And the Gnashing of Teeth
The muffled, crackling voices of a dead and dying race whisper in my ears like the final rattle of a caged animal, exactly as it is and exactly as it was. The recordings bleed in through the airwaves, willful, arrogant, and narcissistic to an extreme. Their decay, though pitiful, is so difficult to pity, when throttled in to my thoughts at a near constant just inconsistent enough to prevent the sense of numbness I used to find so revolting. Every aspect of this noise -and to categorize it as much else would only serve to romanticize the subject- is utterly toxic. Even when drowned out, it serves to corrupt the sound it underlays, gnawing away at me from within and devaluing my surroundings. It is a terrible and magnificent beast, risen from a shallow grave to do not even its own bidding. Its will may be its own, but its actions are of the void, without sense or purpose from any perceivable angle. It certainly doesn't adhere to the will of its creators, or at least not their conscious will. Those voices are so layered and contrary that I can't say for sure that I can trust my own judgment as to the relationship between their motives and that of the void. I can only hope, out of some phantom remainder of my sense of idealism, that they are ignorant of their indiscriminately destructive vocalizations, or at least the results thereof. I find this hope improbable and unfounded, but it is hope, and needn't be either. It'd be pleasant to more whole-heartedly embrace this hope, but I am of probabilities and theories, not faith. I have no use for faith. None have use for faith. Being in the slightest bit reminded of the subject of faith whilst pondering that ill-begotten noise is likely to send me in to a fit of rage if I don't keep proper record of my doings and non-doings. Their relationship is so intricate and sadistic that I'd be doing myself a great psychological disservice to further explain. Therefore, I won't. In fact, it'd probably be in the best interest of all parties if I continued this deposition at a later time, a much later time.