I regret that I looked to you
as some great beacon of maturity,
a well-spring of love,
someone who thought
and felt
as I did.
The prayers of prey
are laughable
to that inhumane
lust-god
that devours
everything.
We shine with different lights,
bodies celestial
in the dark.
All you ever had to say was…
(I won't spoil the ending for you.)
This movie I know by heart
like the names of 30 men,
inconsequential but great.
Maybe you were one;
maybe there is no comparison.
You could trust me with anything
but had no intention
of making it a permanent thing.
Don't flatter yourself, believing
any of this
was ever for you.
You were my second choice;
I think that makes us even.
I am too young to act this old,
you are too old to feel this young –
we built this gulf ourselves
and we barely even wave
to one another.
"you should talk."
I know, and I try, and yet
deaf ears are my audience.
I waited for you
a second time
and disappointed myself
for being so foolish.
If you had wanted something else,
you would have made an excuse
to ask me (rather than tell me)
what was on my mind.

TMK 7/8feb2008