One More Dead

Killed one more today
It tastes like the tremors I remember
Backslid a bit today
And I know I'm not the only member
Of the twice shy club
But I know we stick apart

Tripped up to backslide in rewind
Decided not to decide whether I should be fine
I just can't get back up to get back up to get back up to get back gone

I just killed one today
Tomorrow might be two
but with them so few
maybe I should just get out of everyone else's way
Just watch the children play

And there's nothing wrong with me
I may act out of whack when the chips seem stacked
but I know it doesn't mean I'll lose everything

And there's nothing wrong with me
I may have lost all track of what it means to be back
and slowly losing grip on what some might call reality

but there's nothing wrong with me
I'm only dead on the inside

I killed one more today
It's all that's left inside of me
backslid a bit today
And the fact that I'm afraid is what makes me afraid

I haven't felt like this
I haven't felt like this
I haven't felt like this
I haven't felt like this
Since I was someone I barely remember
I still don't want to remember
identities that were weaker than me

And here's where philosophy comes in to play
Without them this whole thing just seems like a waste
So cold that the burn might be worth the disgrace
I'm so protected that I'm locked out of my own face

And yet I still killed one more today
I can see the subtle freedoms in a lack of a sense of shame
But I still backslid today
I don't want to make a habit of living this way