My Sad Sorry Selfish Cry Out to the Cutter

(Ya, I got the title from a part in "I'm a fake" by the used)

Chapter 1: A Room to Share

Columbus, Ohio…

What the fuck am I doing here?

Oh yeah… I remember now

I flick my cigarette out to the parking lot from my 8th floor hotel room and inwardly sigh.

That damn mother of mine sent me here on a shitty holy retreat with our church.

Like hell if she thinks I'm gonna come back with gleaming eyes and overalls after doing this to me… I'm gonna make her pay.

I mean, why the hell does she consistently do this to me?! For the past… I count on my fingers to be sure… for the past 9 fucking years, my mom has been sending me to this "youth retreat", hoping I'd learn something out of it.

I DON'T want to learn!

She's just upset that all of her male friends want me! Not her! And I laugh at this. Probably because I should be disgusted at the fact that I have thirty something year old men getting boners from me.

I cringe; the knowledge of that just had its effect on me.

Just as I closed the window, I turned around to see one of the asshole supervisors smiling at me like I was some friend of his.

Okay. So I wasn't his friend. He just knew me since my first year here. I cry at the thought of being such a veteran.

I kept gawking at him, "can I help you?"

Probably from my ominous demeanor that hadn't so much as simmered over the years, the man's little smirk changed to a shit-his-pants look, "easy now kiddo, I just wanted to show a new camper his room."

What…the…fuck?!! For the many years I've been to this damn thing, I've never had to share a room with anyone. It'll probably be a little kid who wets his bed at night and whines about his "mama".

I shrugged my shoulders," so…ya gonna let him in?"

He snapped back to reality as if he had forgotten the reason he came here in the first place.

I stared at the doorway as he moved over and a slim figure moved into the room.

Oh… so this is my roommate… he was hot.

(So what, I'm gay)

I couldn't help staring at him, but when he looked up at me, I idiotically averted his gaze.

He made his way into the room, little by little, carrying two heavy ass bags, while I just stood there looking.

The man from before chuckled lightly and left the room; closing the door behind him.

What the fuck was that all about?


I sat down on the edge of the bed and watched the boy unpack his belongings into the drawers provided.

Damn, he was far beyond hot.

He most likely stood at 5'3".

Slightly tanned skin; the perfect complexion.

His eyes were a forest green.

He was a bit skinny, but I didn't mind.

And most of all, his hair was long in the front in a somewhat bang, but in the back, it was just a bit shorter and choppy. The color was black with red/ magenta streaks.

Now I see why they put him in a room with me. They didn't want to have to deal with another one of…"us". What are we exactly?

About 5 minutes had passed, and neither one of us had said one word to each other… I was about to change that.

Just as I was getting ready to make a fool of myself, I thought, "What the hell am I supposed to do? Walk over to him and say "hey buddy! Have butt secks with me naow…" hell no. shit… I'll just wait for now.

I threw myself back onto the bed and sang MCR's "ghost of you" in a tone that was hardly audible.

Obviously listening close enough, I heard him let out a small yawn.

It was cute. It reminded me of a new born puppy crying for the first time.

Argh! I couldn't take it anymore!
Without thinking of the outcomes, I sprang up from the bed and practically yelled, "Hey, my name's Derrick!"

Shit was the only thing that popped into my head.

Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why do I always do something stupid like this?!

"Uhh…," I couldn't think of anything to say next while he continued to stare at me.

God, he probably thinks I'm a dick.

I was actually relieved when he gave a smile and started laughing, "I'm Joseph."


The pang of shame that shrouded me had disappeared.

Thank you, Jesus.

Still laughing with Joseph I wondered," why the hell am I still laughing? I'm a mellow person… I don't laugh… unless it's at the misfortune of others…" I reverted back to my normal self and Joseph did too.

"So, what made you get here so late? You didn't ride the bus with the rest of us?" I had been so distracted by his appearance that I never paid attention to the fact that he got here 3 hours later than everyone else until now.

He let out a long but low sigh and sat on the bed next to me," nah… I don't really like buses and I definitely am not an openly people person. My mom drove me up here. It just took me some time cause I –"

He stopped talking dead in the middle of his sentence. I became a bit impatient.

"You what?"

He tried to brush it off by saying it was nothing, leaving it at that. I decided to lie off for now; I'll just bring it up later or something.

The way things were headed now, everything seems the same as when we first started.

I still felt like a total ass and I had no idea where we were heading. Plus, my roommate was hot.


Okay. Now, before you say anything, yes, this is a revised chapter.

In fact, I'm working on revising the entire story so I can finish it.

Actually, I'm quite excited about it. I've wanted to continue this story for almost 2 years now, and since summer vacation is starting, I finally have the opportunity. Plus, I've been fucking lazy.