This is an assignment for my creative writing class, and feedback would be much appreciated.
One of Those Days
It was one of those days. Y'know, the days where as soon as you get home, you want to beat the crap out of anyone who gets in your way, storm in your room, and listen to loud, angry music while writing a long, angst-filled rant.
Or maybe that's just me.
This whole ugly mess started in English when me and my friend (and true love, even if she doesn't know it yet) Fiona were working on our collaboration project for NaNoWriMo, which is basically a race to get to write a novel of fifty-thousand words in one month. We had a basic idea of what we wanted to write; it was a story about a spaceship named the Starship Jellyfish and how they were trying to save the galaxy from Plutonians.
That's where we started to disagree.
Fiona wanted everybody except the doctor- Quigley- to die. I thought the whole idea was ridiculous because that was such a depressing ending. Call me idealistic, but I like happy endings.
We got into a big fight over it (the words "stupid," "unrealistic," and "cliché" were involved) and we stopped talking to each other, which pretty much killed me once I'd realized what my stupidity and stubbornness had gotten me into. After all, I like Fiona a lot, and her not talking to me was the very opposite of what I wanted.
I was incredibly frustrated by the whole thing, as you might imagine. So in biology when we were talking about genetics and Mr. Whittaker asked me asked what inherited traits were, I had to be stupid and say, "Inherited traits are things you have no control over, like your hair or eye color, as opposed to things like being stupid and useless, much like this subject and certain people who are too stubborn to see reason."
It wasn't until the entire class started staring at me in shock that I realized what I'd done. The only two people who didn't look completely stunned were my so-called best friend Evander, who was laughing, and Fiona, who kept staring at me in such a way that I knew I'd gone too far. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…
And that's how I landed myself in detention with one of the scariest seniors I've ever met.
Her name was Georgina, a girl who was infamous for losing her temper and decking anyone who smarted off about her or her friends or family. She'd had her fair share of detentions- practically a veteran- and had been spending the first fifteen minutes staring at the ceiling. It was unnerving how she didn't blink at all.
I just kept thinking, Avoid eye contact and she'll leave you alone. You only have to fear for your life for another forty-five minutes. Nothing to be worried about… even though she could probably kill you with her pinky.
"So what're you in for?"
I looked over hesitantly and saw Georgina looking at me like I was some mildly interesting movie. I swallowed hard, scared to death that if I said the wrong thing, she would suck out my soul. "Um, I, uh, I just ki-kinda sn-snapped in sci-science."
I know what you're thinking, and I order you to shut the (heck) up.
Georgina nodded slowly. "One of those days, huh?" She smiled faintly.
I nodded silently.
She laughed lightly. "You new to detention?" she asked. I was wondering by the tone of her voice if she was patronizing me or trying to make me calm down.
If she was going for calming me, it was so not working.
I nodded again and in attempts to make her think I was perfectly relaxed despite me constantly stuttering, I asked, "So-so what'd you do?" Hey. Only one stutter that time. Sweet.
"Beat up a guy who made fun of my friend." She sniffed casually as if it her actions were completely justified. In her mind, they probably were.
We were quiet for another fifteen minutes or so when she spoke up again. She must have been really bored, considering I was two, maybe almost three years younger- a measly sophomore. "So what's your name, anyways?"
I answered warily, "Um, Benny."
She laughed, which I didn't get, because there was nothing funny about my name. OK, so maybe it sounded like a cartoon character's name, but it wasn't like I was the only Benny in school. I shared my name with lots of guys. Ben Carter, Ben Sparrow, Benjamin Delasey, and the list goes on.
OK, give me a break! "Benny" isn't cute! It's… it's… tough… and manly… and it invokes fear into the hearts of the few enemies I have. My name is so completely hardcore that-
Stop laughing at me! I know you are!
Georgina grinned. "I'm Georgina." It was like I'd never heard of her, which was quite impossible. Everybody knew Georgina. She was like Éowyn and everybody who ticked her off was the Witch King.
…OK, weird comparison.
I smiled weakly and nodded once to acknowledge her.
How much longer? I checked the clock. Twenty minutes. That wasn't so bad. Although I wasn't looking forward to what my parents would say when I got home. I could hear it now…
"Benjamin Daniel Petry, would you care to explain why you were in detention?"
"It was that Evander boy, wasn't it? See, Tobias? That boy is a bad influence!"
"Benjamin, I suggest you get up to your room while we decide on your punishment."
"Holy crap, I haven't-"
"Benjamin Daniel! Watch your language!"
"Listen to your mother."
Yep, I was pretty much in for it when I got home. Maybe I could lie. Maybe I could drop by Evander's after I get out of this prison. I could tell him to back me up when I told my parents I'd gone over to his house after school, and that's technically true…
"You look a little pale."
Georgina's voice brought me back to the cruel reality that I had indeed gotten into a stupid fight about who should die and then talked back to a teacher and was now in detention with my relatively clean record probably ruined forever…
"Hey. There's only five minutes left."
"Hallelujah," I mumbled, staring up at the ceiling and waiting for that blessed moment when I was free again.
I must have fallen asleep because I started thinking that when the bell rang, a giant bell monster would come and eat me and then Fiona would be riding it and yelling, "Death to all!" Meanwhile, Evander would be watching from the sidelines, filming the whole thing.
With friends like that…
"Hey, wake up." Georgina smacked my arm lightly, and I found that the desk was wet along with the side of my face. I was so classy. "We can go."
We can go? "Glory be and hallelujah!" I breathed as I scrambled out of the desk, grabbed my backpack, and bolted towards the classroom door. I raced for the front doors, but as soon as I got outside, I ran right into Fiona (why she was going back to that place of doom, I have no idea). And I mean that literally.
I was stunned. As if fighting for our characters' lives in spite of what she wanted wasn't enough to tick her off, this had to happen. So while I just stared at her and started to feel an unwanted heat on my cheeks, she snapped.
"Benny, what the heck! You want our characters to live, but you have no problem taking me out!" Fiona scowled at me as she pushed herself up.
I was half-tempted to say that I indeed had no problem taking her out (hooray for double meanings), but I was too upset to say anything, so I just laid on the ground while my ladylove stormed into the school, no doubt embarrassed and angry with me.
Yep. One of those days.
Have some cupcakes. :)