Title: We'll Go Together
Summary: "...I would much rather be with you in death than be without you in life..."
Rating: T for mentions of suicide and same-sex relationships.
A/N: So... my first story up, and yes, deals with a homosexual relationship. The conversation at the beginning IS based on a conversation I have had, but beyond that, it is all fiction, and not based on true events. I love getting feedback, so don't be shy in telling me what you think. Other than that, please, enjoy...
We'll Go Together
They sat under the stars, wrapped in each others arms; their warmth, their love. A young couple, on a warm summer night, completely in love.
"I love you," Kristie whispered into the night. "So much."
Ashley smiled, and tilted her head to meet Kristie's lips with her own. "Me too," she answered against her girlfriend's mouth. "More and more each day."
Kristie kissed Ashley's cheek and lay down, bringing Ashley with her, so they were both lying under the cloudless sky, more intertwined than before.
Ashley laid her head down on Kristie's chest and sighed happily. "I love being with you," she said. "And I can't imagine my life without you." She sat up abruptly, startling Kristie before moving swiftly to hover above her girlfriend, a serious look in her green eyes.
"What is it?" Kristie asked, softly running her hands along Ashley's arms.
"I can't live without you," Ashley answered. "I can't. It's physically impossible for me to do it."
Kristie felt tears well up in her eyes. "Baby… listen to me. You won't ever have to. I'll always be here with you. Always…"
Ashley's emotions came up within her, and her anguished tears began to fall. "But you can't promise me that!"
"I promise never to leave you," Kristie said, in the hope of calming Ashley down.
"I don't mean it like that," Ashley said. "I could live if you were with someone else. I wouldn't be happy, of course. I'd be broken and empty, but I would still be living. I mean, if I lose you, I won't be able to live, let alone move on."
Kristie grabbed Ashley's shoulders and shook her gently. "Stop! You don't know what you're talking about! You don't know –"
Ashley interrupted her. "No. I do know what I'm talking about. And know that if you go, I go with you."
Feeling her heart break, Kristie's tears finally fell. "…Ashley… how – how would you come with me?"
Ashley's eyes were cold and dead as she answered, "I think you know how."
Kristie's hand flew to her mouth. "Ashley, no! Please… please… no… you can't do that… you can't die…" She let go of Ashley and collapsed into tears, repeating Ashley's name over and over.
Ashley was crying now too, and hiccupped. Through her tears, she said, "You can't promise nothing will happen to us. You can't. We don't know what tomorrow will bring us." She grabbed Kristie's hands and held them tightly to her.
Kristie spoke quietly, "Promise me this, Ash: if I die, whether it be tomorrow, next week, next month or next year, promise me you will move on. Promise me you will find someone who loves you, someone who will take care of you when I'm gone. Promise me."
Ashley dropped Kristie's hands and shook her head sadly. With downcast eyes, she whispered, "No."
"Why not? Why can't you promise me?" Kristie asked angrily.
"Because I can't," Ashley answered. "I can't live without you. If you die, Kristie, I die too. Physically, yes, I will still be alive, but I'll only be a shell of what I am today, of what I am with you. And I would much rather be with you in death than be without you in life. You're my everything."
Kristie stared at her sadly. "Ashley… you can't do that. I will not be responsible for your death. You can't do that…"
"You would never know if I did anyway!" Ashley retorted.
Kristie took a deep breath and pulled Ashley back into her arms. "Look, sweetie, chances of either one of us dying in the near future are pretty slim. And it's a touchy subject that bothers us both. So let's just drop it, okay? Can we forget about it for now and go back to having a good time?"
Ashley managed a small, sad smile. "I guess so."
Kristie's smile was bigger, making the one on Ashley's face expand as well. The two girls laid back down in silence, ready to continue their forgotten stargazing. The subject of either of their deaths, or anyone else's, for that matter, was not spoken of again.
Before falling asleep that night though, both girls made a promise to each other to forget fully that their painful conversation ever occurred…
I know I promised her that I would forget about the conversation that night. But… I didn't. I couldn't. I wouldn't.
It's her birthday today. She would have been twenty-one. Completely legal in every country. We had planned years ago to take a road trip. All over the US we were going to go. Los Angeles, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Chicago, New York… wherever the hell we felt like going, really. I'm not going to go alone, so I guess that dream is broken, along with thousands of others since then.
"Ashley, how are you feeling today?" Glenda, my therapist, comes into my hospital room.
"Not very well," I answer. "I think I'm failing."
The look on her face says all I need to know. I am failing, and I'll get to be leaving soon… and not in the way people want to.
Glenda has been with me for the last six months, since my third suicide attempt over Kristie's death. She's a sweet older lady who kind of reminds me of Glenda the Good Witch from Oz. Except, my Glenda isn't magic, like the one from Oz is. She can't save me.
Kristie died two years ago. We were driving home from a quiet night out together when we were hit by a drunk driver. She died on impact, while I survived with two broken legs.
I was in the hospital for almost three weeks after that, and back not even after a month later, for treatment of my slashed wrists. Now after my third attempt, I'm in the hospital with leukemia. The doctors found it after I was rushed in on a drug overdose. I told Kristie I couldn't live without her, and it looks like I can't.
They've been giving me treatment, but it's not working. I know my time is coming, and all I can hope for is that I get to see Kristie again. I've finally convinced my parents I won't attempt suicide again. Death is looming over me, and if I'm just a little more patient, it will come. I intend to wait it out this time, though.
Boy, will Kristie be surprised to see me, if there is an after life. She'll want to know every little detail of everything that has happened since she left. I hope she won't be mad that I've come to be with her. I told her I couldn't live without her…
I can feel my body getting weaker as the days go by. Especially today. Maybe it's finally my time to go… Soon I'll be with her, my one and only love…
Blackness comes over me, and I feel it closing in. Death has finally moved from his corner to hover over me, and I'm not afraid to let go. I take one last look at my friends and family that have come to me in my last moments before letting go.
The blackness swallows me completely, and it's all I can see for what feels like forever. But gradually, through the darkness I see Kristie, holding out her hand to me. Tears well in my eyes as I reach out to her. She intertwines her fingers with mine, and whispers, "Ashley, I love you."
I smile sadly and reply, "I know. I love you too. And I told you, I can't live without you."
Kristie stays quiet as she guides me through the darkness with gentle tugs on my hand every so often. Gates appear in the distance suddenly, and they're bathed in a golden glow, and I think, This must be Heaven.
Then, with a gentle kiss, she whispers, "Then we'll go together," before pulling me through the now-open gates into the after world, and back into her arms.
-- End --