maybe you really were beautiful.

maybe your heart was truly full,
maybe you truly had the life i thought you did.
(i just can't see the evidence.)

your stupid black hat and that
stupid black field will haunt me for the rest of
my life, won't it darling?

and you sad eyes looking into mine
whispered, "if only you knew…"

(if only i knew in the beginning,
i wouldn't be here now.)

the little girl (your sister) was honest,
and i was in denial,
(no, that wasn't just your hand that struck her.)

but it was.

and your hands did a lot more damage than that.
(but it's your eyes that i can't forget.)

that was probably the source of your problems, too.
they are probably the only thing in your life that's
not empty.

(your eyes are full—of lust.)

i keep thinking of the places that i should have
left you behind:

thefield.thecar.thechurch.thebarn.

but your face keeps coming back.

especially at night when no one else is around
(that's where you always broke me before.)

now's not different.

but there's freedom from you and this hatred.
it'll all dissolve like snow.

(just like atoms.)

and the explosion will be just as beautiful.
(but nuclear reactions kill people.)

then again, no one said that freedom's free.
(i'm not the only one who's cried tears reflecting your face.)