Dear Big Sis,

I love you. I want that to be your first thought okay? I love you I love you I love you. I think you need that stuck in your head. So that every time you wake up and every time you fall asleep and every time you feel like doing something like this again I want you to remember that.

And now I want to tell you how selfish and cruel you are. How could you? How could you try and kill yourself? That is the most selfish, spiteful, hurtful act you could have committed. So you're going to leave me, you're going to leave everything behind and leave me and Ross and your mom and Joe all behind? And you're going to leave Jared? So just because his life was cut short your going to cut yours short too?

You have a choice. You always have a choice. If your life is crappy make it better. You are the one with the power. You are the one who can change everything. And instead of turning it into something new you're just running away. That's some birthday present. Thanks Sis.

I want to slap you and hug you. I want you to understand how much it hurts and how betrayed I feel. What happened to the girl who helped me though my parents divorce? Who helped me when my mum and I would fight, who went out with me at eleven on a school night to buy ice cream because I broke up with my boyfriend. Where is the girl who smiled at me when she picked me up in her big truck and asked me if I wanted to go to town just for the hell of it? The girl who took me shopping. I miss her. The real one, the real you.

So I love you. I want that to always remain in your head, your first and last thought. There are people who love you and this is the most unfair thing you could ever do to them, to me, and to yourself.

Love,

Little Al, your little sis