Inspired to politicians' somewhat ridiculous stance on issues and what they propose to do to "fix" them.
This is your representative speaking.
Due slightly in part
to global warming,
I regret to inform you that
life as we know it is almost over.
The sun will fry
our planet much sooner
than originally thought
and only the cockroaches
will be left to rule Earth.
If there is any chance of survival,
it will be in the new space stations,
fit to support several hundred lives
for at least a dozen years.
have been released into the atmosphere
because of our many years of
For your own safety,
please do not consume products
made outside the U.S.
or grown in fields with sunlight and soil.
The only food I endorse
is that synthetically made
in out-sourced American factories.
And, yes, the immigrants
from such third-world countries
as Mexico, England, and Africa
are spreading disease and fear
through our good nation.
I propose that we close our borders
and get this epidemic under control.
My opponents may have told you things,
things that may seem horrific to you,
but these are lies.
I do not support abortion,
I do not propose tax increases,
I do not start affairs with prostitutes in bathrooms,
and I most certainly do not hate puppies.
In actuality, it is my opponents
who do all these things.
The Senator from Virginia has had
three abortions in the last two years
and has raised taxes to help fund these abnormalities.
Even my running mate is guilty:
there are vicious rumors flying around
about an alleged meeting with a hooker...
and Miss U.S.A. admitted on T.V.
to hating dogs of any sort -
So now that the good voters
know the whole story,
I encourage you to vote me
in the next election,
should the space station
be perfected before the end.