Some Semblance of a Sense of Self

Terminally
Unquestionably
Irresistibly
Forever questioning reality
Morality
Finality
Mortality
Fidelity
Seeking the advantages of insanity

Where lies the line between the this and the that?
I see the lines between the sidewalk and its cracks
But its never been quite possible for me to keep track
Of the things that I'm not sure if I see
Things outside things

Sonic blurbs of prophetic waking dreams
Sounds understood, I didn't hear
Everything's exactly as it seems
And it seems just as I feared
Far too intricate for me to steer

It bobs its head
It wags its tail
It begs for attention
It hides away

Find me in my bedroom
Trying to remove this human costume
I just wouldn't want to embarrass myself in public

Find me in the restroom
Doing what one might presume
But contemplating natures logic

And I'd like to be invisible for one day
And I'd like to be unmissable the next day
I'd like to live in and out of every phase
But only choosing every other day

And this is not the logic of a normal human being
No, there's too little pattern to the patterns I've been seeing
Or maybe I'm just breaking under self-imposed neutrality

it bobs its head
it wags its tail
it begs for attention
it hides away
These are the lessons I learned yesterday

But I'm afraid I might just over-compensate
I'm afraid I might just over-sedate
I'm afraid I've lost my sense of when to be afraid
All a product of the self-improvement youth crusade

And I'm not winning the war on my thoughts
But won the battles of a few of my actions
And I know I'm already caught
I saw it in my choice of distractions
And I'm the judge of my senseless infractions

And I could be doing something more productive
But I can't find the line between disuse and destruction
My sense of proportion, more than mildly corrupted
I hop between extremes of the seams of my own conceded dreams
Creating scenes then distancing myself from myself and everything it doesn't mean

The sick part being that it fucking works
I turn the crank not knowing what it's gonna turn
Constructing my own personality perks
But there's always a lesson to be learned
And I just can't seem to tone down the quirks

But this is neither here nor there
But who am I to question this when I don't care?
I'm living life by my own internal dares
Even though I know I never play fair

It's not like I'm not just being myself
The thought's just a lot like choosing earth over hell
Having trouble in the shuffle over which soul to sell
To an audience that can always tell what's being withheld

I lie like a morbid magnifying glass
The more I cover up, the more it bites me in the ass
The lack of practice gives a contrast
At least I know better than to try to get passed
A weakness that I've never disproved
But then again, nothing's true

Relativity
Non-proclivity
Sex activity in captivity
Seeking solace
Trying not to restrain
But it hides away