So here I am. And still I don't know where I am. Many years it took me to get here. Yet I can't say I've made much of myself. On the outside, staring in, I would say I was nothing. But how I yearn to be much more. And yet nothing doubled is still nothing. All these years to work at nothing. Makes no sense . Yet here I am. I wonder sometimes why. Yet I can't scrape together the feelings to care. I've grown numb in my stupor. I struggle to succeed in life. Dreams to fulfill, but no desire to work towards them. My happiness is at the end of my rainbow, but my rainbow has no end it seems. So here I am struggling towards an end I don't think I'll ever reach. Somehow what I want doesn't seem to matter so much as what those I love want. Still toiling for a dream that is not completely my own. So here I am. Here I am.