The decision I had reached was difficult. No, scratch that – it was impossible. I loved her so much. She was my sun and I orbited her. Without her I would die. Yet, with me in her life she was endangered and, as such, it was necessary to let her go.
The phrase 'sometimes loving someone is letting them go' sprung to mind.
As much as it hurt, I knew it was the right choice.
I was brutal about it. I slashed at her heart hoping to make her hate me. But all I achieved was making her cry. She didn't believe I could be so cruel.
I could be worse.
Did I dare be worse?
When she yelled "Don't leave me, Emma!" I realised I had to be cruel to be kind. It was too soon to turn back.
"You know what, Amy?" I yelled, my voice cracking slightly. "You weren't even good sex!"
I watched her steady herself against the porch in agony. My agony was mental, not physical, and it cut me deeper than any wound.
I ran away, quickly, to avoid her seeing the pain I was in. The self-inflicted pain was flowing through me freely and my eyes were streaming with tears. I sobbed and stumbled as I practically crawled to my home.
I had read about heartbreak, about the pain it could cause, but I never knew it could be this severe. My chest ached and my throat felt constricted. My head hurt from the crying and my heart was pounding.
I touched my shirt with my hand, running the fabric through my fingers. It was hers and even though I'd had it for so long it still smelt of her brand of perfume. I inhaled the scent like an intoxicant as I went into my house. Liam caught my arm as I entered and I looked round at him. "Leave me be," I whispered, moving his hand and going into my room, bolting the door shut behind me and lying flat out on my bed to cry.
I wanted nothing more than to go back to her and grovel, to apologise for all the lies I'd told, all the things I'd said, but though my heart was telling me to, my brain was telling me the opposite. Leave her be, it said repeatedly, let the wounds heal over time.
A knock on my door and I sat up, unbolting it and letting a concerned Liam in. He sat on the end of my bed with me and put his arm round my shoulder, rocking me, gently.
"Em? What's wrong?" he said, softly.
"We broke up," I said.
"Why? What happened?"
"It was all my fault she got hurt …" I cried. "All my fault …"
"Emma, it wasn't your fault," he lied. "It was no one's fault. Jess is just a bitch."
His lies were so sweet against my ears. They gave me hope. But soon their feeling wore off.
"It was my fault," I said again.
"It wasn't," he said. "It wasn't your fault."
I leaned my head against his chest and closed my eyes, fooling myself into thinking it was Amy's heart beating I could hear, not his, and soon I fell asleep.
I woke to a loud banging on the front door. I found myself tucked warmly under the sheets. I looked up at the clock to see it was nine o'clock in the morning. I rubbed my eyes and sat up to remember what had happened the night before.
Fighting off the urge to cry again, I stood and left my room, picking my way to the front door. I guessed Liam was out for a run outside. He'd be back soon. I opened the door to see Amy outside.
"What do you want?" I said in the most horrible tone I could muster.
"I'm leaving," she said, shattering my heart. "Tonight."
"So?" I bit my lip to keep from crying out.
She looked at her feet and I longed to reach out and hold her. "I just thought …" she said.
"You thought I'd have changed my mind?" I suggested, rudely. "That your little cliché would change my mind?" I didn't want to say what I was saying, but it was too late to back off now.
She shook her head. "I just …"
"Leave, Amy," I said, closing the door. "Get out of here." I hoped I hadn't hit her nose with the door. I hurt to shut it on her.
I went back into my room and climbed back into bed, screwing my eyes shut as hard as I had just screwed up my life.
My door opened a few minutes later and Liam came in. I pretended to be asleep, but he saw through it. He pulled off the covers and pulled me up to a sitting position rather roughly.
"Are you stupid?" he snarled at me.
"What?" I replied, fighting back tears.
"Are – you – stupid?"
I shook my head. "Not last time I checked, no."
"You could have fooled me," he said.
"What's this about?" I said, though I already knew.
"This is about Amy. She's leaving on a plane, tonight, you know. Half nine she gets on a plane and she's gone, never to return." My eyes watered but I said nothing. "Emma," he said in a softer voice. "She says if you come to her she won't leave." I looked away. "Emma, listen to me," he said, shaking me gently. "Her kind comes round once in a lifetime. Don't throw her away. I wouldn't."
I realised at that moment that he had fallen in love with her through me and my stories of our antics. I looked up at him, sadly, feeling deeply sorry for him. "What's done is done, Liam. You want her so bad, go get her yourself."
"She loves you, not me!" he yelled.
I snapped at that moment and shoved him roughly away. "Leave me alone! Just leave me alone!" I screamed.
"Not until you listen to me," he yelled back, grabbing my shoulders. "She loves you."
I shook my head and covered my ears with my hands. "Leave me alone!" I screamed again.
He threw up his hands in despair and left the room, slamming the door behind me. I cried out with all the pain I was feeling and buried my face in my pillow to sob some more.
At nine o'clock Liam came in again. He woke me, roughly. "Emma!" he yelled.
"What?" I replied, wiping my tearstained face.
"It's nine o'clock. You have to go."
"Go where?" I asked him.
"To the airport to stop the love of your life leaving!" he told me.
"Read my lips, Liam. It – is – better – she – leaves – here," I said slowly and calmly.
"And if she kills herself? Is that better?"
My heart stopped and I grew cold all over as I sat up in bed. "What?" I breathed.
"She loves you with every fibre of her being, Emma. She loves you deeply and truly. Do you really see her living without you there?" he said.
I blinked away tears. "She has to … if she died … I'd … I'd …"
"You wouldn't know, Emma!" he told me. "You'd never know that she'd lost the will to live." He looked across at the rapidly ticking clock.
I sat in silence for a long moment. "Liam …" I said, softly.
"What have I done?"
My heart was breaking all over again. The thought she could die because of me … it killed me inside. I wiped away the tears dribbling down my face and looked up at him. "I can't get there in time …" I whispered. "I'll have already missed her by the time I walk there."
"Emma, use your head for once in your life," Liam said, tapping my skull. "Angie will give us a lift."
"Us?" I said, getting up.
"What?" He snorted. "You think I'd risk you changing your mind?"
I smiled a genuine smile at him as he ran out of the room to wake my older sister. By the time I got out to the car she was already outside, running down the path with her keys. She pressed the button and the lights flashed to tell me the car was open. I hopped in the back and put on my seatbelt. Liam got in next to me and Angie got in the driver's seat, starting the engine and driving off as fast as she could without incurring a ticket.
My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sweating. I felt Liam reach out and take my hand with his, smiling at me, reassuringly. I smiled back. The traffic on the road to the airport was dense and depressing. We got there at nine thirty-one and as soon as we pulled up Liam and Angie both shouted "Go!"
I opened the door and jumped from the car, not even bothering to close it behind me. I waited for the revolving door to get to me and I stepped in and then out again the other side. I ran through the lobby and looked for the plane Liam had told me it was.
Time was ticking by too fast and I couldn't find the right place to go. By the time I found the correct area the doors had begun to close and I was trapped on the wrong side.
"No!" I yelled as I ran towards them, hoping to slide through at the last minute like in some sort of dramatic movie. I might have made it, too, if a woman hadn't had put her arm out at the last minute.
I cried out and ran to the window to watch the plane take off. I felt arms encircle my waist and a voice whisper in my ear 'I couldn't leave you behind', but when I looked round I realised it was just my imagination. My wishful thinking. I ran over to the desk.
"Please!" I said to the woman behind it. "I have to get on that plane. My girlfriend … she's on it."
She looked me up and down. I looked small for my age; sixteen at the oldest, and that alone made her think I was just a troublemaker. She sneered at me. "We can't stop the plane once it's begun to take off. Your best bet is to wait for her to come back."
I cried out again and fell to my knees. "She's not coming back," I moaned.
I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I looked round with my last shred of hope, but it was just Liam. He looked down at my tear streaked face and lifted me onto my feet, putting his arms around me. I slammed my fist into him yelling 'why' over and over again then burying my face in his chest to cry.
Through my sobs I aimed four words at Amy, though I knew she couldn't hear.
"I will find you!"
Author's Note:Although this is the final chapter of 'A New Kind of Love', this isn't the end of Amy and Emma's story and will be continued in another story coming soon. Thanks for reading and reviewing :