May 20th, 2008

(After 1st Period)

Marshall: Hey guys, guess what Mr. Hayes did last period? There was a spider on the floor and…

Mike: Did he squish it, Marshall?

Marshall: YES!! I couldn't believe it! Just crushed him like that! He could've had me pick him up and put him out the window or something, but he had to be so violent and just stomp on him!

Me & Mike: (blank stares)

Marshall: That spider probably flew here on a 747 from the Amazon! He was probably gonna go home to his spider-wife-and-kids, his spider-friends, and his spider-TV and talk about all the spider-immigration-issues, and the…


Brianna: I was watching this documentary on the cheapest people in America, and this guy brought his wife home some flowers… guess where they came from?

Me: Where?

Brianna: The Cemetery!

Me & Maria: ACK!

Brianna: I know! I'm not even sure what I'd do if my husband did that for me! I'd rather get a dandelion than flowers stolen off someone's grave!

(During 5th Period- English)

Mike: (walks into the room) SPOILER! Paul dies! (referring to the end of All Quiet on the Western Front, in which Paul is the narrator)

Leéza: Wait, then how was the book written?

Me: (pretending to quote the end of the book) "Then, I die… THE END!" (pauses) "Oh, BTW, Germany loses."


Mr. Foster: Okay, who wants to read the answer to the Daily Grammar?

Leéza: (hand shoots up)

Mr. Foster: Okay, Leéza.

Leéza: (reading the answer to the Daily Grammar) "Jesse James is probably America's most notorious outlaw."

Mr. Foster: Good, because he was famous, but he was famous in a negative way.

Leéza: Um, Mr. Foster, this is gonna sound really weird, but didn't Jesse James marry Sandra Bullock?

(After we Finished AQWF the book)

Mr. Foster: Notice how the entire way through the book, it's written in 1st person, but at the end it switches to 3rd. Why?

Leéza: Because Paul dies!

Kara: Wait, Paul dies or the author dies?

Random Students: (forehead slaps)

(In 6th Period, Civics

Mrs. Faunce: Does anyone want to read their letters to the class? (we were assigned to write a letter to an imaginary Cuban pen pal explaining the American economy to their communist society) How about Angela?

Angela: (reluctantly) Okay. (pauses) Dear Rosita.


Mrs. Faunce: (waves hand so she'll continue) Go on.

Angela: I'm going to tell you about our American economy.

(stops again)

Mrs. Faunce: (waves hand)

Angela: We live in a capitalist society.

(stops again)

(this continues until…)

Mrs. Faunce: Okay Angela, that's good. Now, Eric, do you want to read yours?

Eric: Yeah! Okay, Dear Martino-Juan-Bonito-Pablo-Gomez-Gloria… (continues for approximately half a minute) …Chavez…

(after Eric finishes)

Mrs. Faunce: Okay, Leéza, you want to read yours?

Leéza: Dear Fidel Castro…

(During a Fire Drill During Civics)

Girl: (points to my jeans zipper)

Me: (looks down) OH, I'M SORRY GUYS, MY FLY'S UNDONE!

Leéza & Mike: Um, Jocelyn…?

(On the Way to 7th Period)

Mike: I'm totally gonna rub it in Mr. Haning's face that Georgia lost!

Leéza & Me: Why?

Mike: Because he was all, "Georgia's gonna win," when they were only 3 points ahead. He should know that basketball games are always full of streaks.

Leéza & Me: (nods of agreement)

Mike: There's always an 11 point streak, then the other team goes on a 15 point streak… There's always a whole bunch of runs through the entire game.

Leéza: Wow, this sounds weird, here we all are talking about streaks and runs…

(Walking to Civics, Still)

Mike: Leéza, why are you always thinking like that?

Leéza: You guys have to understand, my mind is always going.

Mike: Yea, she's always running, but there's never really any friction… the gears just kind of slide past each other…

(In Geometry)

Me: Gosh, Jessie, do you know what the dictator of Cuba's name is?

Jessica: Oh—oh! Jeez! I can't remember…

(ponders of a couple of minutes)

Oh, I'll remember when I'm not thinking about it…

(10 minutes later)

Jessica: CORTEZ!! (awkward silence) Oh, wait, that's the guy that discovered the Aztec or something…