Prologue - A bird or a bee?
Ever wonder where your life's going? Where you fit in, in the grand scheme of things? Ever stop to consider the things you take for granted? Such as your identity for instance? Well I didn't. Seriously, who cares? You can't live if you keep wasting your time thinking about living, now can you? Only thing is, life isn't always that simple. Hi, I'm Cass, Cassidy, Cassandra, take your pick but I would definitely suggest you stick with just plain Cass. It's easier. Believe you me. Confused by any chance? Well, good, it's what I'm going for.
Anyway, have you ever wondered who you're meant to be? Stay with me here. Ever wondered who you are and what gives you definition? Not something you think about every day, now is it? No worries, I don't think about it either, or at least I didn't until a couple of years ago. Now you're probably wondering what happened a couple of years ago to change my very perspective on life. You're not? Well, you should be. It's quite the funny story. You see, a couple of years ago people still called me Cassandra. Now they call me Cassidy and yes, I am sooo enjoying that confusion on your face.
Cassandra, Cassandra, oh my lovely flower Cassandra. I miss her or should I say me? I was quite the belle back then. My mother's genes blessed me with turquoise eyes and ash blond hair that I took great pleasure in wearing long. I'm proud to say that I was pretty, still am but let's stick to past tense for now. No need to complicate things just yet. You have to be pretty to win Miss Teen, now don't you? It's a fact of life. I told you I was quite the belle back then, popular too. I had every boy from here to Timbuktu after me but then again, I was still a girl then.
You can breathe, you know. You're likely to pass out if you don't. No, you didn't hear wrong. I was a girl. I liked guys, silk dresses and chocolate. Come to think of it, I still like those things but let's not go there for now. The first sixteen or so years of my life were rather carefree. All I had to worry about was school, makeup and guys and boy did I have to worry about guys. I drove my parents nuts. I had my first kiss on my thirteenth birthday which was followed by a mission to kiss every guy I know and some I don't know as well. Nearly succeeded too. Missed two or three guys that I know. So, I was fickle. Do you blame me? Belle of the ball, remember? Pretty, Miss Teen, any of this ring a bell? I was popular and life was good and yes the confusion on your face is still amusing.
Hey, don't glare at me. I'm getting to the point. Anyway, I was carefree and happy not thinking about deep, life changing things such as who I am. Life was perfect. I was Cassandra, Miss Teen, popular and a cheerleader, simple right? Well, it was simple back then, simple until a few weeks before my sixteenth birthday. That's when my life started to forget all about simple. Now, before I go any further I have to inform you that girls like to talk about everything and when I say everything I mean everything. Yes, you in the third row, second seat from the right, we even spoke about that. We spoke about how horny guys are and how stupid it is that they feel the need to masturbate. We even had a few giggles about wet dreams. It was funny, until I experienced it for myself, that is.
My life started to fall apart the morning I woke up aching. Now, it's not so strange to occasionally wake up with aches and pains due to sleeping wrong but this was an entirely different ache altogether. I woke up hard. Yes, don't look at me like that. Hmm, let's see, how to put it... Appendage, I can call it appendage, right? No? Good, appendage it will be. Anyway, my appendage was hard and aching but that wasn't the worst of it. No, the worst was still to come. My appendage was hard as a rock and when I reached out to touch it, it exploded in my face. Let me tell you, being hit with semen in the face, first thing in the morning, is not a pleasant experience.
Oh, now the confusion has reached its peak, hasn't it? You're thinking I was a cross dresser. Well I wasn't. Okay, maybe technically I was but let's avoid the technicalities just a little bit longer, just until you know more. I was honestly convinced I was a girl and even though my first wet dream seemed to indicate otherwise I decided to ignore it. Ignorance is bliss, right?
Now, you're thinking I'm very stupid. Don't try to deny it. Well I'm not. So I never thought it was strange that I have an appendage. Why would I? My parents told me I'm a girl and I believed them. Seriously, how many of you girls out there actually compare equipment? Not many, right? It's not a lady like thing to do, is it? Not even in public toilets seeing as we have little cubicles to give us privacy. The rest, I blame on a small town and the fact that I hate Biology. I dropped it as soon as I was allowed to which coincidentally was before we started on humans but I can tell you a little about locusts and growing beans in cotton.
Never mind, it's not important. The important thing is that I hit adolescence rather late. I mean, there I was, nearly sixteen years old, flat as a board with no 'that time of the month' worries. My girl friends were envious about the latter but not about the former. So I didn't have any of the things most girls my age did but I was delicate, small, petite, still am but that's not the issue. Or maybe it is. It's the reason why I never suspected anything. All the guys my age were bigger than me, hairy and had deep voices that would randomly squeak when they spoke.
Which brings me to my next order of business: my voice broke a week after my first, you know, wet dream. Now if that wasn't a dead give away that there was seriously something wrong with me, then I don't know what would be a dead giveaway yet still I chose to ignore it. It scared the crap out of me. Still does but maniacal laughter is not conductive to story telling so I'm going to ignore that fact for now.
I was forced to face the reality of my situation the day I passed out at home. My mother, being the worrier that she is, immediately drove me to the hospital where I awoke to sheer chaos. You see, it seems that technically, and yes, we are now finally approaching the technicalities here, I'm a hermaphrodite. The official medical term is intersex… Same difference.
Let me explain for those of you that have no idea what this means. Basically it means that I show signs of being both male and female and yes, though I would appreciate it if you got that mind of yours out of the gutter, it basically means that I have both male and female sex organs or more specifically had. It's definitely past tense now.
Now here's the killer. My parents knew all along that I was a hermaphrodite and never bothered to inform me. It was kind of hard for them not to know seeing as I was born with both um… we agreed to call them appendages, right? Apparently it was quite the shock to them. Frankly I don't give a damn. Just because they had a shock doesn't mean they had to pass it down to me. My mother says they didn't know how to tell me.
Putting all that aside, seeing as its all water under the bridge now, that was the day I found out I wasn't exactly normal. Just what every teenager wants to find out, isn't it? Hey honey, guess what, you're a freak! That definitely wasn't the best day of my life. Did I say day? If only.
I've learnt a lot since that day. Namely that it's usually easier to convert a hermaphrodite into a girl then it is into a guy. You know, it's easier to chop something off then it is to hide a hole. It's what the doctors told my parents when I was born and consequently played a big part in my parent's decision to raise me as a girl. They fully intended to send me for an operation to have me changed into a girl only it seems life got in the way of that great plan of theirs.
Oh, they gave me many excuses as to why I it wasn't done by my almost sixteenth birthday. Apparently I was a sickly baby, being small as I am, and it was dangerous to do it too early. Too early then became a vague term which ultimately culminated in them never getting round to it. Just like they never got round to telling me that girls don't exactly have the equipment I do. Yay me.
Alright, I admit it, it was a lot more complicated than that but I don't feel like going into it right now. Basically what I'm trying to say is that I found out I'm not who I thought I was. My admission into hospital was followed by a battery of tests. I've never been poked, prodded and stuck so many times in my life and it's an experience I don't care to repeat. The tests were followed by more tests which were then followed by operations, pain and discomfort. I spent months in the hospital being operated on, observed or treated and the result? Well the result of all that pain and agony was Cassidy.
Yeah, turns out my male organs were better developed than my female ones and seeing as puberty seemed to have decided my gender for me, I was turned into a guy instead of a girl. I repeat, yay me. Yes, that was sarcasm. Don't look at me like that. I never asked to be a guy. I was perfectly happy living my life as a girl. Popular, cheerleader and Miss Teen with all the guys from here to Timbuktu after me, remember?
Unfortunately that was a little over two agonising years ago and is now definitely a thing of the past. Now I must deal with Cassidy and the fact that my parents are sending me to a boy's boarding school in the hopes that I'll adjust to my new life as a guy. Yes, that makes me eighteen and because of all the damned operations and hormone therapy that I've been subjected to, an entire year behind my age group. As if my strange sex change weren't humiliating enough, I must now deal with a new school, a bunch of hormone crazy boy's that are younger than me and worst of all short hair. My mother made me cut my beautiful long hair and if I ever speak to her again, it'll definitely be too soon.
A/N: I know this is a controversial topic and I hope I haven't offended anyone. I hope that al least some of you will stick with me and this crazy story I have decided to write. Love you all and greatly appreciate your support.