I wanted to put this up yesterday, but under the circumstances...
Have a happy belated Anti-Valentine's Day.
And kudos if you catch all the references. ;)
The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
He never saw it coming.
On Valentine's Day of 2008
Cupid made a fatal mistake
He shot one of his arrows of love
Through the cold, cruel heart of Lilith Dove
Lilith was a hateful little witch
With the compassion of D. Berkowitz
She made the Grinch look like a saint
Her wrath could make Hitler faint
She had never felt love, no, not once
At best, she felt indifference
And so when love caught up with her
She felt sick, no, she felt disgusted-er
If that was a word (which it isn't).
Cupid didn't have a single clue
Just what he'd put Lilith through
All he knew, he'd done something right
To make her fall for Ashton Dwight
Now Ashton Dwight was a gentle soul
He was good, decent, patient, and droll
He always paid his taxes on time
And he always managed to spare a dime
The ladies loved him all through the land
But there was one thing he just couldn't stand
And that one thing was the fiendest of fiends
It was Lilith Dove, your most evil queen
Fiendest isn't a word, either.
So Ashton knew something was terribly wrong
When Lilith started to sing him love songs
And what's worse, he sang them back
Even though he couldn't sing worth jack
After the realization of this sickening state
Ashton and Lilith became rather irate
How DARE Cupid curse them so!
They'd break his wings- no, his bow
They plotted a plot until it was dark
And went on a stake-out outside the park
For they knew Cupid would be flying away
And then, oh then, they'd start the fray
In short: Cupid was doomed.
Now Cupid was flying across the night sky
When suddenly he heard a battle cry
Paralyzing fear struck him like lightning
After all, this situation was a bit frightening
Lilith was yelling, "YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!"
Ashton had an angry frown
The more evil of the two pulled out a gun
And Cupid was too scared to run
A piercing shot rang through the air
Then everything was silent and austere
Cupid's blood painted the grass
Lilith and Ashton knew they'd kicked his...
So children learn from Cupid's sad plight
You can't force true love- it just isn't right
And don't go near arrows- just stay away!
And have yourself a happy Anti-Valentine's Day.
Chocolates for all!