Just a fun little satire I wrote for English class making fun of books geared for teenage girls.
Dumb Chick Lit
By Rippling Iris
Joanie McDonald entered her new high school and instantly knew that nothing would be different. Nobody knew who she was but they all shot her nasty and condescending glares. She wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. She thought Robert Redford High School would be better, but she was not so lucky. She hugged her books closer to her chest and her way to her first class.
Four obnoxious but popular girls decided to make Joanie's life Hell on Earth even though they had no reason not to like her. I mean, Joanie was smart, skinny, pretty and friendly, but her virtues meant nothing to these preppy harpies. Their names were Britney, Whitney, Tiffany and Caitlyn, and they were totally identical except for their hair color. They decided that because Joanie was new and shy, she was worse than dirt and it was their job to tell her so every day.
However, Joanie did manage to make one friend—a loner, punk/art freak named Bridgett. For some reason, Joanie only made friends with her even though they had absolutely nothing in common and didn't really like each other.
In the first week of school, Joanie fell down six times, dropped her lunch tray four times, got laughed at thirty five times and got groped by several skeevy yet popular boys. She also fell in love with the only decent guy in the entire school. His name was Derek and he was totally HOTT and muscular and popular. He was captain of the football team, but he was also very sensitive and appreciated art and poetry. He was the only one who saw Joanie for who she was: a perfect/tragic/misunderstood girl.
But Joanie didn't know what to do, because her past kept on haunting her. At her last school she had been branded a slut and a whore, but none of the rumors were true. However, her reputation and self-esteem had been crushed. Also, her parents didn't understand her. They just went to work and watched TV instead of acting like real parents who actually care. Despite her emotional distress and confusion, she thought it would be a good idea to accept sexy Derek's invitation to a drunken party.
Joanie had never had a beer in her life before, but she thought it would be fun to drink three in quick succession. She danced with Derek but he mysteriously disappeared after. Joanie was then almost raped by one of the skeevy yet popular guys, but Derek showed up and saved her.
After that horrifying experience, Joanie decided it was time to get some therapy. Derek became her HOTT boyfriend and all her problems were solved. Britney, Whitney, Tiffany and Caitlyn were totally jealous, and Joanie had a perfect life.The End
I hope you all felt this was an accurate description of your high school life (cough gag). Review if you enjoyed it at all. I know I enjoyed writing it. Not meant to offend anybody, just a crappy genre of books...also not meant to offend people those kinds of books, I've read plenty of them (enough to know what fomula they follow).