looking at him intently. "Because your mother once told me that she really wanted to name you Abbigail , but your father contradicted so it ended up Andrea instead." He explained. I smiled, now I didn't know about that. "What do you think of my explanation?" he asked this time. I showed him another smile and replied…"Just right"
Then it happened. The first kiss from the most wonderful, dream to be boyfriend guy I've ever met…from Jared…from my best friend.
I thought that falling in love with your best friend will turn out as an ordinary picture of today's situation, but I was wrong, because it ended up special…and it's indeed ordinarily special….