In the Land of Harmony
By Mistress of Words
A Drop of Sun
Across the room he sits, like a drop of golden sun. His eyes like oceans, and his skin so soft and caramel. When he looks my way, I quickly turn my eyes away. My skin getting hot when I feel his eyes on my skin. Even though I'm not looking at him his stare makes my skin crawl.
Is it safe to look back?
As I turn around to face the front of the room, I met his eyes. Never had I
seen his eyes look at me, unless they were looking past me. Now that I was
experiencing the effect his eyes had on girls I wanted to run away, but like a
deer caught in the headlights, I was glued.
He smiled showing off his perfect white teeth. It was like looking into the sun, but yet you didn't need any sunglasses to look at him because he was so mesmerizing. Suddenly he got up and walked towards me. He sat down in the seat that was so close to me that you'd think we shared arms. I shuddered at the touch of his skin on mine. It was unusual to be this close to a boy.
"Hi it's...Kristi, right?" he asked smoothly
"Actually it's Christina." I replied softly
"Right, well anyways, I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me?" he asked, smiling his debonair smile
I stared at Westley in awe, wanting to pinch myself thinking this wasn't just happening. Westley was the hottest guy in the whole school, and I was what you called average. My dark soft hazel-eyes were dull compared to his live-wire greens. Boy was I the luckiest girl in the world.
"Well I'd love too but..." I started, really not believing this,
"Come on, it'll just be a movie." Westley cut in firmly
Before I could answer, the bell to go home rang. Reluctantly, I picked up my books and got up. As I turned to leave, a hand lightly touched my shoulders.
I looked up to find the cool eyes of my crush crashing down on me like tiny waves. Westley's eyes were so calming that his firm voice couldn't even spoil the moment.
"Stay." he said, in almost a whisper, in my ear
His words were like rose petals gently caressing my ears. Like a dog, I obeyed his command and sat back down in the chair. Westley turned my head slowly towards him, and again I was forced to swim in his eyes. It was when he began to talk that I knew I was drowning.
"Stay with me, please." he said softly.
"Westley...I don't know if this will work out..." I started slowly
Before I could finish my sentence, Westley leaned in for a kiss...
"Cut!!!" yelled, Bob, the director
"What's wrong with this scene, it was close to perfect?" I asked angrily
"You're too fast. You act like a teenage girl who really got a crush on this guy." Bob replied sighing
"Well he is my boyfriend." I thought smiling.
"Let's take a break, get into character. Remember you're a spy and this guy is your assignment...so treat him like it." Bob said, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
As Bob continued his rants at the extras, I sat down in my chair and looked out onto the set. I closed my eyes, trying to think of the last time I saw home. Everyday I wake up only to see the white washed walls, and the expensive, luxurious, furniture of my suite in Manhattan. Instead of the worn-out sheets, and the light blue walls of my room in " Sunny Florida."
Now that I finally decided to go back to work, life hasn't been all sunshine and blue skies. Make-up is always caked up on my face, and under the heat of the headlights it feels disgusting. And even though my boyfriend and I are working on this movie together, we don't see each other unless it's on set. What makes things worse is we can't or really shouldn't be talking to each other because of orders from our parents.
As I look over at Leo, a tiny feeling grew in the pit of my stomach. I wondered if he ever thought of me, the way I did him, or was the separation tearing us farther apart?
On set everything about him seem forced, and uninterested, as if he had something better to do. Now that I could finally sit here and think about it, Leo has changed. The way he walked, the way he talked around me, the cologne he wore, and the way he combed his hair. Yet I still loved him.
As if he could hear my thoughts, Leo began to make his way slowly towards me. His long black locks, bouncing dramatically, like he was in a movie with special effects. A golden light illuminated him, like rays from the sun.
I thought that once he was in touching distance, he'd embrace me in a passionate way and never let me go. But when he was in hearing distance, that's when my fantasy became reality.
"Your father is here." Leo said abruptly.
"What! How'd he..." I started angrily.
"You gave him a set pass didn't you?" Leo asked, eyes getting big.
"Well he was freaking about how he doesn't get to see me and all. Besides, he's been through a lot ever since my mom died." I replied sadly.
"Fran, it's bad enough that we have to sneak behind our parents backs just to be together. Your father doesn't like me...you have to get rid of him."Leo said sighing.
I gazed into Leo's eyes. Behind those beautiful oceans, lye something so ugly...fear. I wanted to hug him but I could tell he didn't want that. The distance between us was far too great. It was like he was afraid to touch me.
"Leo I can't just tell him to leave. I want both of you in my life. I don't want to lose either of you." I said softly, reaching for Leo's hand.
Leo shifted backwards, pain struck my heart. Did I do something wrong?
Did I say something wrong?
"It's not you Fran...its me. I wish you could understand what is happening to me...to you...to us." Leo said firmly.
"I understand that I must choose but you're asking me to give up my father. He is the only family I have left. He needs me." I replied sadly.
"This has nothing to do with your father being in your life, I swear. It's just that...I have changed. I see the world in a new light. I can't keep holding on to my old life." Leo explained sighing.
I took in Leo's words like a sponge. His words were like dirty water, so vile and disgusting, that my pores would be hard to clean out.
There was a hidden meaning in his words. I concentrated on his eyes intently. I wanted to find the definition of his words because they were so hard to comprehend.
His eyes flickered away from mine. Tears were welling up in his eyes, but they didn't fall. I could see his skin turning rose red. His emotion I couldn't tell. Was he angry or was he guilty?
But what would he be angry for and why would he feel guilty?
I got that he was changing. I got that the stuff that he had to endure in his life has changed him.
Did he feel sorry for making me wait for him these past months? For making me cry my soul dry?
He couldn't know of those days that I yearned to hear his voice only to get a painful look instead.
He couldn't know of how much I missed his touch. He couldn't know how much I loved him and how I much I couldn't live without him.
He couldn't know that he was my drop of sun.
It was impossible.
I parted my lips to say something but his eyes met mines before I could speak. We stared at each other for what seemed like hours but really it only could have been a second. I was able to decipher a pain that was so new to me that I was sure it wasn't even real. It was sorrow.
"We are not right for each other." Leo said harshly.
"What do you mean?" I asked painfully, looking into Leo's eyes.
As I look into Leo's eyes, I could still see that pain called sorrow. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. Five months ago this relationship seemed so right but now he acted as if it was entirely wrong.
Suddenly, without warning, Leo took my face in his hands. His head leaned in towards mine. At first I thought he was going to kiss me, instead his lips met my ear.
"Please stop hurting me." he whispered firmly.
I pulled away angrily. I wanted to punch him, kick him, stab him, kill him.
Stop hurting him? He obviously didn't know how I felt about him these past six months. He obviously didn't love me the way I loved him.
This whole time I had been in a love story all by myself. It just seemed so perfect. The way he use to talk to me. The way he used to kiss me. In my world full of darkness, he was my only light.
When he used to tell me he loved me, I knew he meant it. What he was saying to me now seemed to change all of that. Was his promises all mistakes to him? Was he sorry for loving me? Was I sorry for ever letting myself fall so severely in love with him?
No. Every moment we'd spent together was heaven.
He was my angel. He was the sun that lit my night skies.
I loved him. I still love him.
No matter what he says, I always will.
Tears fell from my face as I struggled to think about what was happening.
I parted my lips once more, hoping I would say something that would make Leo take back all his words. Something that would allow me to let me hold Leo and kiss him on more. Something that would end this nightmare.
"Look I can't handle this right now. We're supposed to be rehearsing for the movie." was all I could say.
Leo's eyes became watery, and as he turned away he said something so sharp and terrible that I felt as if I were stabbed with a knife.
He said "It's over."
So badly had I wanted to run after Leo, and beg him to be mine again. But my feet remained planted on the soft blue carpet, as my drop of sun walked away. It was like all the light was taken from me, only to be replaced with darkness.