I walk across the sidewalk

With reasoning I didn't have before,

And my thoughts stray to you.

I remember all I've done to you,

Everything I've put you through,

And I wished that I could take it all back:

The tears,

The anger,

The fears.

I wish I could tell you

How much it meant to me

That you never turned and left.

Sometimes I wish that you had.

Maybe then I wouldn't have hurt you.

You wouldn't have to deal with a broken me.

There would have been no letters,

No silence,

No need for explanations that felt empty.

I wish I could hold back the anger,

Keep it locked up

Inside myself and loose the key.

I wish I could shield you from myself

When my emotions crumble

And I throw the shattered pieces at you.

I wish I could make you see

It's not you I'm mad at,

It's me.