Laura

She's seventeen, has short, dark brown (almost black), curly hair and blue eyes. She can imitate a guinea pig perfectly. Her room is a neon pink color. She's a sugar addict like me. She copies almost everything I do. When she's mad, she will threaten to have you arrested. She's extremely affectionate and prone to dramatics. When we were younger, she had a habit of dragging out every stuffed animal we had and lining them up in a perfectly straight row either on the floor or on the table.

Oh, and she's autistic.

My sister Laura is almost exactly a year and a half younger than me; I was born on March 19, and her birthday is September 21. She's one of the most amusing people I know, and this is why I present you with these stories.

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There is one moment I will never forget because it's just that funny. Our mom brought home fast food and Laura had some fries. Dad asked, "Laura, do you need some ketchup?"

Laura nodded. "Yes." She turned to me and ordered, "Carissa, go get some ketchup."

I laughed and said, "Yes, my queen."

Here's the punch line!

Laura laughed as if the idea of her being a queen was ridiculous. "I'm not a queen! I'm a princess."

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My dad remembers Laura's first word- "Fries."

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Like I said before, Laura will copy pretty much anything I do. Being a complete dork, I'm constantly at the computer either writing, copying things from my notebooks to Microsoft Word, playing solitaire, avoiding doing homework, or sending an obscene number of bumper stickers on Facebook. Laura sees me doing this and so she's also constantly at her computer.

One day we were both writing and our parents were watching Return of the King in the next room. If you've seen RotK, then you'll remember the hobbits' drinking song. As soon as that came on, Laura and I jumped out of our chairs, went into the living room, and started to sing along.

"You can search far and wide

You can drink the whole town dry

But you'll never find a beer so brown

But you'll never find a beer so brown

As the one we drink in our hometown!

You can drink your fancy ales

You can drink them by the flagon

But the only brew for the brave and true

Comes from the Green Dragon!"

As soon as the song was done, we retreated back to the computers.

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Laura has a boyfriend in the AI classroom at school named Jacob, and you can often hear her talking about how they're going to be married, but only after Jacob finishes college.

But she also loves and looks up to my friends Kassy, Kirstin, Kelly, and Steph. The following is a frequent conversation because it amuses me so.

"Hey Laura, who do you like better, Kassy or Jacob?"

"Umm… Kassy."

"Do you like Kirstin more than Jacob?"

"Yes."

"How about Kelly?"

"Yes."

"Steph?"

"Yes…"

"Do you like me better?"

"Ummmmm… no…" She'll start laughing here.

"Laura!"

"Yes!"

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This is another frequent conversation between me and Laura.

"Laura."

"What?"

"Laura."

"What?"

"Laura!"

"What!"

"Laura!"

"What!"

"Hi."

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Sometimes Laura hangs out with me and my best friends, and on one occurrence, we (being me, Kirstin, and Laura) were driving to Kassy's house.

The only problem was I was giving directions and I couldn't remember what street Kassy lived on.

So here's Kirstin practically speeding, Laura in the backseat yelling, "Whoa!", and me sitting shotgun and guessing, "It's this one!"

Kirstin started to pull down the road.

"No! Wait! It's not this one!" I saw the next road. "It's this one!"

It took me three tries to remember the street. By that time, Kirstin had swerved in and out of each street and Laura was yelling, "WHOOOA!"

When Kirstin spun into Kassy's street, she went so fast that Laura yelled, "WHOA, SLOW DOWN, YOU FOOL!"

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Laura has a habit of bringing up extremely awkward conversation topics. We were at Red Robin the other day for a birthday party (mine- nineteen on the nineteenth!) with my dad's side of the family and our grandma and aunt Ginny came. Our grandpa died a few months ago and Laura's still processing it. So she asked Grandma, "Grandma, where's Grandpa?"

There was a pause and then Grandma carefully answered, "Grandpa died, so he's not coming."

"Oh."

Grandma laughed, so that makes it funny.

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Laura is terrified of the color green (we have no idea why). We got a message from her teacher yesterday saying how she was freaking out because more than half the school was wearing green because of St. Patrick's day. She said that she was going to have him arrested, sent to prison, and fined.

Another time a few months ago, our cousin Amy and aunt Paula came to visit from Colorado. Amy's sister Stephanie is getting married in June, and at that time, Amy said Steph wanted green bridesmaids dresses. Everybody in our family knows of Laura's animosity against that particular color, so being a little sadistic and wondering what her reaction would be, we showed Laura a picture of the green dresses.

And you know what that girl said?

"Oh, that's beautiful!"

I swear that girl is completely mental.

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Laura-isms (I'm warning you now, her grammar isn't that great)

"How come you're not so cute?"

"We're going to graduate, and then we get a trophy!"

"Squeeze-hug!"

"(Insert unintelligible Japanese phrase here)."

"Carissa's going to be my sister."

(In reply to the question "How old are you going to be?") "I'm going to be seventeen." (It's funny because she's already seventeen).

"You got to be nice, you're be arrested!"

(In reply to someone holding something green and then asking what color it is) "It's… er… gr… red."


This was brought on by a suggestion my friend made to tell about what it's like to live with Laura. To be honest, Laura is usually really happy, but there are some days when you just do not want to tick her off. Otherwise she'll have you arrested. :)

French fries for all.